


Written In Apologies

by awhippedrobot



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Hwang Hyunjin, Bottom Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Boy x boy, Boyfriends, Choking, Fluff, Impact Play, Kinks, Kinky, M/M, Minor Character Death, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Smut, Time Skips, Top Bang Chan, Top Hwang Hyunjin, Top Seo Changbin, changbin and felix are soulmates, i swear the character death is so minor you won't care, like literally only mentioned as dead, lots of jumping from past to present, other random kinks i don't remember, there's also a lot of love?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awhippedrobot/pseuds/awhippedrobot
Summary: Felix and Changbin are soulmates, everyone knows that. Despite being meant to be together, Felix suddenly isn't so sure that's what he wants.Everything may fall apart, but only time will tell what the outcome of his decisions are.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 29
Kudos: 77





	1. Present: ONE

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to WiA, I wanted to give myself a sad yet happy story that travels through emotions by bringing you through the past and present in different times.  
> You'll notice a lot of motifs and repetitive scenery, these are intentional.  
> For future reference if you see the >>> symbols  
> >> = a progression from one character to another who is located at a different place  
> >>>> = a progression of time, it will either be stated or not, can be hours/days/weeks/months  
> Time skips longer than a couple months will be notated differently.  
> This is my first story I've written with the intent to publish online for people to read so, I hope you enjoy!

“I’m sorry…” he said softly, his deep voice making it almost impossible to make the words out. “I just...I just miss you so much…” His dark eyes lifted, visibly wet compared to usual. The older boy sighed, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.  
“You’re the one that left me, remember?” He wouldn’t look at him, he wouldn’t acknowledge the pain they both felt over this situation. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t look at the younger man and allow himself to fall back into the same cycle. He stayed quiet, having nothing more to say as he glanced back inside at the numerous people enjoying the party they were at. He tried to ignore the soft cries and sniffles coming from the blonde in front of him. 

“Please just...hear me out…” The cries became more intense, they were growing into sobs, the thin boy's body shaking with each harsh cry that exited his mouth. The older of the two sighed. What was he supposed to do? Yes, he missed him too. Yes, he loved him still. Yet the pain he had gone through when he had been left created an atmosphere where he didn’t want to listen. He didn’t want to hear the pretty words, he didn’t want to find out just how weak he was for the younger of the two. 

“No, Felix, I can’t.” He turned to look at him, shock and pain pouring out of the blondes eyes with every tear that fell. Changbin felt his heart break again that night. He felt himself falling apart just looking at Felix after telling him no. This was how it had to be, though, it had to end here. He couldn’t keep crawling back to him, couldn’t let himself fall back into a relationship he was fearful of losing again. “I’m sorry but we're over. This…” he gestured between the two of them with his pointer finger, “this is done.”  
“Please…” Felix’s voice broke as he sobbed. He couldn’t force any more words from his mouth as he crouched down, holding the back of his head with both hands as he cried into his knees. Changbin looked at Felix, watching him for a few moments before whispering ‘I’m sorry’ once more. He turned and entered the party, making his way through the mass of people looking for one face in particular. Once he found the guy he was in search of he pulled him aside. “I know we’re not close anymore Min but...Felix needs to go home.” 

The brown haired boy looked at him, his eyebrows instantly dropping and furrowing together, his smile falling into a straight line. “What happened?” The raven haired man shook his head. 

“I just told him I couldn’t hear him out. I have to look out for myself too…” Minho understood, he understood the pain they were both going through. He nodded to the younger man and left his side, walking to where he pointed. When Minho breached the door, the cold air hitting him in the face like a fist, he looked down at Felix. The boy was sitting there with his head hanging low, his arms dropped in his lap as he sat on the cold concrete floor of the balcony. Minho knew better than to say anything at this point, he just needed to get the younger boy up and out of the cold. Preferably back to his apartment before they got into how he felt. Minho was obviously worried, but the worry grew in intensity when he realized that Felix wasn’t crying anymore. 

“Felix?” Minho called softly, his expression even softer as the blonde looked up at him. His eyes were so puffy, tear tracks running down either side of his face and along his nose and lips. “Let’s go home.” Felix nodded, standing up and wiping his face off with the sleeves of his shirt. Minho knew that when he didn’t cry, he was feeling far worse than if he was crying. He knew something inside of Felix had finally broken, and whether it was his own fault or not wasn’t something they would get into. It didn’t matter that initially he had broken up with Changbin. It didn’t matter that Changbin hadn’t wanted to hear him out. They were their own people, they had their own issues and lives, what mattered now was that both of them needed to heal.


	2. Past: ONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when you meet someone, sparks fly -- even if only slightly. 
> 
> Felix meets Changbin for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your first look into the past :v  
> Looking over the chapters I realize that they just get longer as it goes on.   
> So expect some chapters to be quite long

“You really fucking suck at this game.” Chris chimed in as he pressed the buttons on the small controller in his hands. 

“Shut up you prick.” Minho cursed at him, button mashing as Felix sat behind them on the couch, shoving the sweet rice cake treats into his mouth that Minho had brought him. The snow was falling outside, despite all weather applications saying it would be clear. 

“I can’t shut up, I’m not even trying, I’m barely doing anything and you’re throwing yourself off by hitting me. Shit is wild.” Chris shoved his friend's leg with his foot, snickering when Minho went to hit him but missed, smacking the floor. Felix just smiled, shaking his head as he bit into another sweet rice cake, bouncing at how much he enjoyed the food. Chris craned his head back to look at Felix, smiling at how happy the younger boy was. Sure he was only younger than him by two years, but it felt like so much more sometimes because of how soft the boy was when he let himself be. Usually he was a loud hardass that Chris wanted to beat into oblivion, but he still loved the kid. 

“I know I said no surprises but because it’s snowing, my friend Changbin is going to stop by, his plans got cancelled, and he doesn’t want to be alone. If that's okay with you?” Felix nodded, not caring if his roommate and friend invited his best friend over. “I know you’ve never met him, so I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it. Since he’ll be here in like, ten minutes.” Felix choked on his rice cake, eyes widening as he scrambled to begin cleaning the apartment. He stopped, looking at himself in the reflection of the window, he was an absolute mess. He had showered last night before bed, but didn’t shower today yet. His hair was sticking up in certain places, he didn’t have any foundation on, his freckles on full display as well as the bags under his eyes from not sleeping that much. 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier!” Felix groaned, stuffing trash into the trash bin and shoving the dishes into their sink, knowing fully well he wasn’t going to clean them for another day or two. Chris just laughed and grabbed him when he went to walk by, shoving him back into the chair he had been sitting in before. 

“Bin doesn’t give a shit, he’s chill. Calm down.” Felix groaned and rubbed his hands on his face. 

“I look so bad though…” He pulled a pillow against his face, all the while Minho was watching him trying not to laugh. He knew as well as Chris that Changbin didn’t care about much, he was more laid back than Chris was, and that was saying something.   
“He really won’t mind Lix, he’s oblivious to pretty much everything anyway. Not like you’re interested in him, he’ll probably end up being an older brother to you like us.” Felix sighed, knowing it was true. While Minho was bi, Chris was very straight, and both of them knew they were attractive, yet they weren’t Felix’s type whatsoever. In fact, he didn’t quite know what his type was at this point. 

“I hate both of you, truly.” Felix said, pulling his sleeves down and leaning back into the chair. He watched as both boys continued playing the video game. Time flew by, the loud knock on the door causing Felix to jump up, startled. Minho stood up first, walking over and opening the door, inviting Changbin inside. The black haired boy smiled at him and stepped inside, taking off his jacket and shoes immediately, snow residue on both. Felix’s eyes dragged over his features, the defined jaw, the broad shoulders, the smile that was mesmerizing, the undeniable muscles. It seemed, almost immediately, that Minho was wrong. Changbin was most definitely his type. 

“Hey.” Changbin said to Felix, raising his hand as a hello as well. Felix sheepishly waved back, hugging the pillow to his chest. Chris rolled his eyes and shoved the boy harshly. 

“Don’t be a shy bitch now, you’re always so loud and personable.” Felix glared at him and cleared his throat, sitting back and trying to relax more. Changbin just chuckled to himself, shaking his head and sitting down on the small couch to the right of where Felix sat. 

“I’m Felix.” He said, smacking Chris on the back of his head. “Since you know, your friend can’t even introduce you to his newest roommate.” Chris smacked him back on his leg, threatening with his body to get up and smack him around more. Felix stuck is tongue out at him, causing Chris to squint his eyes at him, subsequently losing him the match. Minho shouted loudly, jumping up and laughing at Chris who jumped up to chase him around their three bedroom apartment. Felix smiled and watched them, relaxing more as he laughed at their antics. He loved their friendship. He loved how his best friend could have friends he was similar with. Minho had met Felix in high school, the pair of them instantly connecting. 

“They get along well.” Changbin said softly, leaning his head on his hand as he watched them wrestle with one another on the ground in the hallway. Felix nodded in agreement, his eyes trailing over to look at the newcomer. He had to admit there was just something about him, about his smile that melted Felix. He smiled softly at him, not even noticing the shift in his facial expressions until Minho came over and sat down on him, whispering in his ear. 

“You look a little distracted by a certain someone.” He chuckled when Felix shoved him a bit, still allowing him to sit on his lap. Felix slowly wrapped his arms around the older boy, watching as Minho refused to play the game more. Chris tossed the small pink controller to Changbin who grinned devilishly and leaned forward, elbows on his knees to prepare for the game. His intensity, even if jokingly, was attractive. Felix knew he was in trouble, but he didn’t care at this point.


	3. Present: TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to move on, isn't it?  
> Everything can just seem so overwhelming, and for Felix, it most definitely does.   
> Changbin stands his ground, and everything comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Queue hella emotional roller-coaster start please.

Felix exhaled, watching the snow fall outside of his bedroom window. His eyes wandered to the clock once again, it was nearing three in the morning. He sighed, pushing himself up off of his bed. He pushed his blonde hair back and stretched before exiting his room, trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake anyone. He rubbed his stomach, looking down to flex and show his abs in the dimly lit kitchen he had wandered into. The only light was that of street lamps filtering in. He pulled a glass out from one of the cabinets and filled it halfway with water, sipping it slightly as he leaned on the counter looking outside at the falling snow. He put his cup down on the counter, leaning on both his arms as he stared out at the snow covered streets. 

“Can’t sleep?” A voice sounded from behind him. Felix jumped looking over toward the living room. His eyes squinted a bit into the darkness to see a figure lying on the couch. The person sat up and then stood, walking toward him. He knew who it was once he had squinted, but he looked at Minho with an incredulous stare anyway. He shook his head, looking back out at the snow. 

“It wasn’t supposed to snow. Just like that night…” Felix sighed and gripped the counter willing himself not to cry. Minho rubbed his bare back trying to comfort his friend as he too stared out their kitchen window and out onto the snow covered street. “Why are you awake?” Felix asked, looking over at Minho, trying desperately to keep his mind off of the thoughts that plagued him, willing him to break down again. The older boy sighed and leaned on Felix, wrapping his arms around his waist, not caring that the boy was shirtless. 

“The guy I brought home is taking up my entire bed, he’s frustrating. So I decided to sleep on the couch, but I couldn’t clear my mind.” Minho rested his chin on Felix’s shoulder and shut his eyes, rocking them back and forth, trying to comfort them both in a way. He knew the pain his best friend was going through, and it hurt him too. Not to mention their other roommate was indirectly hurt by all of this as well, unable to choose a side. Minho felt Felix tense, knowing he was going to ask something he shouldn’t. “Don’t think about it. Please just...relax with me. We can sleep together in your bed if you want?” Felix shook his head immediately, he didn’t want to even be in his room. “The couch, then?” He nodded, a few tears silently falling from his face. 

>>

Changbin rubbed the back of his neck as he walked through the snow. It wasn’t deep, and it wasn’t that cold out if he was honest. He looked up at the sky, the streets dead due to the time of night it was. He heard his phone go off in his pocket, pulling it out and checking the notification. Chris was texting him for the fifteenth time, asking how he was and if he was alright, asking if he had spoken to Felix. He shut his phone again and slid it back into his pocket, continuing to walk. His mind was clouded, everywhere he went he saw Felix. In the small coffee shops they frequented, in the convenience stores they took late night trips to. One where the only time they had ever wandered inside was to escape a sudden summer storm, rain soaking them through almost instantly. He stopped and looked around, realizing he wasn’t quite sure where he had wandered to. “Fuck…” He groaned, he was at least thirty minutes in the wrong direction of his house. 

He slowly started back toward his home. His phone began to ring, he ignored it. Another call right after, he ignored it again. He assumed it was Chris trying to get a hold of him, but he didn’t want to speak to anyone. When the third call came through Changbin sighed, pulling out his phone and swiping to answer without looking who was calling. “What?” His tone very clearly gave way to his state of mind. He heard a soft sigh from the other end. It definitely wasn’t Chris, he would have been yelling. 

_“I’m sorry for calling…”_ Changbin stopped walking and closed his eyes, trying to keep his composure. He pulled his phone away and looked at the time. It was three thirty in the morning. He put the phone back to his ear. _“I just...I really need you to hear me out…”_ Changbin sighed heavily, licking his lips and beginning to walk again before speaking. 

“Felix. Please do not call me again. I’m sorry okay? I just...I can’t anymore. I need to move on.” He paused before hanging up. “Please go to sleep...I...bye Felix.” He hung up the phone, turning the sound and vibrations off and stuffing it back into his pocket, willing himself not to shed a tear over the boy who had broken his heart, not the other way around. He continued forward, walking toward his house, the cold stinging his now watering eyes. “Fuck...I hate this….” The tears fell down his face silently, the only sound against the silent snow covered world were his sniffles. He wiped his face on his jacket and kept walking. He felt the ache in his chest that was all too familiar. The feeling that radiated outward to his throat and stomach, choking him and making him feel sick at the same time. He still loved him, and he knew it. He also knew if he wanted to get over it, to move on and stop hurting, he had to stand his ground, no matter how much it hurt. 

>>

Felix heard the line go silent but said his piece regardless, “I still love you….I’m sorry….” His tears fell as he sat on the end of his bed. A few of them hit his foot, the others dripping against the wooden floor of his bedroom. They sounded like bombs going off, his silent sobs wracking his body. Minho had fallen asleep so quickly, and he just wanted to talk to Changbin. He wanted to take back every stupid thing he did. He wanted to make up for all of it, but that was seeming impossible now. He didn’t know how to have Changbin hear him. It was obvious that he shouldn’t have done the things he did, it was obvious he shouldn’t have invited him over to have sex. He shouldn’t have used him the way he did, took advantage of his love for him as if it would be there when he was done being the idiot he now knew himself to be. 

His sadness grew into anger at himself quickly, his hands shaking. Felix gripped his phone and threw it against the wall, the sound of it shattering the only thing that calmed him for a moment. He needed to leave, his body was willing him to move, to run, to not stop until he couldn’t breathe anymore. He quickly threw on a sweater and stumbled toward his bedroom door, yanking it open and making his way to their front door. Felix quickly pulled it open, leaving it that way as well as forgetting his keys. He ran out of their apartment building almost falling down the stairs when he went down them. His tears were streaming down his cheeks now, he was trying not to cry loudly because it inhibited his breathing. Not that he got far. 

Minho had gotten up as soon as Felix’s phone smashed against the wall, he was leaning up, startled at the noise, listening as he heard shuffling from the boys room. He rubbed his eyes, noticing his absence on the couch. “Shit…” He pushed himself up as he saw Felix run out of the apartment. He groaned, running over to pull on his shoes as he sprinted after the boy, leaving their apartment door open as well. He didn’t have time to worry about that. The boy Minho had brought home opened his bedroom door and looked out at the empty living room, light from the hallway pooling into the apartment. 

Minho made his way down the stairs carefully, rushing out of the apartment door in his pajama pants and t-shirt. He looked right, and then left, seeing Felix only just down the street kneeling on the snow covered sidewalk. Minho’s face immediately showed how much pain he was in for the boy he cared so much about. He walked down the four steps and then quickly made his way to Felix. The boy was sobbing, broken and holding his sides in an attempt to hold himself together somehow. “Come on Lix, let’s go upstairs.” Felix shook his head. 

“Let me stay here...I can’t be in that apartment anymore…” His tone was begging, Minho understood. He wanted to tell him that the pain would fade, as it would, but not quickly. He would have to live with the ghost of memories. The older boy stayed there in the snow with him for ten minutes before lifting him up. He turned around to see the boy who was supposed to be asleep in his bed standing there holding the door open. Felix looked up and saw him, a sad smile appearing on both of their faces before Felix cracked once again, crying harder. “You shouldn’t call Jisung just some guy...you’ve been dating for a while now…” Felix sobbed as Minho walked him back toward their apartment building. 

Minho sighed and nodded. “How about tomorrow we switch rooms? That’ll help right?” Felix just kept crying, unsure if that's what he wanted. If he switched rooms he would long to sit in his old room and think about all the nights spent there with Changbin, but at the same time maybe it was better to not have the ability to do that. Jisung rubbed both of their backs as they made their way up the stairs to the apartment, Felix sniffling now instead of crying. Minho and Felix were both cold, sitting on the couch together not opting to sleep but instead just sitting in silence until Felix felt like he could be alone or sleep. He leaned his head against Minho’s shoulder, the older boy leaning his head against the younger's. “I love you, Felix. Don’t forget that, okay?” 

“I love you too, kid,” Chris said from the hallway, leaning against the wall and looking at them with sad eyes. He knew both of his friends were in pain, and there was nothing he could do about it, much like how Minho could only be supportive, that’s all he could do himself. Jisung sat down on the other side of Felix, placing a warm cup of tea on the coffee table in front of them. The boy, only a day older than him, patted his leg before going back into Minho’s room to let them have their privacy. He really liked Jisung.


	4. Past: TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix? Falling for Changbin?   
> Nooo, totally not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I love how soft Minho is for Felix so, you know there's that.

Felix stirred in his bed, rolling over onto his stomach and willing the dryness of his mouth and throat to dissipate. When it didn’t, he reluctantly turned toward the edge of his bed, sitting himself up. He rubbed his tired eyes, squinting at his alarm clock. “Damn…” It was just after three in the morning, he had only been sleeping for two hours. He could have swore he drank enough water to fight off this feeling, but he was obviously wrong. Standing, he pulled on a baggy white short sleeve shirt before wandering out into their apartment. He knew he should start leaving a water bottle in his room, but since he never managed to wake anyone up he didn’t quite see the benefit yet. 

He walked slowly in his white tee and boxers to the kitchen, scratching his head and running his fingers through his floppy black hair. His eyes focused on the snow outside of their kitchen window for a moment, smiling at the silence it brought on the world before taking a glass from the dish drain and filling it to the brim with water. He chugged half the glass before going to walk back to his room. “Couldn’t sleep? Or three in the morning water break?” Felix stopped and glanced into the living room at the couch. His eyebrows furrowed and he squinted a bit, pointing toward the hallway where Minho and Chris’s rooms were.

“Weren’t you supposed to sleep in Chris’s room with him?” Felix walked over and stood at the end of the couch Changbin had been sitting on earlier, looking down at the boy who lay there fully dressed. “You don’t look comfortable…” 

Changbin shrugged. His neck was craned at an odd angle, his legs half hanging off the armrest Felix stood near. “I’m fine. Plus he snores way louder than I remember, I couldn’t fall asleep.” Felix nodded and moved to sit down on the chair he had been on earlier. He thought for a moment, knowing he could sleep just about anywhere. He was actually used to curling up and sleeping on the couch, but he also had the option to go and sleep with Minho. 

“You can have my room, I can go sleep with Minho, he won’t mind.” Felix gestured with his hand that held his glass. He liked being helpful, he also knew how uncomfortable it was to sleep on that couch, even if he was used to it. He watched as Changbin sat himself up while shaking his head. 

“No, that’s alright. Thank you though.” He motioned for Felix to go back to his room. “You probably should sleep.” Felix laughed and got more comfortable in the chair he was sitting. He didn’t plan on going to sleep until either Changbin fell asleep, or took him up on his offer. He leaned back and took another drink of his water, swirling it around in his glass as he sat there quietly. Shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest, the raven haired boy sighed. “You’re not going to go to sleep, are you?” Felix shook his head no, looking up with a smile on his face as he glanced at Changbin. The older boy looked him over, laughing quietly before sighing and pointing to his door. “That room?” 

“Yup, that’s the one.” Felix turned to look at his open bedroom door, his messy bed in plain view. His room was a collection of photos he took, plants, albums, and books. There was a vintage record player that collected more dust than it was ever used, but he somehow felt connected to it, it reminded him how his grandfather would play records all the time when he was young. “The bed is really comfortable, and I have like five pillows.” He laughed at himself, going to stand up. He was stopped by Changbin engaging in actual conversation. 

“So how old are you?” Changbin asked, curious because Chris had only mentioned that he was younger. He didn’t look much younger than them, and he knew that he had at least gone to high school with Minho. How he had met Chris was still a mystery, the boy sometimes forgetting to give all the details. 

“Nineteen, just turned it in September actually.” Felix smiled brightly, proud of himself for living on his own at such a young age. “You’re the same age as Chris, right?” Felix asked, leaning onto his arm, interested in learning more about Changbin. 

The older boy shook his head, absentmindedly rubbing his right leg with his hand. “Nah, I’m actually only twenty. He’s two years older, we met when we were young.” He smiled softly, remembering their friendship at its very beginning with fondness. “Thanks for being cool with me coming over tonight, by the way. Feels a lot better being here than home alone.” Felix just nodded. 

“Plans being cancelled sucks big time. Had that happen before too. Do you live alone?” Changbin looked up at Felix when he spoke, confused as to why he would think his plans were cancelled. He thought for a moment and then said ‘ah’ ever so quietly to himself. 

“My plans weren’t exactly  _ cancelled.  _ Persay. More like I broke up with my girlfriend, and she kind of uninvited me to the party. Chris was supposed to go too, but he would never go without me. My other friends though, I’ve seen all of their pictures on snapchat already.” He laughed lightly, not really seeming that bothered. “I don’t live alone, no. I live with my family, but they are all off visiting relatives. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, and they had left two days prior. If I had known I was going to break up with her, I would have just gone with them.” He paused, glancing at Felix one more time, really taking in his features. Even in the dimly lit apartment his freckles were eye catching. He had a strong jaw, a defined adam's apple, intense and deep eyes, the cutest nose, and a defined cupid's bow no one could miss. “I’m glad I didn’t though, I’m glad I came here tonight.” 

What he wanted to say was,  _ “I’m glad I met you”,  _ but those words would not leave his mouth. He didn’t know what it was, in fact had you asked either of them to explain the absolute calm they felt falling over them while sitting together talking, there wouldn’t be words to explain it. Felix had never felt so at home with someone he didn’t know, and Changbin never felt himself let his guard down quite so easily. “I’m glad you came. I hope you visit again…” Felix said, smiling gently at Changbin. He stood up and walked over to him, hauling him up by his hand. “Let’s get you to sleep.” He said with a wink, and ushered the man into his room. Changbin turned before shutting the door behind him, their eyes meeting once more. They stared at one another, and for whatever reason it felt deeply intimate, yet neither of them minded. “You’re welcome.” Felix said, not needing to know how thankful Changbin was. 

“Thanks,” he said, smiling before shutting the door softly, not truly wanting to. He exhaled slowly, staring at his own hand on the door before walking over to Felix’s bed and looking at it. The sheet was white and blue striped while the pillows were various colors and patterns, the heavy quilt a solid navy blue. He swallowed and removed his jeans before laying in the bed, inhaling the scent there. Not sure if he would be able to sleep, or if the scent would keep him wide awake. The smile that played on his lips was new, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling or why he was feeling it. 

Felix on the other side of the door stood there for what seemed like a little too long before he walked to Minho’s room. He opened the door with expertly honed skills, making sure it was quiet enough to keep him asleep. He placed his glass on the nightstand after another sip, crawling into the bed next to his friend. When he was situated he felt Minho roll over, his arms wrapping around his waist and pulling Felix against him. The boy stayed still, not minding the closeness but assuming he was asleep. He exhaled the breath he had been holding, it shook lightly. “Lix…” Felix felt himself tense for a moment, wondering if Minho was talking in his sleep or upset he was in his bed. He hummed in response. “I heard you guys talking…” His breathing was heavy and slow, sleep still evident as he tried to hold a conversation. 

He smiled at Minho, turning slightly to talk to him. “Yeah?” The brown haired boy nodded. 

“Mmm..yeah. Don’t fall too fast, Lix…” He said, his breathing deepening even more. Felix blushed and poked his friend’s side slightly. He rolled back onto his side, allowing Minho to cuddle him as he tried to close his eyes and fall asleep. 

“Don’t be stupid…” Felix responded, his thoughts filled with only Changbin as he drifted off to sleep in his best friend’s room. In his own bedroom Changbin had already fallen asleep, the atmosphere and smell in Felix’s room had calmed him and put him to sleep almost instantly. Smiles on both of their faces as they slept peacefully, the world outside silent still. 


	5. Present: THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Changbin chooses to leave, everything falls apart further than they all imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at doing text messages in story so please forgive me lmao  
> I hope you are enjoying this one so far~  
> Ya mans might also post another huge one shot on here which is Hyunlix  
> But we'll see.   
> It needs to be edited (which I don't think this chapter was so yolo)

It had been three days since Felix had completely broken down, his new phone was now in his hands. He rubbed his fingers over the sides, his thumb brushing against the power button over and over, debating on turning the screen on to see if he had any notifications. He knew who he wanted to contact him, and it was very unlikely that he would. The boy clenched his jaw and sighed, looking up from his desk at his laptop, not inclined to do the coursework he had. He only took two online classes and yet they both felt like they would be the death of him if he concentrated on them. He needed to pass, however, so he turned back to his studies to try and ignore the nagging voice in the back of his head egging him on. Begging him to message Changbin, to call him, to plead with him. It took him an hour and a half longer than usual to get through the measly amount of work he had to do. When he was done he sighed angrily and put his head down onto his desk, grabbing his phone and opening it. 

There were notifications from both Chris and Minho, the pair of them asking if he wanted to grab dinner or do something to keep his mind clear. Felix didn’t want to go out, he didn’t want to clear his mind of Changbin, he wanted to think about him. He wanted to get the man to listen, and if he didn’t think about him, he wasn’t sure he could come up with a plan to get him to hear him out. There was a part of him, a horrible part, that wanted to invite Changbin over to fuck him agian. To beg him to just come and fuck him, and nothing more. He was  _ sure  _ that would work. He licked his lips, his hands nervously shaking as he leaned back on his desk chair. He looked over to where his record player was, and glanced at all the missing records that Changbin had taken home with him. There were so many small things that were absent in his room now, and it began to really hurt him. 

Against his better judgement he began to type out the message, his thumbs gliding over the letters effortlessly as if he had typed this exact message a thousand times. He swallowed and looked at it, imagining receiving something like this. It sounded desperate, but he wasn’t sure if it was too desperate or just desperate enough to get the attention he wanted. If he had to use his body to convince Changbin to listen, he would. Just as he was about to hit send Minho opened his door and looked at him. “Come on Felix, you aren’t staying in your room all day again. Even if we just order in, you’re coming out and hanging out with us. Jisung is going to come over too, so let’s go.” The older boy waved for him to get up and exit his room. 

“I’d really rather not…” He nervously fidgeted with his phone. Minho noticed this and squinted at him a bit. He knew what was up, he knew what Felix was trying to do, or had already done. 

“Did you try to text him?” Felix shook his head. “Did you text him already?” Felix shook his head again, looking down at his phone and quickly erasing the desperate message. “Are you sure?” Minho walked into the room, the energy rolling off of him was like an intent parent, wanting to know their child wasn’t lying to them. 

“Yes I’m sure. I...I erased it okay.” He slid his phone into his pocket and stood up, moving past Minho and out into their shared living room, sitting himself down on the new chair they had gotten a week ago. Minho walked back into the living room and sat down on the matching couch. Felix had insisted on spending his own money to buy new furniture for the living room, saying they needed more space, as well as not wanting to see the furniture he fell in love with Changbin on. “I think we should switch rooms…” Felix said off handedly. Minho had offered days before, but he knew if he moved rooms he would feel better. “If that’s still on the table.” Felix looked up with his chocolate brown eyes, scanning Minho’s face. 

The older boy mulled it over for a total of ten seconds and nodded. “I’ll ask Jisung to stay the night to help us move everything. Do you want to switch beds as well, just so we don’t have to move them?” Felix looked down at his hands, rubbing them together, not sure. It was true that he would often lay awake and look at the empty side of his bed, knowing Changbin would lay there when he slept over. He also knew that Minho’s bed was bigger now though, a king size versus his queen. “I don’t mind that your bed is smaller. It’s not like I assume you’ll take mine if you move out, or vice versa, I just mean for now, until it doesn’t hurt. Or until you want to buy a new one.” Minho smiled at him, leaning on the arm of the deep green couch. 

Felix just nodded in agreement, pulling his phone out to look at the time. He also figured he would look for what food he wanted, but he already knew what he was going to ask for, so that was useless. “Can we get pizza?” He asked, looking up sheepishly at Minho. The older brown haired boy just smiled softly at him. He looked at him like that so often now, like he really was a parent who loved their child. Or like Minho truly was Felix’s older brother. 

“Of course Lix.” Just as Felix smiled back at him Jisung opened their apartment door and stumbled inside, holding two large loaves of bread as well as his bookbag. Minho raised an eyebrow. “Bread Jisung?” The dirty blonde laughed and kicked his shoes off at the door, approaching the pair in the living room. 

“Bread always makes me feel better. Chris will be home soon, he got stuck talking to our boss.” Jisung put his bag down and placed one full loaf on Felix’s lap, bringing the other into their kitchen. “That one is just for you, it’s fresh. I stopped at the bakery down the road before coming here. I figured maybe it would help cheer you up, even if only for a few minutes.” He smiled warmly, then laughed at himself, his mouth forming a heart like it always did. Felix couldn’t help but smile. 

He was so glad that Chris had introduced them to Jisung. He was happy that Minho and Jisung had hit it off, and soon after found out that they, too, were soulmates. Felix didn’t let his thoughts linger there for long, knowing it would eat him alive knowing he had tossed his own soulmate aside like a piece of unwanted trash. Like something you could forget you had until you wanted it again. He ripped a piece of bread off of the loaf and slowly ate it, savoring the fresh bread. “It’s really good, Jisung, thank you.” His voice was soft. Jisung just smiled and sat down next to him instead of Minho, leaning against him and stealing some of the bread despite just having said it was only for Felix. 

“We’re ordering pizza.” Minho announced, looking at his phone intently as he scrolled through the menu of their favorite local pizza place. “I’m thinking we’ll get the supreme pizza again and share that one Jisung? Felix do you want your meat lovers or should we get a second supreme and get Chris his sausage and olive pizza?” Jisung jumped up and went to sit on Minho’s lap looking at the menu as well. Mumbling something about wanting some hot wings as well, and maybe some other side like onion rings. 

Felix opened his texts and quickly typed out a message to Changbin. 

Felix -> Changbin: 

Please just tell me if I say what I have to say you’ll read it, or let me call and you’ll listen. I need this, Changbin. Please. 

He stuffed his phone into his pocket again when Minho turned to him, eyeing him briefly because of his posture before brushing it off. “So do you know what you want?” Felix nodded and readjusted himself. 

“I think we should get Chris's pizza, and I’ll take a supreme, but with extra cheese.” He smiled and then laughed when Jisung dialed the pizza place, shoving the phone against Minho’s ear abruptly, whispering into his ear all the things he wanted. Felix just smiled to himself, enjoying their company despite the pain that sat heavy in his chest. He picked off more small pieces of the delicious fresh bread, thankful Jisung was in his life now too. The boy offered him endless comfort, and a different kind from Minho.

Minho was harder on him, always giving him advice even if he didn’t want it. Jisung though, he was gentle and preferred to cuddle him, or feed him food that he thought would make him feel better. The night that Felix had broken down and ran out into the snow he had ended up crying more, and therefore landed in between Jisung and Minho in bed. He was cuddled from both sides, the boys making sure he felt loved and safe as he fell asleep. Jisung sang soft soothing songs to him while Minho rubbed his back and played with his hair. It had been a long time since he felt that calm when falling asleep. If it wasn’t for the two of them, he was sure he would have completely been destroyed at this point. 

As Minho was still ordering the food, Jisung changed his mind six times and annoyed Minho who had to keep apologizing and repeating the order, Felix pulled his phone out. He had felt it vibrate. He glanced down and swallowed, seeing it was Changbin responding to him. 

Changbin -> Felix:

Felix, I’m sorry but if you don’t stop texting and calling me I’m going to have to block your number. I asked you to stop, so please stop. I can’t keep doing this.

Felix felt the immediate anxiety burn through every inch of his body. It flowed through his veins like lava, starting from his neck and radiating outward. His brain was on fire, every muscle tense and feeling like it was going to suddenly burst into flames. He couldn’t breathe, he had to call him, he had to set the record straight. He  _ would  _ leave him alone, he just needed Changbin to hear him out first. That’s it, that’s all he needed. This is what he told himself as he stood up, trying to walk to the bathroom as calmly as possible. When he was inside his hands shook, he turned the sink on, pressing the phone symbol on the text from Changbin. Lifting his phone to his ear he felt his anxiety rise again, would he even pick up? Was he seriously going to block him? He wouldn’t do that, right? Changbin wasn’t that kind of person. His hands shook more as the call went to voicemail. The familiar track of his voicemail played back to Felix, he hung up and dialed the number again. Still nothing. He called again. 

At this point Felix was shaking completely, he didn’t know what to do. He sent five texts to Changbin quickly. He just needed him to respond. He just wanted to talk, why was that so hard? It wasn’t right?

Felix -> Changbin: 

  * Please answer your phone
  * Why won’t you just talk to me? If you talk to me you’ll understand everything.
  * Changbin please don’t block me, I just need to speak to you.
  * Changbin, answer your phone, I seriously need to speak to you, if you don’t answer I’ll just keep calling.
  * This isn’t fair Binnie, please answer me



Felix called him again, this time going straight to voicemail. His whole body shook harder, his legs giving out and letting him fall against the bathroom door. He slid down it, tears stinging his eyes as he stared at his phones, hands shaking too much to text quickly. As he was going to text him once more, his phone vibrated a new message from Changbin coming through, his heart was in his throat. 

Changbin -> Felix: 

Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that anymore Felix. We are over, I don’t have to hear you out. I’m sorry but I’ve blocked your number. You’ll not be able to reach me anymore. I’m going to go ahead and remove you from social media too. I’m not doing this to hurt you Felix, we BOTH need to move on. I’m sorry, I really am. Please take care of yourself, please be kind to yourself.

Felix hadn’t even realized he was sobbing until the door was being shoved open and he was being pushed along the tile floor of the bathroom. He didn’t even care that he was pinned between the wall and the door as Minho tired to squeeze himself into the bathroom. Felix fought him though, trying to push the door shut again, wanting to be left alone. He wanted to be left to his own pain. Jisung, being smaller than Minho, easily slipped into the bathroom and gave Felix a once over before taking his phone, sliding it into the back pocket of his jeans for safe keeping. He picked Felix up and moved him enough for Minho to enter the bathroom. Jisung immediately noticed how much Felix was shaking, his frightened expression telling Minho everything he needed to know. “Come on Felix, let’s get you out of the bathroom.” 

Felix fought him, shoving him and Jisung away the best he could as he sobbed into the air. “No! Just let me die!” He wasn’t wounded and yet, he felt like he was dying. He felt like he was going to suffocate on his own pain and tears. His whole body was shaking, on top of being wracked from the sobs exiting his mouth as he wailed loudly into the air. “I just want to die!” His voice cracked, the pain so evident that Minho visibly winced, Jisung frowning and helping Minho pick the blonde up, carrying him out to the large couch, lying him down on it. 

“Felix...you don’t want to die.” Minho said, trying to keep his voice level and even, despite worry creeping into every corner of his brain. He didn’t want to think that Felix might try to do anything to harm himself, but him saying he wanted to die created that image in his mind. If he ever came home to find his friend dead, he wasn’t sure he could recover from that. Jisung laid behind Felix pulling him into his chest, both arms wrapped around his torso. “What happened Lix?” Minho asked while Jisung tried to sooth him, whispering soft things to him. 

The boy hiccuped from how hard he was crying into Jisung’s chest, his words hard to make out. “C-ch-changbin blo-block-blocked m-me...b-basic….basically said g-g-goodbye” His cries came out harsher now. Jisung held onto him for dear life, looking at Minho with so much fear and worry in his eyes that Minho felt it in himself too. They didn’t know how to comfort him, there likely wasn’t any way to comfort him. 

“It won’t hurt forever.” Chris said, standing there with a sad expression on his face as he entered the apartment. He had just gotten home, dropping his bad onto the floor and taking his shoes off placing them in their rightful spot. He walked over and tapped Jisung’s leg. The smaller boy scrunched his legs up, Chris sitting by both of their feet, rubbing Felix’s leg. “I know it really sucks right now, but we are here. I know we’re getting pizza. I know that you think you’re going to die without him, but you’re going to be fine. I promise.” 

Felix shook his head, continuing to cry. All three boys exchanged glances, Chris and Minho sighing lightly as they continued to try and console Felix. It took two hours and almost his entire pizza, but Felix eventually stopped crying and relaxed into Chris on their couch as a random Netflix movie played. Before they all knew it Felix was asleep. Minho had taken his phone from Jisung and unlocked it, easily knowing his best friend's password. He read through the messages and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Changbin wasn’t wrong to do what he had done, he understood why he did it, and it was his right to ask to be left alone. He just wished that for the sake of everyone involved that it wasn’t going down the way it was. They would have to explain to Felix yet again that he needed to let it go, he needed to leave Changbin alone. That yes it would hurt for now, but eventually not speaking to him would become easier. He hoped that it worked this time, not knowing what he would do if it didn’t. 

>>>>

The blonde boy rubbed his hands against his legs as he sat on the bench. He swallowed hard before looking at the time on his phone. He knew that Minho, Chris, and Jisung would be disappointed in him, but he  _ needed  _ to talk to Changbin. He needed to just get it all out in the open. He was so sure that if Changbin heard him out, they could fix what he, himself, had broken. He knew the man's schedule like the back of his hand, and it was about time for him to head out and grab lunch. Felix stood up and made his way over to the doors of the tall building. As if it had been planned between the two of them Changbin walked out of the building, looking down at his phone. 

“Changbin.” Felix said, only slightly above his normal volume. Changbin looked up from his phone, a look of stupor on his face. The look quickly changed to neutral and then to annoyance mixed with something else Felix couldn’t quite pick out. He felt his stomach drop as the raven haired man's facial expression continued to morph until it settled on anger. He stepped toward him, Changbin stepping back. 

“Felix. Are you fucking serious?” Changbin glared at him, keeping at least six feet between them. Felix felt himself beginning to crumble, he wasn’t supposed to cry, he just wanted to talk, that was all. 

“I just want to talk Bi-...Changbin.” He went to step forward, seeing how Changbin immediately tensed, so he stood his ground, hands hanging at his sides, trying to keep himself composed. 

“You need to  _ stop,  _ Felix. You need to leave, and don’t come here again. If you stay, I’ll ask to have you removed. Just, leave me alone, please.” Changbin immediately went back into the building leaving a broken Felix outside. The boy made sure he didn’t cry in public, what did he really think was going to happen showing up at his job? He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he still did it. Just like he had made the stupid decision that landed him here in the first place. He hated himself more now than ever. 

>>

Changbin sighed to himself, feeling his stomach churn. He didn’t want to keep doing this, he didn’t want to keep having to tell Felix to leave him alone. It hurt each and every time he had to tell him. It hurt because he didn’t want that, he wanted to hear the boy out. He wanted to listen and to fall back into the same toxic cycle they were in before. Where Changbin would believe things were different, and he would fall back into the comfort of love only to be discarded again. He took a deep breath and went back to his small office where he did his work. He tapped a few things on his phone before pulling it up to his ear, lifting the screen of his laptop up. A new listing for a condo was on the screen. Changbin chewed his bottom lip as the phone rang five times, then a rough voice answered on the other end. 

“Hey Mr. Hak, yes it is Seo Changbin. Yes. I did get your email yes. That’s why I’m calling.” He paused, taking a deep breath and pressing send on an email to the real estate agent about the condo. “Yes, I would love to take the job. Start date? I can start next week. I found a place, yes, I just sent an email to my real estate agent. No that’s fine, I can just say in a hotel while everything is worked out. Thank you Mr. Hak, absolutely. I look forward to hearing from you again. Yes, have a good one sir.” Changbin hung up his phone and held his hand over his mouth and chin, staring at the screen. He had just told his family real estate agent to begin the process of buying the condo. It wasn’t massive, but it was going to be his, and he was going to get out of here. 

He didn’t want to just leave, but he knew if Felix no longer had access to him, and vice versa it would help them both heal. Changbin also couldn’t deny that the job opportunity was one that he shouldn’t pass up. It over doubled his salary as it was, and allowed for more movement opportunities if he so wished. He swallowed, dialing his parents to tell them the news. He would be leaving within the week, knowing that how sudden it was would upset them. He also knew he was going to get a new cell phone number before he left. He didn’t want Felix contacting him, he didn’t want to live this part of his life anymore, no matter how hard it was and how much it hurt to leave it behind. He smiled sadly as his mom picked up the phone. 

“Hey Eomma…” Even if the smile didn’t look that sad, any onlook would be able to see the sadness in his eyes as he explained his situation to his parents. It was going to be a big change, but it was one he desperately needed. He needed to forget Felix. He needed his soulmate to be nothing more than a memory. 

>>>>

Keeping his mouth shut had been beyond hard. He had somehow managed to keep his composure despite Changbin telling him to leave him alone for what seemed like the millionth time. None of them needed to know that he had gone to Changbin’s job to ambush him into talking. He was going to learn to live with Changbin not talking to him for now, maybe one day in a month or two they could sit down and have a conversation. It was this hope that kept Felix going. It’s what had him sitting on the green soft couch doing his coursework while Minho hummed softly to himself in the kitchen, lazily washing the dishes. 

Studying was harder than doing the homework, it took more concentration, something he was lacking. His thoughts would often drift too often to Changbin and all of the issues he kept repeating in his mind. So when he switched to studying Minho could tell, a soft smile breaking out on his lips and a sad shake of his head. Felix tapped his pencil rapidly onto the text book and his notes, trying to keep his mind focused long enough to retain some of the information. Just as he was getting into a groove with one part, the apartment door burst open, Chris storming inside his entire posture worrisome. 

Felix saw him first, Minho too far around the corner in the kitchen to see the look on Chris’s face straight away. He threw his bag onto the ground, storming toward Felix. He pointed a finger at him, standing on the other side of their living room coffee table. “This is all  _ your  _ fucking fault you dumb fucking cunt!”

“Wh-what?” Felix stuttered out, he was taken completely off guard, tears already pricking his eyes as Chris went to walk around the coffee table. He gripped Felix’s shirt and looked at him in his face angrily, his whole posture threatening. Felix wasn’t weak, but he never thought someone he considered a friend would do something like  _ this  _ toward him. 

“Did I fucking  **stutter** Felix? I said this is  _ all  _ your fucking fault!” He tried to lift Felix up. Chris’s mind was telling him to hit Felix, and everyone in the room could tell. Before he had the chance to decide if he was going to act on that thought Minho was grabbing him and removing Felix’s shirt from Chris’s grip. Despite how Minho looked he was very strong, strong enough that Chris felt pain in his wrist at how tight Minho was holding him. 

“You better back the fuck up, before I lay you out Chris.” Minho’s voice was deeper than either boy had heard before, and there wasn’t an air of threat in it, that was a promise. Chris scoffed and backed up, looking angrily at Felix. It was when Chris saw the wetness in Felix’s eyes that his own began to water. He clenched his fists and his jaw, tears beginning to spill down his cheeks despite how hard he tried to hold them back. “What the fuck is your problem?” Minho asked, standing in between the two boys. 

Chris’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, it told of how tight his throat was from him trying desperately not to cry. “He fucking left dude. He changed his number and he left. He told his family not to give me his information, he removed me from everything, he did it to all of us. His sister told me he said he doesn’t want anything to do with  _ any  _ of us anymore.” Minho didn’t need to ask who Chris was talking about. “He was my best friend, and now he’s just fucking gone. Like all those years didn’t fucking mean...anything…” Minho sighed as he heard Felix quietly crying behind him. He looked to see the boy leaning forward, his face in his hands as they rested on his legs. 

“That isn’t Felix’s fault…” Minho began, trying to defuse the situation. He was, however, rather wrong. Felix knew he had to tell them, he had to tell them how he went to see him at his job, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that now it was his fault that Chris was hurting too. At least he couldn’t admit it out loud, not now. Chris wiped his eyes and grabbed his bag walking to his room and shutting his door, not wanting to be around either of his roommates. Minho rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at Felix. This was taking a toll on all of them, but his heart broke one more time when Felix spoke to him. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a pain. You don’t have to take care of me, please go out to Jisung’s like I know you planned. I’ll be alright, I swear.” Minho felt guilty, but he needed time away, he needed to just relax with Jisung and unwind. He crouched down and pet Felix’s head, kissing the top of his head as well. 

“Go study in your room, if he yells at you again just hit him, he’s a big baby too. Just...avoid him for a while. Everyone is hurting now.” Felix nodded and stood up, wiping his tears away. He was so tired of crying, the same way everyone was tired of seeing him cry. He took shaky breaths as he sat down at his desk, Minho standing in his doorway looking in at him. 

“I still love you Felix, always will.” He smiled and waved bye to his friend as he shut the door, going to gather his things before he left, hoping that nothing would happen. He would text Chris about it and make sure he didn’t threaten Felix again. Changbin was his own person, and why he decided to do what he did they would never know. They all just had to live with it and move on from this, no one could have foreseen this would happen that first night Felix and Changbin had met. 


	6. Past: THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do Changbin and Felix figure out that they are soulmates?  
> You bet they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soulmates have matching birthmarks, should have mentioned that before?  
> It's not like a pressing thing, soulmates aren't a ABSOLUTE in this AU.   
> In fact its just like a luck of the draw kind of thing. You meet them or you don't, and it's not a big deal if you don't.   
> So when you do meet them, you're considered lucky.

“Changbin is coming over tonight.” Felix stated while walking out from his room and to the kitchen. Chris and Minho, who had been talking nonchalantly in the living room, turned to look at Felix who was shirtless and sweaty. Chris tilted his head, eyebrows furrowing further when Felix pulled the half gallon of milk from the fridge before drinking from it. Minho groaned, making a note to get more milk, and not use that one until he does. 

“First…” Chris started, “don’t drink out of the container, get a fucking glass. Second, he didn’t tell me he was coming over, are you sure?” Felix put the milk back into the fridge, wiping his mouth before shutting the door and walking back into the living room, nodding as he stood there. 

“Yeah. I asked him to come over. Aren’t you both going out?” Chris and Minho exchanged glances before turning back to Felix. Minho smirked lightly and leaned his head on his arm as he eyed his best friend. 

“You guys are pretty close lately, huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows at the younger black haired boy before him. Felix laughed and shrugged, trying to play it off. Chris on the other hand just shook his head and reached for the remote to the television, turning it on and going to find something to entertain himself. “Chris is leaving first, his lady date should be here any time now,” Minho smirked and then rolled his eyes when he said ‘lady date’. He smirked at Chris’s annoyed expression despite choosing to stay quiet. “I’ll be leaving in like an hour. I don’t know when I’ll be back, depending on how long my mom and grandma want me to stay over. I know that I’m at least helping prepare dinner so…” Minho paused looking at Felix who was still breathing slightly irregularly. “Were you just working out??” 

Felix nodded, a smile on his face. “Yup, I’m trying to work out every day of the week and take weekends off. Have you  _ seen  _ how muscular Changbin is? I want to look that good too.” Chris tried to stifle a laugh but Felix heard him, throwing a pillow at his head. “Shut up, Chris.” With that, Felix went back into his room, shutting the door and getting back to finishing his workout before Changbin would arrive. He knew he had to shower beforehand too, so he tried to speed things up. 

Chris was indeed the first to leave, opening Felix’s door to pester him and say goodbye before he left with some girl he had met at his job. Minho did find some women attractive, but they were just too much work most of the time. In fact he rarely dated, preferring one night stands to any type of commitment. His ‘dates’ were lucky if they got to see him a second time. Felix had seen a few of them sneaking out in the middle of the night, or heard Minho exasperatedly telling them to leave because staying the night was not an option. His favorite moment was when Minho had brought another guy home who thought he would be staying over, only for Minho to say in quite the tone, “ _ It’s called a one night stand because you get one night with me, then you stand the fuck up and leave. _ ” He had chuckled while lying in bed at that one. He hoped that this date worked out for Chris, seeing as he was always looking for love despite never finding it. 

Felix himself was rather lacking in the love and sex department. He had only been with one other person, and it wasn’t spectacular. Neither of them had really known what they were doing, it was messy and ugly, but still somewhat enjoyable. They had gone on three dates, but after the sex and the fourth date they decided it just wasn’t going to work. Not that he minded, he was happy they were in agreement on that front. For now, Felix was more occupied with hanging out with friends and deciding where to go with his future. 

When he stepped out of the shower, a knock on the door broke him from his thoughts, his eyes widening slightly. He quickly pulled on his clothes and rushed to the door, his hair still soaking wet when he opened it to see a grinning Changbin. “Movies or games? Your hair is soaking wet, in case you didn’t know.” The older boy poked his stomach and entered the apartment, sliding off his shoes. Felix laughed and went back to the bathroom to grab his towel, entering the living room once more as he dried it. 

“It doesn’t matter to me, we can do whatever you want. We have left overs from last night if you want those, or we can order in? Maybe even cook if we are feeling adventurous.” Felix chuckled to himself, knowing neither of them were really that great at cooking. The last time the pair of them tried to cook for everyone, Minho ended up yelling a lot about how they were trying to burn not only the apartment down, but the whole building. Surely it was an over exaggeration, but it still left an impression on them and their kitchen abilities. 

“Brave of you to presume without Minho here we can cook and not kill everyone in the building.” Changbin winked at Felix, making the boy blush, wondering how he had been reading his mind. 

“Well, do you want to eat leftovers or order food?” Felix walked back into the bathroom to put his towel away. When he returned to the living room, Changbin was sitting on the two-person couch, leaning back comfortably and scrolling on his phone. Felix smiled and went to sit next to him, grabbing the remote to the television and beginning to look through movies and shows they could watch. He glanced at the older boy's phone, nodding to himself; of course he wanted to order food. The rate at which they ordered food was not as quick as the rate in which they ate the leftovers. Chris enjoyed them, but he was only one person. “Of course you want to order in.” Felix shoved his friend and gave him a smirk. 

Changbin smirked back and shoved Felix away from him, leaning against the armrest of the couch. “Shut your mouth, you’re getting free food, what more could you want?” 

_ “Well for starters, you.”  _ Felix thought to himself as he smiled gently in Changbin’s direction, keeping quiet instead of speaking whatever else would run through his mind. He knew he had a crush on Changbin, if what you could call how he felt a mere crush. He had confided in Minho about it, who thankfully had kept it from Chris. While Chris was his friend, he was oddly protective of Changbin, none of them really knew why. Changbin and Chris often talked about their past girlfriends or girls they were interested in, leaving Felix and Minho to believe that Changbin was indeed a straight man. This didn’t really bother Felix much, he would rather have him as a friend than nothing. Not that he had ever actually asked Changbin about who he was interested in. “Do you want to watch a movie or a show? I’m not feeling kicking your ass in every game we own until you cry again.” Felix laughed loudly at himself before being hit with a pillow. 

“Shut it,” Changbin said, a fake pout on his lips as he took the controller from Felix. “I’m not sure, do you know what you want from the barbeque place?” Felix found himself with Changbin’s phone in his lap. He picked it up and scrolled lazily through the menu, clicking on a few things to add to their cart. Once he was pleased with what he wanted to order, he handed it back, grabbing for the remote to the television. Changbin pulled it back and tilted his head, giving Felix a smile he couldn’t quite understand. “Now, now, who said I was done with this?” Changbin teased him. 

He reached for it again, trying to grab it out of Changbin’s hand. The older boy pulled it away again, smirking devilishly. Felix groaned and sat himself up, almost having to straddle Changbin to reach for the remote. “Come on, give it to me!” He laughed and shouted at the older boy. Changbin dropped the remote onto the floor, reaching for Felix’s sides and beginning to tickle him. Felix immediately screamed, his laughter coming out louder as he tried to squirm away. He threw himself back onto his own side of the couch, using his legs to push Changbin as far away as possible. “S-stop! Please!” Felix laughed, his voice at a shouting level as he tried to push himself away even more, reaching for a pillow to smack Changbin with. 

The older boy just laughed, tears pricking his eyes from how funny it was to see Felix in such a fit of laughter and weakness. Changbin grabbed the boy's legs and pulled him down, his shirt riding up slightly showing off the faint outline of his abs on his lower stomach. They ignored this, both still laughing as Changbin tickled his sides and legs, making him squirm and shout for the older boy to let him go. When Felix finally almost pushed himself off of the couch Changbin gripped his pants firmly and pulled him until his legs were completely on his lap, his ass flush against Changbin’s thigh. It was at this point that the older boy stopped tickling Felix, he stopped moving all together, causing Felix worry. He looked into Changbin’s face, following his eyes downward to see how far his pants  _ and  _ boxers had slipped down. His hips were completely out, his boxers just above his pubic bone. He blushed furiously and went to pull them up. 

Changbin stopped him, Felix suddenly filled with anxiety. “W-what?” The older boy looked up at him for a moment and then down to his hip. Next to his hip along his v-line was his birthmark, Changbin’s thumb rubbed over it before he let go of Felix and moved his legs slightly, pushing himself back into the couch. He reached for his own pants, pulling them down to reveal his own slight v-line and matching birthmark. Felix stared at it, blushing more furiously, his eyes glazing over as Changbin compared them. He swallowed thickly at the sight before him, but also at the implications of it all.

“Yeah, same exact birthmark…” He looked up at Felix. The weight of the situation settling on them. “You know what that means...right?” Changbin wanted to make sure they were on the same page. It was known that if you found someone with the same exact birth mark in the same exact place, you were soulmates. This wasn’t something people tried to accomplish in life, it was more of a luck of the draw kind of thing. As it was rather hard to go around asking people about birthmarks or trying to see them when sometimes they were hidden much like theirs were. Felix nodded and dropped himself back off of his elbows, head sitting on the arm rest of the couch as he stared at Changbin. 

He stared at the man's face, so confused. Why was a straight man his soulmate? Was the universe playing a cruel trick on him? Felix groaned and sat up a bit, looking sad as he stared at his friend. “I’m sorry I’m a guy.” His face flushed red, he didn’t want to disappoint Changbin knowing that now they both knew who their soulmate was. It wasn’t like Changbin was going to want to be with another man, not that soulmates inherently had to be together, it was just ever so slightly better than being with anyone else. Food tasted better, you felt more calm, more at home, kissing was better, sex was better, life was better. 

Changbin furrowed his eyebrows at Felix. “Why are you sorry? Had I known you were my soulmate I would have told you I liked you sooner.” Changbin placed his hand on Felix’s leg to reassure him. Felix nodded and sighed, then stopped and tilted his head. His attention snapped to Changbin’s face. 

“Wait...what?” He had to have heard the older boy wrong, he was sure of it. 

“I said I like you, dumbass.” Changbin grinned at him, wondering how it hadn't been obvious to Felix before. He didn’t think he was very good at hiding things, in fact most people said he was so oblivious to everything else that when he tried to hide things from others it became painfully evident he was hiding something to begin with. Felix took another moment before laughing and hiding his face in his hands. 

“That is such a relief, I have liked you for so long. I thought it was just me.” His laughs were breathy, something Changbin had already grown so fond of. He reached forward and pulled Felix’s hands away, smiling softly at him. The look was much softer than Felix had ever seen on him before. His heart was in his throat as Changbin pulled his hand to his lips and kissed it gently. 

“So, what should we do about it then?” He asked, wondering how fast Felix wanted to move with all of this. He had planned to tell Felix within the next week that he had liked him, but the universe seemed to have other ideas. 

“Well…” Felix paused before continuing, looking Changbin over, “I think we should take it slow. Go on dates, see if we want to be together. Just because we are soulmates doesn’t mean we will work well together. We could be too different.” He said, his voice carrying an air of caution and sadness at the idea that they wouldn’t be compatible. Changbin nodded in agreement, kissing his hand one more time before putting it down and pulling both of their pants back to their original positions. 

“Good answer. So then would you like to go on a date with me this Friday?” Felix blushed and hid his face again, only able to smile and nod at Changbin. The older boy shook his head, a smile on his face the whole time. He turned his attention back to retrieving the remote and tossing it onto Felix’s stomach, allowing him to put something on. Their food was forgotten to be ordered for the moment. Felix’s legs still laid over Changbin’s lap, his hand placed on the boy's thigh as they tried to focus on the television and not change how they usually acted toward one another despite everything changing in that moment. 


	7. Present: FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin meets Hyunjin.  
> Felix is using sex and alcohol to cope with his sadness.   
> Maybe a Changjin kiss? Who knows.  
> Some uwu time with Jilix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet me off a cliff, I love MinJilix's uwu softness for one another.

Changbin leaned back into his rather uncomfortable computer chair. They said all the chairs had lumbar support but it felt more like it caused his back to need an adjustment after sitting in it. He was waiting on one of the people in his company to come and fix his laptop. He had a desktop computer, but he liked to write the code they were paying him to come up with at home. He of course covered his bases and used proxy servers and kept his address hidden from anyone sniffing around trying to steal what he was working on. It was, however, rather troublesome to do so if the laptop they supplied him with was refusing to work properly. He was at his desk, waiting on the man they said they would send up, scrolling through his work and what he had to get done by the end of the week. 

His new job was more heavy handed when it came to deadlines, but he was fine with it.  _ It wasn’t like he had moved as far north as possible without knowing a single soul where he now lived. _ It was like that though, he had no one where he lived. He tried to make small talk with his new neighbors in his condo building, but most of them wanted to be left alone. Changbin understood, he liked to be left alone most of the time as well. After fifteen minutes of mindless waiting, a smooth voice sounded from behind him, causing him to jump slightly. “I heard there’s a laptop here that needs to be assessed?” The raven haired boy turned slowly and looked at the tall boy in front of him. Changbin swallowed. 

He had shaggy jet black hair that glistened in the light somehow, a small but noticeable beauty mark below his left eye. He was skinny, but surprisingly built by the way his clothes hugged him. Changbin nodded, rolling away from his laptop and letting the man kneel down to work his magic. He looked at the boy more as he worked, his lips were plump and drew you in, his smile was alluring. Before he knew it the boy was looking over at him. “I’m Hyunjin, by the way. Are you new here?” Changbin nodded, pretending to work on something on his computer to keep his eyes off of Hyunjin. 

“Yes, I started about a month ago. I’m Changbin.” Hyunjin nodded to himself, continuing to go through the troubleshooting process before deciding if he had to take the laptop and open it up to replace internal parts instead of some type of program glitch. “Have you worked here long?” Changbin didn’t like awkward silences. He figured he might as well expend the energy to speak to the man next to him while he actually did try to do some work. 

“Yeah, about two years. It’s been fun, I enjoy the atmosphere and my co-workers.” Hyunjin eyed Changbin a little, noticing his defined jaw, and his arms that made his dress shirt look like it was about to rip at the seams. “Do you want to go to a local bar this Saturday?” Hyunjin asked off handedly. He wasn’t shy in the least bit, and he knew from the moment he laid eyes on Changbin he wanted to take him on a date. If they ended up getting to know one another and it wasn’t something worth pursuing, he would back off, but he didn’t want to miss his opportunity. He wasn’t even entirely sure the man was gay, but he wanted to take the chance before another man or woman had the inclination to do so. The older boy looked away from his computer and seemed a bit in shock. 

He looked at Hyunjin, pondering for a moment. “Sure, who else will be there? Or more accurately, how many? I don’t do well in large groups.” He went back to working, pleased that someone was inviting him out. He needed to make friends, and this was the universe placing that right into his lap. Hyunjin chuckled and placed his hand on Changbin’s knee for a brief second before turning his gaze back to the laptop.

“I was asking you on a date, not to go out with co-workers.” Changbin stopped his writing in a notepad he had, turning slowly to look at Hyunjin who was just smirking to himself as he quickly switched from thing to thing on the computer, checking data and double checking there was nothing wrong with the programs still. 

“A...date?” Changbin had to clarify that was what he had heard, and correctly. He hadn’t been on a date since he and Felix had broken up. He wasn’t quite sure if he remembered what it was like to just casually date. To get to know someone again, to beat around the bush and circle one another until you figured out if you both felt the same way. “I...I guess sure? I haven’t dated in a while though…” He trailed off, the sadness evident in his voice as he turned back to his notepad and continued scribbling his notes down about the code he had to work on for a new security system. 

“Yes, a date. I’ll leave you with this then.” Hyunjin placed a sticky note on Changbin’s laptop as he shut it. “There were a few program problems, if it continues just let me know and I’ll take it apart, as far as I can tell diagnostically it’s fine now, which means there shouldn’t be an issue with internal workings. I look forward to hearing from you.” Hyunjin winked at him before walking away with his things back the way he had come. Changbin blushed and picked up the sticky note looking at the boys scrawled handwriting in awe. This was different, it wasn’t Felix. It wasn’t Seoul, it wasn’t his old job, or his old friends. This was a new beginning, a beginning to heal everything he left behind. A beginning he was looking forward to. It had been a while since he looked forward to something like this. 

>>>>

Felix sighed heavily as he pulled his boxers and jeans back on. He turned to the stranger in his room, remorseful that he had yet another unsatisfactory sexual encounter. “But don’t you want me to spend the night, baby?” The slightly taller man smirked while lying on Felix’s bed. The Australian laughed and turned to look at the brown haired man. Felix crossed to the side of the bed closest to his bedroom door and stood there, arms crossed over his chest. 

“No. Now get your stuff, it’s time for you to go.” Felix tried his best not to sound hostile, but he for one didn’t want to be called baby by anyone, and for two he definitely didn’t want to wake up to whoever this guy was when the sex had been the worst yet. 

“Oh come on, if I stay the night I can wake you up with more mind blowing sex.” The man sat up and patted the bed smirking at Felix all the while sitting there naked. Felix took a deep breath and rubbed between his eyebrows with his pointer finger. If he had to be an asshole, he would be. 

“Listen...whatever your name is. I didn’t even cum so, how ‘mind blowing’,” he used his fingers to air quote the words, “could it have been? You think I’m not dumb enough to pretend I like it? Look, I don’t want to see you again, you got your rocks off, please get out of my apartment.” He gestured toward his bedroom door waiting for the man to collect his things and dress before he opened his bedroom door. 

The man looked horrified at Felix’s words, standing up to pull on his clothes, looking unhappy the entire time. “Damn, baby, you don’t need to be so rude.” He shoved Felix to the side and exited his bedroom, walking toward their front door. Felix scoffed, trying not to laugh loudly as to not wake his roommates up. The guy opened their front door and stood there to look back at Felix. “Maybe if you were better in bed it would be better for you, too.” 

Felix just raised his eyebrows before he shrugged his shoulders and pushed the guy gently out of the doorway, shutting and locking the door behind him. The blonde took a deep breath and sighed, willing himself not to get emotional. He refrained from punching the white metal door, needing some way to get everything out, but he just couldn’t bring himself to bother Minho with his problems anymore. It had been a whole month of him trying to solve his own problems, finding solace in alcohol and meaningless sex. Well, until he was sober and the sex was over. He never wanted them to stay the night anymore. Against his own better judgement, he had let the boy he hooked up with stay. He was polite and gentle, and while Felix had managed to orgasm, it was hollow. 

He dreamt that night about everything with Changbin being a dream, that he was still with the man he loved. When he awoke, he felt the warm body next to him, there was momentary excitement in his mind as if he really had awoken from a bad dream. His brain, however, knew better. In ten seconds flat, before he could even move, the previous night came rushing back and so did his tears. The boy had been so  _ sweet  _ about the whole thing, waking up to Felix crying. He had expressed that he was sorry if he had upset Felix, and was genuinely worried about him. Minho had thankfully been awake and told the boy he could leave while Felix clung to his best friend like Minho was the only thing grounding him to the earth. 

It still seemed surreal, but the pain had become something different. Now he held it all in. He had seen Minho’s tired expression, he didn’t want them worrying about him. They had their own lives, so instead he internalized everything and found his coping mechanism. So there he stood, leaning against the metal door with one hand, the other cupped over his mouth as he willed himself not to sob as wet tears ran down his face. He heard a door click and quickly wiped his face, getting angry at himself for still being so weak. He coughed and tried to quickly walk back to his room, a rough and yet soft voice stopping him. 

“You can’t keep doing this…” Chris stood there in shorts and a tank top, his hair disheveled and voice thick and rough from sleep. Felix looked at him with a stoic stare, not giving away his mental state despite feeling his throat tighten, eyes welling up with tears again. He turned to walk away, figuring Chris was just awake to get water or use the bathroom. “Felix.” The younger boy stopped again, breathing deeply to calm himself as he turned around. 

He looked at Chris, not sure why the older boy was even speaking to him. They had argued for the first week each time they saw one another. Then it was silent between them, only a hello here, or a see you later there. There wasn’t a conversation between them because each time there was just too much pain, too much hurt for them to really communicate. Minho had pleaded with both of them to just ignore the other, he was tired of having to break up their fights, saying it was taking a toll on him. Neither of them wanted to hurt their friend, so the last thing they had said was that they just wouldn’t speak anymore. “What do you want?” His voice was forced, it gave away how close he was to tears. 

He could see the brown haired boy sigh, pushing the curly hair away from his tired eyes as he approached Felix. The light from Felix’s room was the only thing illuminating their living quarters. Felix became defensive putting his hands up as Chris reached for him. The older boy just shoved his hands down and wrapped him in a tight embrace. He stood there with Chris hugging him, his strong arms holding Felix so tightly it was like he was trying to keep him together, keep him from falling apart. He tried so hard to keep himself from shedding any more tears, but when Chris began to speak softly Felix allowed himself to silently cry, holding onto Chris’s tank top tightly with both hands. “I’m tired of seeing you with people you don’t care about, I’m tired of hearing you cry afterward. It’s not going to make you feel better…” 

Felix was angry with him still, his words coming out harshly. “Why do you even care Chris?” His voice shook with each word, his tears falling down onto Chris’s shoulder. He didn’t understand why the older boy cared, he had been  _ so  _ mad at Felix. Reminding him each day, multiple times a day, that it was his fault Changbin was gone. 

“Because I realized I wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at Bin…” Chris paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, his hand rubbing small circles on Felix’s back, “I don’t have to live with the loss like you do. I realized that you have so much more pain...you know what I mean…” He didn’t have to continue, Felix did know what he meant. The blonde put his forehead on Chris’s damp shoulder, letting his tears silently fall down his face. Chris was talking about how he only had to cope with the loss of a friend, a friend he could be mad at because it was completely Changbin’s choice to drop  _ everyone.  _ He could have just dropped Felix, could have ignored him and blocked him, but he chose to do it to their entire circle. He did it to all his friends, even Chris who he had known since they were both thirteen. 

Felix on the other hand, had to live with what he had done to Changbin. He had to live with the pain and constant reminder that he couldn’t be mad. There was no room for him to be mad at Changbin, only at himself. He was the one who had hurt Changbin, he was the one who had created this result. He created this hell he was living in, and he couldn’t be mad at anyone but himself. It would take so much longer to heal with the reality of Changbin never coming back, and it being nothing but his own fault. 

He spoke again, his words shaky. Chris listened. “I miss him every day...I wake up sometimes...and it all feels like some sort of fever dream...but then I realize it’s not. I realize that this...all of this pain...is mine and mine only.” Chris reached up to hold the back of Felix’s head, petting it. 

“I miss him every day, too...I’m sorry your pain is so deep...I’m sorry I can’t take the hurt away. But..Felix…” Chris pulled back to look the younger boy in his face. “You can’t find solace in drinking your feelings away, or burying them in sex with people you don’t care for. You have to let yourself heal from it...you can’t try to escape it like this…” Felix just nodded, knowing fully well he wasn’t going to listen. The alcohol and the sex were the only things that even for a moment took Changbin out of the picture. He could focus so intensely on those things that for a moment there was no pain, just emptiness. He could deal with the emptiness. It was after the emptiness faded and the pain washed back over him, slamming him into metaphorical cliff sides. It was like he couldn’t breathe. Each face he saw above or below him, each time he became sober, he felt like he was suffocating. 

Eventually Felix removed himself from Chris and went back to his room, the older boy doing the same. He removed his jeans, crawling into bed and rolling away from the empty spot where Changbin used to sleep. He had decided not to switch rooms with Minho, saying it was fine and he could get over it. He was lying, they all knew it. He couldn’t bring himself to remove the ability to remember so vividly everything they had gone through together. Sometimes the only thing that kept him breathing was looking around his room and thinking back on the nights Changbin would play a record on the record player and dance around in his underwear. Or the nights he sat on Felix’s bed and laughed at youtube videos he watched on his phone. Felix curled in on himself like he always did, waiting for sleep to take him away from the torment of being awake. 

>>

Changbin glanced at his watch as they walked up the steps to Hyunjin’s home. It was late, almost two in the morning. “I had a really good time tonight.” Hyunjin said, eyeing Changbin as he pulled his keys from his pocket, moving them around in his hand before gesturing toward his door. “Do you want to come inside?” He kept his gaze soft and inviting while he looked at the shorter male. 

Changbin wasn’t sure what to do really. He had enjoyed himself too, but he didn’t know if he was ready for anything other than a date. It had been so long since he had thought about being with anyone other than Felix that actually  _ enjoying  _ the date had been a surprise to him. It almost scared him, so he knew sex was off the table. “I quite enjoyed tonight as well. I just...I don’t know if I’m ready for…” He trailed off, looking away embarrassed. Hyunjin smiled to himself, reaching out to touch Changbin’s cheek, dragging his fingers down along his sharp jawline. 

“Mmm, that’s okay, Changbin. I was only inviting you in to talk more, but maybe next time we can just go somewhere a bit more quiet, yeah?” Changbin looked up to him.  _ Next time? _

“I’d like that,” he found himself saying before he could even fully think the words through. He wanted to see Hyunjin again. They hadn’t done much talking as they were either ordering drinks or dancing most of the night away, but they had obviously enjoyed themselves. Hyunjin nodded and stepped toward Changbin, lowering his mouth next to the man's ear smoothly. 

“Would it be alright if I kissed you?” Hyunjin always wanted to make sure the other person wanted what he was offering. He wasn’t about to kiss Changbin after the man had told him he was still recovering from a break up. He wanted to kiss him if Changbin wanted to be kissed by him. He moved his face back slightly, the shorter boy licking his lips and allowing his eyes to travel downward toward Hyunjin’s lips. 

“Yeah…” His voice was low and soft, airy almost. It was as if he didn’t want Hyunjin to hear him say it. The taller of the two leaned in and pressed his plush lips onto Changbin’s. Bringing his hand up to place on the nape of the older boy's neck. They moved their lips against one anothers for a good minute before Hyunjin pulled away. The kiss itself had been slow and soft, full of apprehension but want. 

“Goodnight, Changbin.” Hyunjin said, a smile on his face. He placed one more quick soft peck against the older boys lips before unlocking his door and walking inside. Changbin licked his lips again, bringing his fingers up to brush against them. He walked in what seemed like a stupor to his car. He looked back at the door and the light shining behind closed curtains in what he would assume to be a living room. One day he would see the inside of Hyunjin’s house, but for now he had to drive back to his own condo and go to sleep; he had a lot of work to catch up on the next day, despite it being a Sunday. He hadn’t noticed it that night, but he had managed to not think about Felix once, the only things on his mind as he drove home were the code he had to write for the security system, and his date with Hyunjin. Not to mention the kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how hard he tried. 

>>>>

Jisung shoved Felix toward the apartment door despite the younger boy -- though only younger by one day -- fighting against him. “I don’t want to go to your place, Jisung, you never clean up,” Felix whined. “Why can’t you just stay here?” His friend rolled his eyes and pushed Felix harder, trying to get the boy to move. 

“Listen, I cleaned my whole apartment, I even changed my sheets and washed my blanket. What more do you want from me? We can’t stay here because Minho needs to study, and you...god, you just need to get out, Felix.” Jisung stopped pushing him and gave him a look that was all too familiar now. It was one of pity. They felt sorry for him, while it was nice to have people sympathize with him and try to make him feel better, the pity was not necessary. He sighed and grabbed his bag a little too roughly from the floor and went to put on his shoes. 

He groaned to himself as he tied his shoelaces, watching Jisung quietly slip on his own boots and tie them. “I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll love spending the weekend with you. Honestly it’s been so long since it was just the two of us.” His friend smiled and nodded in agreement. It had been a long time. They had been introduced to Jisung just shortly after Chris introduced him to Changbin. Jisung was the new guy at his job, and they hit it off, so of course he would bring him over to get drunk and play video games. It took both Jisung and Minho ages to finally admit that they were into one another, long enough in fact for Felix to have and ruin an entire relationship for himself in the process. 

Jisung had managed to not kill them on the ride back to his apartment, which Felix was endlessly thankful for. He still didn’t know how Jisung had managed to get his driver's license but he did have it, so Felix couldn’t exactly argue that he shouldn’t be driving. The blonde followed his friend up the stairs to his apartment. Felix assumed he would see a mildly clean apartment and that would be fine, anything other than the million water bottles and dirty dishes all over his place would be an improvement. The sight he saw when the door was opened and lights turned on shocked him. He stood there in awe, dropped his bag and kicked off his shoes. He walked forward, glancing around. “You...you weren’t joking…” 

Not only had Jisung put in the effort to deep clean his entire apartment, he had also bought various things of new furniture. His rug had obviously been deep cleaned, the once darker beige rug a nice light cream color. He turned to Jisung, question marks evident in his facial features and eyes. The orange and blonde haired boy laughed. He had a soft expression on his face before he gestured for Felix to sit down. “I just felt like cleaning okay, I got tired and needed to make it nice.” Felix went and sat on the new plush chair, sinking into it. He sighed happily and hugged the pillow that accompanied the chair. 

“This is nice. What do you want to do tonight?” Felix looked to his friend who was taking their bags and placing them inside his open bedroom. Jisung shrugged and walked over to his couch sitting down on it and pulling a pillow into his lap. 

“I figured we could order in, maybe some barbeque, and watch a movie? Just talk? Catch up?” Jisung shrugged again. They never really did much, but Jisung just wanted the night to be gentle and easy on Felix. There wasn’t anything they had to do, they could lay on the floor and get drunk for all he cared. Which was what Felix was going to suggest. 

“Can we drink?” Jisung bit his bottom lip, remembering that Minho had suggested to not let Felix drink, seeing as he was using it as a coping mechanism. He didn’t want to be hard on Felix like Minho and Chris so often were, but he didn’t want to encourage his friend to find solace in alcohol and meaningless sex. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes when he looked at Felix. 

“Yes. But don’t try to seduce me, Minho won’t like it.” They both laughed, Felix throwing his pillow at Jisung, shouting ‘You wish!’ loudly before slumping back into the chair, looking all too pleased with how comfortable it was. “Seriously though…” his voice trailed off, the tone soft and apologetic for what he was about to say, “only two drinks, Lix. No more than that.” He gave him a look and Felix just nodded, he understood. He was thankful that Jisung hadn’t given him a lecture or told him no in general. Felix knew he shouldn’t drink as much, so his friend letting him drink at all was something he was thankful for. 

“Only two, that’s fine by me. Let’s order food now, I’m starving.” They smiled at one another before Felix got up and jumped on Jisung, tickling his sides while the boy desperately tried to pull out his phone, shouting about how if they wanted to order he couldn’t be tickled. Felix eventually stopped, leaning against Jisung, his head on the boy's shoulder as he watched him order food on a delivery app. They sat there for a while in silence, enjoying the closeness of the others body. “Thanks, Sung,” Felix said out of nowhere, the ever so slightly older boy smiling and turning his head to nuzzle his nose into the soft blonde hair. That was his way of telling Felix he didn’t need to say thank you, Jisung would do anything for him just like Minho, and maybe even Chris. 

Eventually their food arrived, the boys scarfing down the food before they went into Jisung’s fridge and pulled out two beers each. Felix quickly pounded them back, laying on the floor with a couch pillow behind his head. Jisung had put on some older American movie while Felix scrolled through social media on his phone. When Felix looked up at Jisung, he saw that the boy was staring off into space, not even looking at the movie he had chosen to put on. “What’s up, Sung?” Felix asked, sitting up onto his elbows before his friend turned to meet his gaze. 

Jisung shook his head. “Nothing. I’m just thinking, that’s all.” He got rather sentimental when he drank. Felix saw that he was at the bottom of his second drink. He sat up fully now, leaning against the chair that was behind him, arms sitting on his bent knees. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Felix offered, knowing that while this weekend was to get his mind off of Changbin and his own sadness, he was going to be there for his friends no matter what. Their pain was more important than his own, and it also did help alleviate some of his own, allowing him to care about something else other than his own turmoil. 

Jisung smiled lightly and nodded. “I’m not sure if you’ll laugh but...more importantly please don’t tell Minho.” Felix nodded, worried that it might be something Minho should know. “I just...I’ve known him for so long now, and I know we’ve only been dating like what, two months? But…” Jisung trailed off, his eyes wandering while a soft and warm smile placed itself on his lips. “We found out a bit ago we were soulmates, and Minho was apprehensive at first, that’s why it took  _ so long  _ to get together. I just...I love spending time with him and…” Jisung looked Felix right in the eyes. “I want to spend the rest of my life with him, Felix. I want to marry him, but I’m so afraid that’s not what he wants. I know it sounds stupid, it’s so soon but...every day I spend with him is better than the last one…” It wasn’t until Jisung saw a tear slip down Felix’s face that he realized he was talking about something that very well may upset his friend. “I-I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have brought this up!” He ran to his friend's side, trying to comfort him. 

Felix wasn’t sad, however, so he pulled his friend into a rib crushing hug. He buried his face into his friend's neck, inhaling, letting out a shaky laugh as he pulled away. “I am so happy to hear that. Minho is so difficult, he doesn’t show his emotions well, but I know he loves you Jisung. I can tell by how soft he looks when he watches you. Please, just keep loving him. I know he will feel the same way. Just give him time, and when you know the time is right, do it.” Jisung was most happy that Felix wasn’t upset, but it was also the words that came after that helped soothe him. He was happy to know that Felix was supportive of this, that he wanted them to be together and knew that Minho loved him too. 

“We love you so much, Lix,” Jisung said, hugging his friend tightly, closing his eyes and smiling happily. Felix smiled fondly as well, making sure to keep hugging his friend for as long as he would let him. He needed the physical contact, it helped him feel more alive and less alone. He was surprised that Jisung hadn’t made him feel worse, maybe it was because it gave him hope that at the end of the day he could find someone to love again too. Or maybe it was hope that somehow the universe would look down to him and be kind, giving him one more opportunity with Changbin. He’d wait for that if he could, he’d wait his entire lifetime. They hugged for quite some time before the pair decided they were going to watch the movie for real, cuddling together on the couch and subsequently falling asleep there until two in the morning when Jisung woke up with his back in pain. They moved into his room, sliding into bed and holding onto one another affectionately, Jisung grumbling something about Felix owing him a back massage in the morning which Felix would swear he didn’t agree to, but would do for Jisung anyway. 


	8. Past: FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin and Felix officially start dating.  
> They have sex (there is smut please if you wish to skip this, do it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add the kinky tags so ya boy is going back to do that after posting this smutty chapter.   
> Have fun ya'll
> 
> this chapter is so long lmfao

Felix sighed for the umpteenth time, leaving Changbin smiling and shaking his head as they walked along the pathway through the park. “Is there a problem? Did you not like dinner?” Changbin knew exactly what Felix’s problem was, but boy did he love teasing the younger male. Felix crossed his arms and stopped walking, an almost pout on his face. He glared at Changbin who just walked over and stood in front of him, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his lips before turning to walk away again. Felix whined and reached for Changbin pulling him back and holding onto his arm. “I don't know if you don’t speak.” 

Felix groaned and wrapped both arms around Changbin’s muscular torso, halting their progress of walking back to Felix’s apartment. “This is our eighth date, we have been going on dates for two months. When are you either going to say yes to me, or ask me out?” Felix rested his chin on Changbins shoulder and glanced at the boy's neck, contemplating kissing it and teasing the man he wanted to be with. Changbin could tell he was thinking something like this and gently pried himself away from Felix. 

He turned to look at the dark haired boy, smiling gently at him. “How about we go back to your place and talk about it?” He held out his hand for Felix, hoping he would agree and take it. Changbin had planned to ask him out that night but in a much cuter way. He wanted to walk into the apartment and say something like ‘I brought my boyfriend home on time, right?’. He just wanted to surprise Felix by telling him a not so direct way, but it was obvious when Felix frowned and stood still that wasn’t going to happen. Changbin smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. If it was going to be this way, he would have to deal with it. 

“No, I want to talk about it now…” Felix was stern, but not angry. He knew what he wanted and he wanted to talk about it, Changbin admired that. He nodded and stepped closer to Felix, feigning some type of remorse. 

He inhaled and looked away, “Listen Felix…We’ve known one another for six months...and I just…” He trailed off, keeping his eyes looking away from Felix who now looked devastated. He was obviously expecting the worst. Changbin just shook his head and stepped forward, placing his hand over Felix’s heart, fingers rubbing against the soft fabric of his mauve colored shirt. “Well, to be honest... These have been the best six months of my life. When I’m with you, everything is different, I didn’t notice at first but it is. I want to be with you, I do, so will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?” He finally let his eyes meet Felix’s. The slightly younger boy smiling so widely it probably hurt his face. His eyes crinkled at the edges, becoming little crescent moons that Changbin never got enough of. 

Felix felt tears prick his eyes as he nodded and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Changbin’s shoulders. One hand gripped his shirt while the other traveled upward into his hair, holding onto it lightly, not wanting to hurt him but more to be as close to him as possible. His face was buried in the older boy's neck, as he laughed and smiled, happy to hear him finally say those words. “Should I take that as a yes?” Changbin laughed, holding Felix around his waist. 

“Yes, you dummy.” Felix exhaled, his breath shaking out of happiness. He leaned back and then kissed his now boyfriend right next to the corner of his mouth. He was beyond happy, bliss overtaking him and spreading through his veins like a wildfire, igniting him. “Now let’s go back to my place and give them the good news.” Felix laughed, knowing that both Chris and Minho had been expecting for some time now that they would start dating. Minho had yelled  _ “Just get married already” _ enough times that Felix knew how he felt about the whole situation. 

“Alright,” Changbin said, untangling himself from Felix and grabbing his hand, walking with him back toward the boys’ apartment. They spent more time there due to Changbin not wanting his family to constantly bother them or ask Felix too many questions. His family knew he was bisexual; he had come out to them when he was younger. He also knew his family loved to tease him and anyone he was dating. There were a few times his sister had just barged into his room when he was dating his ex girlfriend. 

Their walk seemed so much shorter because of how lost in thought Felix was. He kept thinking about how happy he was to be with Changbin, and how despite them being soulmates, he wasn’t going to take this for granted. Felix turned his key and pushed open his front door, walking inside to see Chris and Minho sitting on opposite chairs while Jisung sat squished next to Minho on the smaller couch. “Welcome back, you two,” Felix’s bestfriend said, craning his neck back to look at them. Jisung was sitting closer to the front door, turning his head to wave and give them his big smile, teeth and gums showing. Chris just nodded to them, keeping his eyes focused on the movie. 

Felix smirked after taking off his shoes, walking into the living room and looking at his roommates. “Is it alright if my boyfriend spends the night?” His tone was teasing. Chris snapped his head to the side, picking up the remote and pausing the movie. Minho just put his hand up looking for Felix to slap his hand with a high five. He obliged quickly, looking at Jisung who just cooed at him and Changbin, resulting in Changbin threatening to punch him. 

“Boyfriend? For real?” Chris said, staring between Felix and Changbin. His eyes mainly landed on Changbin, knowing his friend usually took far longer to even decide he was going to date someone. 

“Yeah, for real,” Changbin said, wrapping his arm around Felix’s waist and looking at him like he was the only person left on earth. Chris just smiled and shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Good for you both. I’m happy for you guys. Do you want to watch the movie with us? It only started twenty minutes ago,” Chris looked to them both, but Felix was already pulling Changbin into his room, backing in and waving to them all. Minho shot a glare at them while Jisung winked and gave Felix a thumbs up. Chris sighed and went back to watching the movie, hoping whatever they were doing wasn’t what everyone thought they were going to do. 

Once inside the room with the door closed, Felix pressed Changbin against the wall next to the door, kissing him softly but holding his own body flush against his boyfriend’s. Changbin sighed into the kiss, his hands naturally finding themselves holding onto Felix’s slender hips. Before Felix could try anything more, Changbin pushed him away by his hips smiling at him. “I know what you’re thinking, and unless we talk about it, it’s not going to happen.” Felix groaned, allowing Changbin to move away from the wall, going to sit on the bed. He patted the spot next to him and leaned back on one of his arms, smiling fondly at Felix. 

The younger boy sat down next to him, a pout on his perfect lips. “Why do we have to talk about it?” Felix asked, glancing at Changbin. 

“Well, we have to figure out what we both prefer. What we’ve both done, make sure it’s a safe and mutual environment.” He reached over and rubbed Felix’s thigh gently, patting it before pulling his legs onto the bed and crossing them, leaning forward slightly. “So tell me, what have  _ you  _ done, and with who?” 

Felix blushed and scratched his cheek while looking away. He coughed and turned back to Changbin, knowing he had to be honest or they would never end up having sex. He had asked if they could have sex before dating, but Changbin said that he didn’t want to do that. He wanted more with Felix, not just random hook-ups. “Well, I had sex with a guy I was going to date back in high school, I was the one topping but, I don’t know if it was inexperience or just us not being a good match? We just, neither of us loved it. It was alright, but not something I’d like to do again…” He trailed off realizing how that sounded. “N-not to say I don’t want to top again!” He quickly made sure to add. “I just, not the way we did it. There wasn’t really a lot of foreplay.” He was blushing furiously admitting all of this to Changbin, but at this point what was there to lose? “Other than that I just kinda…” He looked away, his voice becoming small and hushed. 

“You just kinda what?” Changbin pressed, a smile on his face as he watched Felix squirm. 

“I...pleasure myself?” He said, looking at him with a sheepish smile on his face. He didn’t want to admit that he had toys, but he did have a healthy sex drive, and didn’t want to refuse himself any type of pleasure he could get. Changbin nodded. 

“So, you masturbate, or do you use something to penetrate you?” His question was so straight forward Felix almost felt like he was going to die. He choked on air, looking with wide eyes at his new boyfriend. “I only ask because it’s relevant,” Changbin continued, “If I top, we have to be very careful, if you’re somewhat used to having something inside of you, it might not be as hard.” 

Felix nodded and pointed to his drawer. “Yeah I...have a toy.” 

Changbin smiled and nodded, reaching out to rub Felix’s thigh reassuringly. “Wh-what about you?” He wanted Changbin to talk now, he needed a minute to come down from how nervous he was, he needed something to distract him from the heat in his cheeks and ears. 

“Oh, I have been with about four people. Two guys, two girls. I mainly topped each time. I’ve given and received oral. I don’t really penetrate myself when I masturbate, but I’m not opposed to it, the few times I’ve done it, it was pleasurable. I like to be in control, so relinquishing that control is why I don’t do it often.” He paused and looked away thoughtfully before he turned back to Felix. “I like a few not so vanilla things. I like to use cock rings a lot, as well as hand cuffs or ropes to tie people up. If you’re not into that we don't have to do it. We definitely won’t do it our first time.” Felix was refreshed and also embarrassed by Changbin’s openness. He swallowed and nodded thinking about it. He definitely wasn’t opposed to being tied up, he had considered it a few times. 

“I wouldn’t mind you...tying me up sometime… What is the cock ring for….though?” Felix looked at him, the innocence evident in his eyes. Changbin just smiled at him, loving how cute his boyfriend was. 

“I like to...refuse my partner orgasms. So the cock ring is so you can’t cum. It’s because I last a really long time, so it helps my partner last as long as I do. If my partner is a guy that is.” He looked at Felix, expecting the boy to be repulsed or definitely against that, but much to Changbin’s surprise this was not the case. He seemed intrigued and nodded slowly, licking his lips and then swallowing, seemingly lost in his thoughts. “So it’s okay if you orgasm and want to stop, I don’t need to get off to enjoy sex. It’s happened before, especially when I don’t have my cock ring to use on them.” He squeezed Felix’s thigh gently for reassurance. 

Before he spoke he looked down at Changbin’s hand that had slowly moved up his thigh, heat suddenly pooling into his face more. “I think...I’ll try whatever...but first I just want to get used to seeing you naked.” He looked up at Changbin who smirked and nodded. The raven haired boy leaned in and kissed him, 

“That’s fair,” Changbin said as he moved away, leaning back in to kiss Felix again, his hand coming up to gently grab the back of the boy's neck. Once Felix began to breathe heavier, Changbin pulled back, standing up and looking at him with a smile on his face. “Once you’re used to it though, and we are more comfortable. I would love to completely dominate you. If you’ll let me.” Felix just nodded, feeling the heat pooling to multiple places, unable to focus in his haze. Kissing Changbin always left him like this, those soft lips getting him drunk on something. Then, as if the man was truly trying to kill him, Changbin removed his shirt. The way he had lifted it over his head and dropped it onto the floor had Felix reeling. 

He glanced down at the shirt then back up to Changbin’s face, trying desperately to not just eye fuck his body. “It’s okay,” Changbin said, walking closer to Felix and picking up his hand to place it on his stomach. It was flat, but it was obvious when he ran his fingers up and down that he did indeed have abs. Slowly Felix let his hand travel upward to Changbin’s chest, his fingers ghosting over the man's nipple before massaging his pecks. Changbin smiled and reached down to tug on Felix’s shirt. The younger boy allowed him to pull it over his head, sitting there in stunned silence still. Felix trailed his fingers back down toward the jeans Changbin was wearing, hooking his fingers into them and looking up with curious eyes. 

Changbin looked at Felix with a smile on his face, bringing his own hands to his jeans and slowly undoing them, pulling them off carefully, followed by his socks. He stood there, clad in only his boxers, between Felix’s legs as the younger boy sat on the side of his bed. Felix’s hands were shaking as he reached forward and touched Changbin’s thighs, massaging the muscle under his touch, hands moving upward until he gently pressed his thumbs into Changbin’s hips, looking into his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss next to his right thumb. While Changbin didn’t mind this, he was used to being in charge. Slowly he took his hands and wrapped his fingers around Felix’s wrists, bringing the younger boys hands down until they were on his lap. “Let’s talk about some more stuff, before we go any further.” 

Felix looked devastated, obviously he had been enjoying himself. “Okay, what do you want to talk about?” He rubbed his thighs, trying to ignore the semi erection in his pants just from being able to touch Changbin. 

“Well, first off, I want a safe word. It makes me more comfortable, and even if you’re not used to it, I think you’ll feel more safe that way, too. My personal safe word for one is peaches.” Changbin smiled at Felix who just tilted his head, a cute smile on his lips. “Now, you should come up with one yourself, now.” Felix flushed,  _ Now? _

He panicked, the only thing coming to mind spilling past his lips before he could even register the embarrassment it would cause. “Pterodactyl.” He stared at Changbin who nodded and tried not to chuckle. 

“Pterodactyl it is.” Just as he was about to continue Felix cut in, feeling the need to explain himself. 

“I-I had dinosaur sheets as a kid, and I don’t know why but it was the first thing that came to mind.” He blushed furiously, not knowing what else to say, so he just looked down at his lap, rubbing his jean covered thighs more. 

“It’s cute, I like it.” Changbin placed his pointer finger under Felix’s chin, tilting his head up to look him in the eyes. “Now, let’s talk about the color system. You’ll use it, it helps me know what is and isn’t okay without much communication. Green means you like it, I can keep doing it. Yellow means you’re not fond of it, or unsure and I shouldn’t do that specific thing again. Red means we completely stop what we are doing. Red is the danger zone, if you don’t feel safe or you are hurt or it makes you uncomfortable you say red. I’ll always ask for colors if I’m unsure, but you should use them freely as well. Understand?” Felix nodded and swallowed, all of this so new to him. “Do these things make you feel more comfortable?” 

Much to Felix’s own surprise, it did. “Actually...yes.” He let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, glad he had a way to communicate so much with so little during sex. He was also glad Changbin was so vocal about all of this, making Felix relax even more. He had already felt so comfortable, but now he felt like he was in a safe space where he was able to just enjoy himself. 

“Good” was all Changbin said to him before leaning down and placing a soft loving kiss on Felix’s lips, gently swiping his tongue across the younger boy's bottom lip. Felix’s breath hitched in his throat, his lips parting slightly to let Changbin do as he pleased. He felt the older boy press him backward, so he quickly pushed himself further onto his bed, trying to stay sitting upright. Changbin was having none of it, breaking the kiss and ever so softly pressing against Felix’s chest with his hand in order to have him only propped up on his elbows. Felix looked at Changbin quizzically while the boy leaned down to kiss his chest, moving down his body slowly leaving soft kisses on his abdomen. Felix groaned, watching as he got closer and closer to the place where his jeans began. The smile on his boyfriends face was beautiful, the way he looked at Felix like he just wanted to care for him gave the younger butterflies. 

Slowly Changbin undid Felix’s jeans, pulling them off of his body. “Socks on or off?” He asked while pulling the jeans off one leg at a time, his touch so gentle and precise. When he looked up at Felix, the younger boy looked like he was already in heaven. 

“Off,” he said, his mouth slightly open as he puffed his breaths in and out. Changbin kept his smile, slowly removing the boy’s socks before leaning forward to kiss Felix’s thigh softly. His hands moving up and down them for a moment. He massaged them like he did it for a living, slowly making his way up until he was holding onto the waistband of Felix’s boxers. Felix didn’t wait for Changbin to ask, he just nodded, blood rushing to his groin, his cock slowly swelling more as he watched Changbin pull the white and blue triangle patterned boxer briefs off of his body. 

“You’re beautiful.” His words were soft and yet his voice held a huskiness Felix had not heard from him before. Changbin pressed his knee onto the bed in between Felix’s legs, leaning over him and holding himself up with both arms, he leaned down to gently kiss the boy's collar bone. Felix watched him, his breathing picking up each time Changbin would pick a new place to kiss and nip at. Felix groaned lightly when Changbin began to suck on the spot where his neck met his collarbone. He knew there was going to be a mark when his boyfriend was done, but he liked that. He felt his arms growing weak, so he gave up propping himself up, his hand immediately going to thread through Changbin’s dark locks. The hot mouth on his skin slowly moved down, kissing around one of his nipples before being placed over it. He hadn’t realized what he was missing, even something as simple as having his nipples played with made his cock twitch between his legs. 

He tightened his grip slightly when Changbin reached his hand up to play with the other nipple, his tongue swirling around the other hardening bud. Felix shut his eyes, enjoying the slow and gentle touches. Teeth scraped against his nipple eliciting a slight whine. Changbin moved down more, dragging his fingers along Felix’s side while he kissed down the other. His nails gently scraped against the hot skin; Felix’s chest was heaving at this point, his body feeling like it was on fire. He knew he had been missing out, but this was getting ridiculous. The older boy sat back, looking down at Felix as he gently ran his fingers over the soft outline of his abs. They were barely noticeable but Changbin already loved the sight so much. When he hit a ticklish spot, they tensed, showing them off more, which caused him to smirk. 

Felix watched Changbin through half lidded eyes, his chest moving up and down noticeably. Slowly the raven haired man began to massage Felix’s thighs again, moving inward slowly, making sure his fingers would brush against his balls, but refusing to move any closer to the leaking cock pressing against Felix’s stomach. He watched it twitch each time his fingers would get close, a smirk playing on his lips at just how much he was teasing Felix. Changbin gently moved Felix’s legs apart, kneeling fully on the bed between them now. He intently massaged his right thigh, moving his hand up to his hip and massaging there, the other hand reaching down and gently caressing the spot behind the younger boy's balls. Felix groaned and pushed his hips closer to Changbin, wanting any type of touch that was more than just gentle teasing motions. This had Changbin chuckling, moving his hand away immediately. 

The older boy leaned down and kissed right above Felix’s aching and leaking cock, kissing around it while Felix watched, a look of pain and pleasure on his face. His hands were gripping the sheets, wishing Changbin would do something else already. Then as if the universe, and Changbin, were listening to him the raven haired boy slowly pressed his palm against Felix’s painful cock. He moaned louder than he thought he would, the touch sending electricity through his body. Changbin leaned down, running his tongue slowly up the underside of Felix’s cock, reaching down to graze his finger over the boy's hole, feeling it flutter against his fingertip. Beads of sweat were evident on Felix’ forehead and chest, moans escaping his mouth each time Changbin would slowly lick up and down his cock. Changbin leaned back, softly gripping Felix’s cock, pumping him up and down with slow light strokes. Felix couldn’t take it anymore. Changbin was still in his boxers, despite the very evident bulge that had Felix’s mouth watering. He needed something, no anything, more than this. 

His voice came out hoarse and deep, desperation evident in his tone, “I like this, I really do, but..please…” He panted, watching as Changbin stilled his movements, pre-cum leaking from the tip of his cock onto his boyfriend’s hand. He pulled his hand away slowly, smirking at Felix as he licked the pre-cum from his hand. Felix moaned at the sight. 

“Please what, hm?” He questioned, putting his hands onto his own boxer clad thighs, waiting for Felix to speak, endlessly entertained by how needy and desperate Felix looked. He loved that sight, and knew he would want to see it more. Felix blushed, unable to form words, a loud whine exiting him instead. He didn’t know how he could possibly ask for what he wanted, he was sure he would die of embarrassment if he did. Changbin could see it, but he wanted to test the waters, he wanted to see how far he could push Felix. He wanted to see if his boyfriend would be receptive to certain not so vanilla advances. “If you don’t tell me, I won’t touch you at all.” He watched Felix’s face contort as he let out a soft moan. 

He gave in, his voice low and barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to be that nice…” Changbin smiled at him, rubbing his thigh before returning his hand to Felix’s cock. He gripped it a bit harder this time, giving one slow strong stroke, looking into his boyfriend's eyes. 

“So the slut wants to be fucked, huh?” Changbin hadn’t gone over if name calling was something Felix was into, let alone okay with. So he fully expected Felix to say yellow, fully expected his boyfriend to refuse that type of interaction in the bedroom, but that didn’t happen. Felix moaned softly, nodding and blushing harder than before. “Words, Lix.” He stilled his hand again, watching as Felix let out a strangled and frustrated groan. 

“Y-yes, I want you to fuck me.” Changbin slowly stroked him again, smiling at Felix. He leaned in and kissed his lips softly, letting go of his cock to do so. 

“Good boy.” Changbin praised, causing Felix to close his eyes and whimper, his cock twitching at the praise. He had no idea why he liked this, but he did. Changbin leaned back and looked at Felix expectantly. “Where is the lube?” Felix pointed to the same drawer he had earlier. Changbin slid off of the bed and went to his dresser, opening the middle drawer and moving some clothes to the side. He glanced at the multiple bottles of lube, as well as a pink dildo that had to only be about six inches long, and not that thick. He pulled out the most full bottle and went back to the bed, looking at Felix. He was going to take his time stretching him, he didn’t want to mention the size difference because he didn’t want Felix to feel stressed, knowing that made it harder. 

Changbin watched Felix intently as he poured some lube onto his fingers, reaching down to gently slick his entrance. The boy moaned, pressing against his fingers already, Changbin smirking at the motion. He poured a tiny bit more lube onto his fingers, rubbing it around them and placing his hand back between Felix’s cheeks, slowly inserting his middle finger. It slid in with ease, Felix moaning and gripping the sheets. “Color?” Changbin questioned, keeping Felix grounded and also making sure he was okay. 

“Green.” He could barely say the word, he was nearly breathless just from how good it felt to have a finger inside of him, let alone the euphoria of it being his boyfriend's finger. Changbin nodded, pumping his finger in and out slowly while Felix rocked against his hand. His smile never faltered when he slowly added a second finger in, again sliding in with ease. Honestly he was quite surprised, expecting some resistance. It then dawned on Changbin just  _ how  _ needy Felix was, watching him pant and writhe from two fingers slowly grazing against his walls. His body wanted more, and it was obvious. After a few moments, Changbin poured a small amount of extra lube onto his fingers, pressing three of them inside Felix slowly. It was obvious Felix wasn’t having the slow pace anymore, pushing himself down on the three fingers, moaning loudly at the intrusion. It didn’t burn or hurt, he was loving every second of it, his mind fogging over. 

“Color?” 

Felix almost felt annoyed, but he understood this was how Changbin wanted it to be, he wanted to know he could keep going without having to ask multiple questions. 

“Green.” 

He moved his fingers rougher now, pushing them deeper to graze against Felix’s prostate, a harsh jolt of pleasure rushing through his body. He gasped and then let out a long moan as Changbin continued to put pressure there. His cock was twitching with each thrust of the fingers. Changbin reached between his own legs, pressing down and rubbing his palm against his own full erection. Slowly he began to spread his fingers as he pulled them out. He watched as Felix’s body accommodated his fingers so well, wanting to just bury himself inside of his boyfriend already. When he withdrew his fingers completely, he watched as Felix’s hole twitched, trying to wrap around something once more. 

“Condoms?” He glanced up at Felix, who opened his eyes to look at his boyfriend. 

“No. I don’t want that…” 

Changbin groaned this time, the way Felix had said that in his deep voice, the lust was so evident. He looked so good, and now Changbin was about to bury his bare cock into him and ruin him. He stepped back off of the bed, slowly pulling his boxers down, not surprised by the string of pre-cum connecting the head of his cock to the boxers he was peeling away from himself. He was so painfully hard, and ready to be inside of Felix. The younger boy just moaned seeing the size of Changbin, the black boxers had been good at hiding his size and his thickness. Normally Felix would have been worried, but at this point he was nearing the point of crying from how bad he just wanted to be fucked. 

Changbin slid back onto the bed, grabbing two of Felix’s pillows and lifting his hips effortlessly to place them under him. Slowly he reached for the bottle of lube again, placing a good amount on the hand that was already covered in the sticky substance. He stroked his own cock slowly, his chest heaving as he did so, watching Felix look at him.  _ “Be gentle with him.”  _ He had to remind himself he wasn’t allowed to completely dominate him, this was meant to be a bit more vanilla. “My little slut ready for this cock?” Changbin said, moving forward to place the head of his cock at his boyfriend's entrance. 

Felix whimpered and nodded, “Yes, please...please fuck me.” Changbin slowly pushed the head of his cock inside of Felix, using his still lubed hand to stroke Felix’s own leaking cock. He wanted to work him through the much larger intrusion. He was  _ so  _ much tighter than Changbin had imagined, loving every second of it. He slowly pressed himself forward. 

“Color?” Changbin asked once more. Felix looked at him, seeing how he was concentrating so hard on not hurting him, moving so slowly and stroking him with the perfect pace to keep his mind in a fog. He could see that his boyfriend was holding back, that he was being sweet and gentle for him. 

“Green…” He trailed off, making Changbin look at him with a mild amount of worry. He continued to press forward, trusting that if Felix was uncomfortable he would say so. Felix moaned when only half of Changbin’s thick cock was buried inside of him. “G-god how b-big are you.” He whined loudly, gripping Changbin’s thighs with just his fingers, digging his nails into the older boy's skin. 

Changbin let out an airy laugh as he continued to slowly press forward, another inch disappearing into his boyfriend. “A little over eight inches…” He breathed out when his cock suddenly slipped completely inside of his boyfriend, both of them moaning loudly. It seemed like the admission of his size had made Felix relax out of pure want. “Green?” He questioned, not sure if Felix was in pain by the look on his face. 

Felix stared at Changbin, his mouth hanging open as he breathed heavily, staring at him. “Green. Now m-move.” He was sure this time, moaning when he requested Changbin begin to move. 

Changbin stayed still, staring at Felix. “What was that?” He asked, his tone giving away how he wanted Felix to respond. The younger boy whining loudly before shutting his eyes. 

He took a deep breath, his voice shaking when he spoke. “P-please fuck me.” 

“That’s a good boy,” Changbin cooed, and then he pulled his hips back, slowly pressing them forward. He had only removed half his length the first time, but the second time almost his whole length was removed, slowly being pressed back in until he bottomed out. Felix moaned loudly, reaching up to grip Changbin’s forearms. His boyfriend was holding onto his legs, making sure that they didn’t get tired from Felix holding them up himself. He groaned, watching himself pull out and then disappear back into his boyfriend. Felix was a mess, the head of Changbin’s cock constantly brushing against his prostate as he pressed himself back inside. He watched as Changbin’s face changed as he watched himself slide in and out at an even pace now, not too slow but not too fast. Sometimes his grip would tighten on Felix’s leg, making him think his boyfriend was holding back. 

Felix imagined what it would be like if he wasn’t holding back. If he gave himself over to Changbin, letting the older boy do what he wanted to with him. He swallowed and then moaned loudly, reaching forward and grabbing his forearm to try and yank him forward. Changbin allowed himself to be pulled forward into a passionate, desperate kiss. Felix slid his tongue into Changbin’s mouth, both of them getting lost in the pleasure as Changbin kept his pace, pumping himself in and out of Felix who already felt the coil tighten in his stomach, his balls tightening. “Changbin…” His voice was breathy. “I..I know my word...I trust you just...show me..show me how you like it p-please.” Changbin stilled his hips, pulling back enough to look into his boyfriend's face. There was a shift in his facial expression, a certain light dancing in his eyes, Changbin licked his lips. He reached up and grabbed Felix’s face with one hand, gripping a little bit harder than one normally would to make sure he got his point across. 

“You don’t know what you’re asking for.” He was stern, it made Felix shiver. 

Felix stood his ground, “We have so much time to try things, I don’t have those things here though. Just...show me how you like it. Show me you.” 

Changbin smirked, his eyes glazing over, a completely different aura rolling off of him as he suddenly pulled his hips back and slammed them roughly into Felix. The moan that escaped him was half a yell, half a broken moan that was cut off by the breath leaving his body. White hot pleasure shot through his veins, causing him to see white. 

“Alright then. Rule one, unless it is your safe word, or your pretty little moans, you do not speak. You may only speak if I speak to you. Understand?” Felix nodded, he definitely understood. This change had his cock twitching, had him wanting to know what was about to happen. “Rule two, I’m not stopping until I cum, and I’m going to cum inside of you. This means that even if you cum six or seven times, I will not stop. Understand?” Felix nodded again. “Answer me verbally.” 

“Y-yes I understand.” Felix moaned again as Changbin roughly thrust inside of him once more. 

“Good, my little slut is going to take my cock so well.” Felix moaned loudly, it getting higher at the end. Changbin had suddenly placed his hand over Felix’s neck, applying a small amount of pressure to the veins on either side. Changbin honestly half expected Felix to immediately use his safe word, but he didn’t. Instead he thrust back onto Changbin’s cock, egging him on. Without hesitation he began to thrust with abandon into Felix, his hips moving harshly and fast as he pounded into the boy. Felix immediately choked on his moans, gripping Changbin’s forearm for dear life as his body was rocked hard from each thrust. He was in absolute heaven suddenly, his whole body on fire, his cock leaking onto his stomach as his prostate was assaulted more rapidly. With each thrust the fat head of Changbin’s cock was scraping it, sending heat into the pit of his stomach. The coil which was already wound so tight released, the first of his orgasms shooting violently out onto his own chest and stomach. 

Changbin laughed an amused laugh, his breathing harsh as he continued his wild pace. He loved watching Felix moan and scratch his forearm, his eyes rolling back into his head. Then without any notice, Changbin pulled out of him completely, letting go of his throat and leaving him gasping and confused, moaning out of desperation to be filled again. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t have to. Changbin gripped him and flipped him over, grabbing his hips and quickly slamming himself back inside of his gaping hole that was begging to be filled again. Felix bit down on his lip, wanting so badly to scream Changbin’s name, to say anything, he felt like he was losing his mind. Changbin had to know what angle was best in what position because once more his prostate was being abused. 

Felix could only moan and bite the blanket below him, his one hand gripping the blanket while the other reached back to try and touch Changbin, he had to know this was real. He felt like he wasn’t grounded, like he was losing his mind with each powerful thrust that Changbin sent into his body. A loud harsh moan escaped his lips when Changbin slapped his ass  _ hard _ , it stung in the best way, the pain making its way straight to his cock. “Good boy,” Changbin praised as Felix just stayed quiet, trying to press back into each rough hard thrust making its way into his body. For a moment the thrusts slowed, another harsh slap sounding off in his room, he loved it. He loved the way it felt like Changbin was made to fuck him, made to treat him like this. He never thought sex could be this amazing. Then it became darker, he almost panicked until he realized Changbin was just using Felix’s own t-shirt to blindfold him. He whimpered but allowed it to happen, his other senses already heightened so much. 

Without warning again the thrusts resumed, harshly pounding into him. Changbin was so deep, and so thick, it was mind numbing. When the older boy pressed his palm down on Felix’s lower back, giving himself more leverage to fuck into him, he came again. He didn’t care that he had cum right against his own pillows, preferring that than on his blanket if he was honest. “Fuck Felix, you’re so good for me. Taking my cock so well. Do you like being such a slut?” Felix moaned, why did he love this so much? Maybe it was because this was so different, Changbin was only ever sweet to him, always gentle and loving. So this side of him, the side treating him like this was refreshing. 

“Y-yes...love being  _ your slut..”  _ Felix made sure to emphasise that he was Changbin’s slut, and only his slut. If anyone else had ever said that to him, he would have punched them right then and there, but god when Changbin said it, it was almost like it was a term of endearment. Changbin moaned loudly at this, his pace faltering slightly as he pulled Felix up, replacing his hold on his throat once more. He pounded into him now while holding his back flush against his chest. Felix allowed himself to be held there with one hand on his throat and the other going straight to his cock, thumb pressing into his messy slit. Changbin began to quickly stroke him. Felix tried to stop him, tried to grip his forearm but Changbin was quick to end that. 

“Don’t,” he growled out. Felix moved his hands, scratching his own thighs as he felt his third orgasm approaching rapidly. He cried out loudly as his cock twitched violently, an amount of semen dribbled from the head of his cock onto the pillows in front of him. He felt his balls ache already, his cock trying to soften but Changbin not allowing it to fully. His body was becoming over sensitive, tears pricking his eyes as he felt like he was suffocating in pleasure. He began to whimper and whine more than moan, but he didn’t want to stop, he wanted to feel Changbin finish inside of him, wanted to feel his boyfriend cum inside of him and fill him up after fucking him so good. He wouldn’t use his safe word, he wanted to know what Changbin was like to the full extent before they moved onto other things. 

Changbin grunted and let go of Felix’s throat, holding him across his chest as he began to haphazardly thrust into his boyfriend. He reached up and pulled the blindfold off, feeling with his fingers how damp it was from Felix’s tears. He smirked, loving how much of a mess Felix was, his whines turning back into moans as his cock hardened once more. Changbin could tell, too, that Felix was over sensitive and overstimulation was happening to him. 

“I’m close, baby,” Changbin panted into Felix’s ear, kissing his neck in a much more sweet manner than how harshly his hips were slamming into the younger boy. He pulled out of Felix quickly, moving the pillows and putting him on his back, holding his legs up himself as he slid back inside. He leaned forward and captured Felix’s lips with his own, sloppily kissing him all the while continuing the assault on his cock, stroking it rapidly. The pace of Changbin’s hips was gone, he was just thrusting at this point to chase his high, the stroking of Felix’s cock ending up the same. 

There were stars in Felix’s vision, tears cascading down his face as he panted and moaned into the kiss. He felt himself about to cum for the fourth time, and when he did nothing came out of his cock, his balls beginning to physically ache. For whatever reason, he loved it, “Fu-fuck yes, Ch-changbin!” It was the most powerful yet, his whole body shaking from it. Changbin smirked and dropped his head onto Felix’s sweat covered chest, not annoyed in the slightest that Felix spoke, his own name falling from his boyfriend’s lips the final thing to send him over the edge. With three more harsh thrusts of his hips, he made sure his entire length was buried inside of Felix as he came hard, feeling himself fill his boyfriend. Felix himself moaned at the sensation, never having experienced it before. 

“Color?” Changbin questioned, unmoving and allowing himself to soften inside of his boyfriend. 

Felix laughed, lifting his tired arms to rub Changbin’s back, his fingers moving through the sweat soaked black hair. “Is there a color better than green?” 

Changbin laughed at his boyfriend and sat back, allowing his half hard cock to slip out. He sat on his legs, looking at Felix who seemed satisfied and pleased. 

“That was...amazing…” 

Changbin smiled and nodded in agreement, still trying to catch his breath, sweat rolling down his body. “Thank you for...letting me do that.” Felix just smiled an affectionate soft smile before he pulled Changbin back down to kiss him with the same emotion. When the older boy pulled away from the kiss, he quickly reached for his own boxers, sliding them back onto his own body. Next he went into Felix’s drawer, pulling out two pairs of sweatpants. One a black pair of nike sweats he had left here for himself, the other a pair of gray ones that belonged to Felix. 

“What are you doing?” Felix inquired. Changbin looked at him surprised. 

“Aftercare.” He said it so matter-of-factly. Felix was still unsure what that meant, but he allowed his boyfriend to slide the sweatpants onto his body before lifting him from his bed. 

“Aftercare?” Felix questioned, wanting him to elaborate. Changbin chuckled, figuring it would be better to show him than explain it. He put Felix down, and Felix expected he would be able to stand so that would be fine, but his legs immediately gave out, Changbin having to support him or else he would have hit the floor. Felix blushed, holding onto Changbin for dear life. 

“Your body needs some care, and it’s best to take a hot bath so that you aren’t super sore tomorrow. I wasn’t exactly gentle with you, and you’re not used to it, even if you did enjoy it.” Felix nodded, feeling sheepish and shy now. “So let me take care of you.” 

“Okay,” Felix said, wrapping an arm around Changbin’s shoulders when he was picked up bridal style once more. Changbin walked to Felix’s bedroom door, allowing the younger boy to open it before they walked into the living room. Both boys looked up to see Minho, Jisung, and Chris staring intently at them. Felix turned bright red, hiding his face in Changbin’s shoulder and neck, feeling like he was definitely going to die of embarrassment. Changbin on the other hand just smiled at them walking toward the bathroom. 

“Keep it down next time, you ruined the movie!” Minho shouted, a laugh evident in his voice while Jisung tried to shush him. Chris chuckled and shook his head, agreeing with Minho. Felix wasn’t sure how he was going to live that down. Changbin sat him on the toilet while he waited for the bath to heat up to a good temperature. Eventually he undressed Felix again, setting him in the tub and beginning to slowly wash him while kneeling outside of it on the cushioned floor mat. 

“Thank you,” Felix said, a stupid smile on his face as he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Changbin washing his chest and stomach. The older boy just smiled and leaned forward, kissing Felix’s head. When they were done, Changbin lifted him from the tub. He was able to at least stand on his own now. The raven haired boy still insisted on drying him and dressing him, making him wait on the toilet once more as he stepped into the shower, washing himself of lube and sweat. When he was finished and dressed once more, he walked next to Felix back to his bedroom. Felix made sure to glare at Minho who just smirked at him, wiggling his eyebrows for extra effect, causing Felix to just blush once more, flipping him off before he shut his bedroom door. 

“You’re amazing, you know,” Changbin said as he tucked Felix into his bed, walking to the other side to slide in himself, turning the bedside lamp off. The room was silent for a moment, the stillness comforting them both. 

“You are too, Binnie...I’m so happy.” 

Changbin scooted closer, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, placing soft kisses on his shoulder as they tried to stay awake. He was happy, too, and he hoped that the happiness they felt would continue. 

“I’m happy, too.” After a soft kiss shared between them, both boys laid their heads close together, Changbin’s hand resting on Felix’s chest, their fingers intertwined. They fell asleep like that, blissfully happy and unaware of the boys outside of the room quietly making fun of the pair of them in the most loving way possible. Needless to say, they both found that day rather pleasurable, in more ways than one. 


	9. Present: FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin and Hyunjin have some time together.  
> Chris might realize he has feelings for Felix, maybe, who knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapter summaries suck, but I wont apologize lmao  
> This is the last chapter I have written currently, I'll probably update once a week.

“I want you on your back,” the taller man said, his hand already reaching for the lube. Felix shook his head, he could still feel the alcohol fogging up his brain. He pulled his boxers off and dropped them onto the floor on top of his shirt and jeans. 

He turned to look at the guy in his room. It was nearing two in the morning and he knew Minho at least wasn’t home. He figured Chris wasn’t either, seeing as he had said something about going on a date himself. 

“I don’t do it like that.” Felix said, knowing even in his hazy state that he was never fond of  _ looking  _ at the person fucking him. It was because he knew who he wanted it to be, and who it was never going to be again. The alcohol made him brave, and also a little too stupid for his own good. The sex made him forget at least for a few minutes. Made him feel something other than the pain in his chest, other than the longing to be with the one man he would never be with again. 

Felix stroked himself a few times before he was roughly pushed onto his stomach. He didn’t care, he didn’t mind if the guy behind him, whose name he had never even asked for, wanted to be a bit rough. He brought his arms up to hug his pillow, laying with the side of his face on his pillow as well. He stared at his closet doors, focusing on trying to be as far away as possible from his own mind. He grunted when the man behind him thrust two fingers inside of him at once, it stung but he was willing to take it, hoping the guy knew what he was doing. Usually it didn’t feel as good at first, this wasn’t a loving environment, it was meant to just be meaningless one night sex. The pleasure usually took over after the first few thrusts inside of his body. So he allowed the roughness to continue. 

Had he not been intoxicated, had he not had had the last three drinks right before taking the taxi back to his apartment, had he just listened to his roommates and stopped this behavior, he wouldn’t have found himself in this situation. He inhaled sharply when he was thrust into, it burned horribly, it felt like he was being torn in half. He bit down on his pillow and tried to relax his body and find some pleasure in the pain. His foggy mind told him to give it another minute before he tapped out, wanting desperately to get lost in the sensation of being fucked. When the man behind him pushed into him roughly a few times not even giving him a moment to adjust to the intrusion, he panicked. His drunk mind immediately went to the safe word he had never needed to say.

“Pterodactyl!” He shouted loudly, his breath escaping his body as the man behind him continued his rough assault on his body. 

“Weird kink, but alright.” The man laughed, gripping the back of Felix’s neck to hold him down as he became more rough with his thrusts and pace. Felix felt like he was going to throw up, he was in a blinding amount of pain, his brain was on fire screaming for him to get away. It was at this moment he was glad he was stronger than he looked. 

“I said stop, you fuck-!” He used his elbow, slamming it into the man's ribs on the side of his body that was using the arm to pin Felix’s neck down. The guy immediately let go, allowing Felix to throw himself back and shove the man off of him roughly, standing up and staggering toward his bedroom door. The man stood up and glared at Felix, a sick look in his eyes. 

“Oh, so you like it like that, huh, slut?” The man approached him, grabbing his wrist and trying to drag him back to the bed. At the same time that Felix decided he had enough of the guy, Chris was opening his door. He had heard Felix shout a safe word he had told Chris about years ago, it sent panic into Chris. The noises from Felix’s room hadn’t stopped, and he wasn’t about to let someone abuse his friend. 

When Chris opened the door, he was graced with the sight of a naked Felix punching the guy in his room square in the face, knocking the much bigger guy to the ground. The younger boy looked at Chris, too drunk to care about being naked. He went over and bent down, grabbing his black boxers and sliding them onto his thin frame. 

“Get the fuck out of my place,” Felix said, tossing the guy’s clothes at him while Chris stood in between them, not sure if Felix even wanted his help. The guy just groaned and pulled on his boxers, the only allowance of kindness he was given. Chris and Felix pushed him out of their apartment locking the door behind him. Felix was still panting, causing his older friend a great amount of worry. 

“A-are you alright, Felix?” Chris asked, hesitantly, reaching out to touch his friend's shoulder. Felix leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, his eyes shut as he tried to regain himself. 

“Yeah, I don’t think he actually tore anything, I don’t feel any blood running down my leg or some shit…,” he trailed off, trying to ignore the painful discomfort coming from his body. He tried to laugh it off and walk past Chris but his friend stopped him and looked into his face, the annoyance and anger evident just in his eyes. “What?” Felix said, trying to sound indifferent. 

“This is ruining you,” he said sternly, “I bet they don’t even fuck you good enough to take your mind fully away, so you’re just hurting yourself.” 

“Well, good sex is debatable…” Felix grumbled under his breath as he looked away from Chris. He tried to focus on not being mad at his friend, seeing as how he was likely acting this way due to worry. He didn’t want them to worry though, he had control of himself, or at least he thought he did. 

“Listen,” Chris said, breaking Felix from his thoughts, “if you want good sex for the sake of sex and not to hurt yourself, come talk to me about it.” He finished, staring at Felix who suddenly had a startled look on his face. 

He tilted his head, opening and closing his mouth a few times, raising his hand and giving Chris the most confused look he had ever imagined. Chris was slow on the uptake, only realizing after thirty seconds of confused silence how that had to have sounded to Felix. 

“Wait! No, no,” Chris held his hands up, waving them rapidly in the air, “I’m not saying we can fuck, I’m saying come to me instead of throwing yourself in those situations.” 

Felix just nodded, “...okay,” the confusion still evident on his face as he walked past Chris and to the bathroom, needing to shower to rid himself of how filthy he felt. Chris watched this and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and smacking the back of his head once the bathroom door clicked shut. 

_ “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid,”  _ he mentally scolded himself. He didn’t want to admit it, and if Felix or Minho would ever ask he would deny it, but he was somewhat jealous. Jealous of all the men, and rarely women, who wandered into their apartment late at night with Felix. The people he tried so desperately to lose himself in. He was tired of seeing Felix like this, tired of seeing him hurt. He missed Changbin, too. At this point Chris was ready to give Felix anything to take his pain away, and most days he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was that they sometimes bonded over the pain or the loss they felt, maybe it was something else he wasn’t ready to admit. Instead of bothering Felix more, he went back to his own room and laid down on his bed, staring up at his ceiling until sleep would inevitably take over. 

>>>>

Felix was awoken by arms gently circling around his waist. He groaned slightly, opening one eye to look down at whoever was pressing their body into his. Jisung looked up at him, a smile on his face as he cuddled closer to Felix. “What time is it…” Felix felt gross, his mouth was dry and tacky, his head was pounding, and his ass was still in a slight amount of pain. 

“Just after ten,” Jisung said, his voice soft and low. He knew Felix likely had a hangover and wanted to make sure not to cause him any more pain than he was already in. “I was going to leave, but Chris told us what happened last night and...I didn’t want to leave after that. I just want to spend the day with you.” Jisung buried his face into Felix’s chest, holding onto him tightly as if it was the last time he would ever see his friend. 

“Come on, let's get up,” the blonde said, pulling Jisung’s arms from around his waist and rolling out of bed. He visibly winced when he went to walk, stopping to hold his lower back. He was definitely going to need something for the pain. It wasn’t extreme, but it was uncomfortable and stung to walk. Jisung frowned at the obvious amount of discomfort his friend was in, sliding off the bed as well and following him like a lost puppy out into the main area of the apartment. 

When they entered, Chris was sitting on the couch, his legs crossed and laptop propped on them, typing away intently. Minho, on the other hand, was in the kitchen cooking what smelled like pancakes and bacon. Felix knew what this meant, Minho was equal parts pissed and worried. He only ever cooked that exact combo when he wanted to yell at Felix, but also console him. He laughed lightly, sitting down as Jisung brought him water and something for both his pain and the hangover. 

“Thank you,” he said while lifting the glass up toward Jisung. The boy, who was only older by one day, smiled softly and sat behind him on the chair, rubbing his shoulders gently. Eventually Chris looked up from his laptop and shut it, setting it on the coffee table in front of him. He looked at Felix with so much emotion mixing in his eyes that Felix had to look away, he was definitely in for it today. 

“How are you feeling?” Chris sounded soft, too soft for Felix’s liking. 

“Fine,” he said in response, looking down at the water in his hand, not wanting to make eye contact. He didn’t want to see the pity, didn’t want to feel like a burden, didn’t want to feel the emotions he was trying so desperately to keep pushed down. 

“Sounds like a lie,” Minho said, walking into the living room and pointing behind him to the pancakes and bacon sitting on their kitchen island that they rarely ever used for dining. “Get food, and then when you’re full, we are going to talk. After we talk, we’re going to stay home and have a day together. No arguing, this isn’t a conversation.” Felix rolled his eyes, he stood up and just did as Minho said, refusing to look his best friend in the face either. Jisung smiled softly at his boyfriend, seeing the look on his face. Minho was in so much pain, but not because Felix was a burden. It was because he loved the boy, and knowing he was putting himself in harm's way wasn’t something he could stomach. He wasn’t going to let him destroy himself over Changbin, even if the man was his soulmate. Not everyone got to meet their soulmate, in fact he knew that Felix and himself were lucky, but it didn’t mean they needed to end up with their soulmate. So many people probably opted not to, maybe they just weren’t good together, maybe they weren’t attracted to one another, maybe it was something else. It didn’t matter what, it just mattered that Felix wasn’t unique in this light, he wasn’t alone not being with his soulmate, he would be fine. Minho just needed to make sure he understood that, make sure he understood he needed to stop doing what he was doing. 

Chris and Felix sat down at the same time, both of their plates piled high. Minho always made what may seem an excessive amount of food to some people, but really he just knew that his roommates ate an insane amount of food. The brunette constantly wondered how they didn’t gain weight. Jisung brought two plates into the living room for himself and Minho, offering his boyfriend the plates before he slowly walked back into the kitchen to make coffee. 

“Anyone else want some coffee?” His voice had an almost calming effect on the whole room, each one of them somehow settling more into their spot. 

“That sounds nice,” Felix said, turning his head slightly to look at Jisung who was peeking around the corner at them to make sure he caught if anyone wanted some. Minho just nodded, knowing his boyfriend was looking. Chris opted to stay quiet, not one for coffee, which they all knew but it never stopped them all from offering. 

Jisung made his way back into the living room with two cups of coffee, quickly sliding into the kitchen once more to grab his own cup. Felix smiled at him and sipped the hot liquid, liking the way it burned his throat. He ate the bacon first, savoring it before he began to eat his syrup covered pancakes. By the time Felix was half way done with his plate, Chris was on his second, both Jisung and Minho barely halfway with their much smaller servings. Minho eyed Felix the entire time the boy ate, while he was smiling every so often when he took an exceptionally tasty bite of food, or when the hot coffee scorched his throat like he liked, he was still worried. 

“That was really good, Min, thank you,” Chris said, standing up and taking everyone’s plates into the kitchen, intent on washing them. Felix stood up and walked back to his room, grabbing his phone and considering shutting his door and locking it. When he took a minute too long debating on stowing away in his own room to keep from hearing Minho’s lecture, the older boy appeared in his doorway. His arms were crossed over his chest, mouth in a straight line as his eyes stared at Felix. 

“What?” Felix said, throwing his hands up a few inches and then letting them fall back down. Minho sighed and walked over to him, pulling the boy into a hug, wrapping his arms around Felix in the most loving hug he could muster. Felix tried to deny himself the warmth of the hug, tried to stay rigid and emotionless, something he was also attempting to implement in his daily life to avoid feeling anything at all relating to Changbin, but he failed. He wrapped his arms around Minho as well, burying his face in the slightly taller boy's neck and shoulder. He refused to cry harshly, just letting a few sniffles and tears occur between them. Minho was rarely soft with him, rarely gentle and quiet. Usually he was loud and brash, telling Felix the hard truth of it all, and knowing this made the moment between them harder for Felix to resist breaking down. 

“I love you  _ so  _ much Felix,” Minho sighed and rubbed the back of his friend's head, fingers threading into the blonde hair. The younger boy just listened as Minho continued, “I understand you’re trying to find your own way to deal with this pain, but please...you can’t continue like this.” His grip tightened on Felix and the boy nearly broke, but he didn’t want to cry anymore. Instead Felix hugged him back tighter, burying his face more and letting out a shaky breath before responding. 

“I don’t know what to do...it just hurts all the time, Min. I have no idea how to make the pain go away,” Felix inhaled harshly before pulling away from the hug and wiping his eyes, looking at his friend in the face. “I know I should stop, I just have no idea how. What else am I supposed to do to feel something other than pain and sadness? I feel like I’m drowning in it.” He wiped his eyes more, moving forward to hug Minho again, the boy willingly encircling him with his arms. 

Minho hugged him tightly once more, the two boys just standing there as the time ticked by. Minho didn’t really have the answer, all he knew was that time heals everything. It might never be the same, might never be one hundred percent okay, but it would heal and Felix would know things other than pain, sorrow, and sadness. 

“I think you just have to rely on us. You have to let yourself hurt, Felix, how else are you going to get over it? You have to deal with it...we all have to deal with pain eventually.” Minho had experienced his fair share of pain when they were in high school together. He lost a few family members and was experiencing bullying before Felix had moved to where they all lived now. Felix had stood up for Minho despite being the new kid in school. If the older boy hadn’t have been in such a dark place from losing three family members in the same month, he would have defended himself like usual, but the kindness Felix showed him was something Minho would never be able to repay, seeing as Felix ended up with a black eye and a split lip fighting someone he shouldn’t have been. “Let us help you heal. Let us be there for you when you want to go out and have sex. No more drinking unless with us. No more strangers in the apartment. If I have to stay up every night until you come home I will.” He looked at Felix, the loving but parental look in his eyes. 

“I’ll try…” Felix trailed off, looking away. He wanted to stop, he really did, but the thought of having to just feel everything he was trying to run from was already making him feel like he was being suffocated. 

“Lix, it’s only been two months, of course it hurts this bad still...just trust me and rely on us. You’re not a burden, we love you. I love you. I’ll stay by your side every day until you’re better if I have to,” he held Felix’s face, looking directly into his eyes to make sure he got his point across. 

Felix laughed and wiped away a few tears, “I’m not sure Jisung would like that.”

“Would like what?” the chipper boy said, peeking his head into the room before walking in and hugging the two other boys tightly, squeezing them all together. “Whatever Minho said, I agree. So now let’s get this boys day on a roll. Chris is setting up mario kart, and I have been practicing, so you are all about to lose,” he put a greater emphasis on the last word, smirking as he walked back out into the living room. Minho and Felix smiled at one another. The older boy rested his forehead against the younger's, holding the back of his neck for a few moments, both of their eyes closed as they just stood there taking in how much affection they had for one another. 

With a whispered,  _ ‘thank you’ _ coming from Felix, they exited the room. A sad smile was on both of their faces showing that the pain was felt throughout them all like a ripple effect. The day was going to begin with fun and continue until Felix was laughing and smiling, the three other boys in the room were going to make damn sure of that. 

>>

“So how many dates is this?” Hyunjin asked offhandedly. He walked with his hands in his pockets, his jeans tight against his long legs as they lazily made their way through the sunset soaked streets. 

“Four? I think…,” Changbin looked forward, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to count the dates. They had hung out as friends, but Hyunjin always made sure to ask if it was a date or not. The way Changbin liked it to be black and white and orderly in bed Hyunjin liked that honesty in his whole life. 

“So by the time we hit twelve dates, maybe you’ll end up my boyfriend,” Hyunjin laughed lightly, bumping Changbin’s shoulder and causing the older boy to laugh lightly. They had talked previously about how Changbin often waited six months before dating people, and the only person he ever broke that pattern with was Felix. The same boy who had ended up breaking his heart, so Changbin was back to his usual pattern, wanting to make sure it was worthwhile before jumping into it. 

“Maybe,” Changbin smiled softly, feeling like while Hyunjin had seemed understanding, maybe he was already tired of the waiting. 

“I want you to know, I’m invested. You’re one of the nicest guys I have ever met. You’re smart, funny, sweet, strong, and hot as fuck, honestly,” Hyunjin smirked and then winked at Changbin when they made eye contact. “All I’m saying is, we can take our time, I really don’t mind. In case you thought maybe I did. You’re worth the wait, I can tell.” Hyunjin stopped walking when he noticed Changbin had halted. He turned to look at him, the much shorter man staring at him. 

Without words, Changbin walked over to Hyunjin, leaning up to kiss the boy who was a total four and a half inches taller. Their lips moved together softly, a promise of more to come, a promise of later, not tomorrow, but an inevitable future they would have together. 

“You are...magnificent…,” Changbin’s voice was raspy and full of emotions he wished he didn’t have. While he was looking at Hyunjin, enjoying kissing his plush lips, his mind kept flashing images of Felix. Kept replaying Felix’s smile, the way his eyes turned into little crescent moons, the way he would laugh and look at Changbin so lovingly. He knew that while the boy in front of him was captivating him, and luring him in, it would take those six months to fully recover from these things. To get over the moments like this, when the pain threatened to swallow him whole even while in the presence of someone who he found himself attracted to and falling for, even if it was slowly. 

“Want to stay at my place tonight? We can watch some more old movies, drink some wine. You know, as friends,” Hyunjin looked at Changbin, he could see the gears turning, see the slight pain in his eyes behind the tenderness he so often looked at him with. The older raven haired boy nodded and walked next to Hyunjin in silence on the way to his house. He was endlessly thankful Hyunjin was so genuine, and so understanding. Changbin counted his blessings, and Hyunjin was definitely one of them. 

The walk to his house was silent, the two of them enjoying the view. Hyunjin pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, allowing Changbin to step inside first. They removed their shoes and put them on the metal shoe rack Hyunjin had next to his front door. The younger of the two walked away from Changbin, since he knew the layout of Hyunjin’s home well by now. So while Hyunjin was getting them a few snacks and bringing the wine for them, Changbin was making himself at home on the couch, his shorts riding up slightly and showing off his muscular thighs. He looked down at them, noticing how they didn’t fill out his shorts as much as before. He also had to resort to wearing belts more often now. He hadn’t been hitting the gym, and possibly he was forgetting to eat, something Hyunjin was trying to change. 

“Do you want to go workout together tomorrow? I have to get a good run in, and figured you’d like to join. I know neither of us have work.” Hyunjin set down the two random glasses he pulled from his dishwasher, pouring a copious amount of wine into his own cup, but only filling Changbin’s halfway. The older boy reached for his glass, sitting back again and contemplating what Hyunjin had asked. He should want to go to the gym, but he’d rather sleep. Not that he had ever found much fun in going to the gym before, he did it because he liked to eat, and he didn’t want to gain excessive weight. Now though, Hyunjin wanted him to go, and wanted to go together. So it would probably be more enjoyable regardless. 

“Sure, eight sound good? I prefer to go in the morning,” he looked down at his watch seeing that it was only nearing eight at night as well, so they still had a few hours to kill. “We can still watch a movie and eat these snacks, then go to sleep.” He smiled at Hyunjin who was sipping his wine, his head rested on his palm as he looked at Changbin. 

“That sounds fine,” Hyunjin took a deep breath, something he didn’t often do in that manner, signaling he wanted to talk about something. “I can see that you’re hurt sometimes, you know? Like there’s this...this deep pain inside of you. Even through all of the affection, and happiness I see, I can still see this glimmer of agony, and I want you to know you can talk to me about it, Bin. You can open up more than you did just telling me about Felix. I’m not going to run away because you open up.” His voice was soft and gentle, the way it carried on the air to Changbin’s ears was calming. It dripped into his skull like honey, soothing him and making him relax further into the couch. He didn’t even need alcohol to feel calm and ready to pour his life story out onto the table for Hyunjin to see. 

The older boy put his glass down and inched closer to Hyunjin, leaning his own head on his palm as they looked into one another's eyes. Changbin let his eyes slowly fall downward, landing on Hyunjin’s lips. He watched the boy lick them moments before the owner of those lips leaned forward, pressing their mouths together. Hyunjin used his long arms to place his glass onto the coffee table next to them without breaking the kiss. Each kiss they shared was always so soft and full of hesitation on both their parts. This kiss, however, evolved. Hyunjin pressed into Changbin, lying him on his back, his body placed firmly between the older boy's legs as their lips moved together. 

Changbin felt his entire body heat up, it wasn’t an entirely sexual thing either. He felt the affection and care Hyunjin was placing into each movement of his lips, each gentle swipe of his tongue. The tenderness of his hands holding onto Changbin’s sides. This wasn’t meant to go further than this, and he was thankful for that too. Hyunjin eventually pulled away and looked down at Changbin who was breathing slightly heavily, his eyes watering. The way he felt left him an emotional mess, left him wanting to feel the gentle affection of being kissed by someone who liked him until the pain in his chest dissipated entirely. 

“It..it really fucking hurts,” Changbin said, tears slowly traveling down toward his ears. He tried to hide his face behind his arm but Hyunjin stopped him, leaning down to kiss his forehead, then his nose, and finally his lips. It was soft, and held so many emotions behind it that Changbin almost sobbed when the younger boy pulled back. Hyunjin sat back against the couch, pulling Changbin’s legs over his own and rubbing his thigh reassuringly. 

“I’m sure it does...do you want to tell me about it?” His voice was soft still, he didn’t want to seem pushy or overly eager for Changbin to open up. He wanted the older boy to willingly tell him how he was feeling. 

“I just...I dream about him still. I think about him so often and...it’s always good things, but that hurts just as much because it reminds me that it is all over. It’s not like I didn’t have a part in it...I’m the one who left, I blocked him, I walked away from even my friends but…” Changbin clamped both hands over his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as if it would somehow soften his sob that tore through his body. “I...I don’t understand why...why he left...why it hurts so bad...why I can’t just forget him…” He felt horrible, he felt like he was going to push Hyunjin away. Much to his surprise Hyunjin just smiled at him, reaching up and rubbed his chest with such a tender touch. 

“It’s okay to feel like that, Bin. That seems pretty normal, you’re still healing. It’s not like people just heal overnight from something like that and...you said he was your soulmate before so...I think that probably makes it hurt a lot more…” he trailed off, looking at Changbin’s face. “I can’t fix you, we both know that, but I know that I can be there for you, so if you’re sad, be sad. I’m not going to be upset if you hang with me and just want to shed some tears and watch sad movies. Or if you want to cry and talk about it. We’re both human, and I know you’d do the same for me.” Hyunjin gave him that beautiful soft smile that held more affection than the ocean did water. It made Changbin’s heart hum, his tears slowly stopping as he focused on the soft circles being rubbed into his chest to soothe him. 

“Thank you…” Changbin’s voice said, softly. 

“Any time.” 

>>

Felix tried to catch his breath, hoping his hold didn’t waiver. He could barely keep his fingers clamped shut as Jisung struggled to get away from him. He was pinning his friend to the ground, holding onto his own hands to keep Jisung from escaping. The boy scream-laughed as Minho made quick work of removing his socks and tickling his feet. The entire debacle occurring was because Minho had mentioned that Jisung made the most  _ horrendous  _ sounding laugh when you tickled both feet at once. Chris was watching from the couch, his eyebrow cocked upward as he shook his head. Jisung finally let out his horrible laugh and sent Felix and Minho reeling, both boys throwing themselves away from Jisung and laughing until they couldn’t make noise anymore. Jisung smacked them both with a pillow, continuing to beat them while they clutched their sides and silently laughed, gasping for air to try and refill their lungs and deoxygenated brains. 

“Y-you sound like a fucking moaning d-duck!” Felix shouted while laughing, desperately trying to crawl away from Jisung as he smacked him with a pillow once more. 

“Shut up you bag of dicks!” Jisung shouted, jumping on Felix and trying to tickle the boy back, granting himself some squeaky laughs leaving Felix’s body. Minho was done laughing, wiping the tears away from his face as he tried to pry Jisung off of Felix, only causing himself to laugh more at the sight before him. Chris was still sitting on the couch, watching the sight before him. He watched it all unfold while they played mario party, Minho being bested by Jisung once more and making a remark about the boy’s laugh when his feet are tickled. Jisung had quickly told him to shut up, prompting Felix to be interested in hearing said laugh. While all of it was quite comical, the only thing Chris could focus on was the way Felix laughed and smiled. It was a deep laugh, one he had heard a million times before, one he had seen and sometimes been the cause of. It’s the laugh he has when he is happy, really happy, not pretending to be fine or happy. His eyes no longer visible as they crinkle at the edges, becoming the most adorable crescent moons Chris has ever seen. His face is dusted pink, hiding some of his lighter freckles. 

The older boy swallowed thickly, realizing he himself was beginning to blush just by looking at Felix. By listening to his laugh, and watching how his mouth opens wide, showing his bright white teeth. The happiness had him smiling himself, and realizing how beautiful he thought Felix was when he laughed and smiled, how beautiful he was when the sweat started to glisten on his forehead and face from wrestling with Jisung. How he rolled around on the floor to try and escape his friend’s tickling hands, even that movement was beautiful. He forced himself to look away, laughing to show he thought the whole thing was funny, and not give away that he was suddenly finding himself gawking at his roommate. 

Once Minho had fully removed Jisung from Felix, he looked at the time. It was already past eleven and they all had work or classes in the morning. Felix sat up and looked at Chris who was cleaning up the living room, standing to do the same. Minho placed a pouting Jisung on the chair and handed him his socks before helping his roommates clean up. 

“Today was really great, thanks guys,” Felix said, smiling as he picked up plates and empty fast food containers. Jisung smiled as he pulled his socks on, standing to collect his things and place them near the apartment door. Chris smiled and eyed the boy as Jisung went over to hug him from behind. 

“No problem Lix, we love you a ton. Today was fun for us, too. Next time you feel sad just call one of us, okay?” 

Felix nodded, resigning to going to his friends instead of allowing himself to try and drown his sorrows in sex and alcohol. “I will…,” he said softly, rubbing Jisung’s arms until the boy let go. Minho quickly cleaned some dishes and then walked over to Jisung, as he shooed him toward his shoes and the door. 

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow, I’ll stay home for the rest of the week since Jisung has a lot of work to do.” He eyed his boyfriend before turning back to Chris and Felix. “Try not to kill one another until I get home.” He gave them a small laugh and wink before slipping on his boots and following Jisung out of the apartment. 

Felix and Chris continued cleaning in mutual silence until everything was in its rightful place, or relatively clean. Felix smiled at Chris and waved a goodnight to him, going into the bathroom to quickly get ready for sleep. His nightly routine varied, sometimes it took him half an hour, other times he cut corners and chopped it down to a meager five minutes. Tonight was a cutting corners kind of night. He was exhausted from laughing and shouting, but he was happy about it. His body had a pleasant hum coursing through it. So when he slid himself into his bed, listening to Chris brush his teeth in the bathroom across from his door, he found himself dumbly smiling as he drifted off to sleep. 

While he was happy while awake for once, his dreams played a horrible trick on him. All of the hard work of the day, where he tried to remind himself he still had happiness in his life was washed away by the way his brain functioned once he was asleep. He dreamt of Changbin smiling at him as he woke up, rolling over to wrap his muscular arms around Felix’s waist. Planting soft loving kisses behind his ear and on his neck, whispering how much he loved him, and he felt  _ so, so  _ loved in that dream. He woke up smiling, mumbling the older boy's name as he reached over for him, only to feel a cold empty bed. His dream had convinced him once more that none of it had happened, that when he woke up he would be as happy as he was when he went to sleep. He felt the tears sting his eyes, felt his chest tighten as he sat up and removed himself from his bed and room. 

The only thing he reminded himself of was that it wasn’t his bed, Minho had willingly switched beds with him. That was never the bed Changbin had laid in, it wasn’t full of memories, they hadn’t fallen in love on that bed. In fact at first Felix didn’t know that Minho had removed Felix’s mattress as well, buying himself a new one, saying that he wanted an upgrade anyway. At first Felix was upset, but it became comforting to not have the same things he fell in love on, in his apartment. He didn’t know what to do, so dangerously close to finding whatever alcohol they had in the apartment to drown his emotions. His chocolate colored brown eyes slowly wandered to Chris’ slightly ajar bedroom door. Hesitantly he walked the few steps toward it, pushing it open and walking inside. 

The alarm clock next to Chris’s bed read 1:14am. He sighed and walked over to the empty side of the bed, looking at the vacant spot and then to Chris. It took him a total of five minutes to finally get up the courage to lean forward and gently shake his friend’s arm. 

“Hn?” Chris said, sitting up abruptly and looking at Felix. His hair was sticking in multiple directions, eyes glazed over from sleep. “What’s going on?” He asked, his voice groggy. Felix looked down and gripped his own shirt in his hand before he spoke, feeling childish. 

“I..I had this dream about Bin, and when I woke up I thought he’d be there...the bed feels so empty and...I jus...just can’t sleep in an empty bed tonight…” His tears threatened to fall as his throat tightened. He didn’t have to ask directly, he didn’t even have a moment to think about asking in fact. Chris reached out and grabbed Felix by his shirt, pulling him onto the bed and tossing the messy blankets over him. The sound of the air conditioner was the only noise in the room as Chris rubbed Felix’s arm gently, trying to stay awake to comfort his friend. 

“It’s okay, Lix...you can sleep in here...I don’t mi………...mind….” he trailed off at the end, obviously falling asleep. Felix felt better already, surprisingly enough, and found himself slowly slipping off to sleep as well. Two hours later Chris woke up, staring directly into the sleeping face of Felix. He blinked and looked at how close their bodies were. How their legs had managed to tangle together, how Felix’s smaller hand was pressed gently against his bare chest. He swallowed thickly, eyes trailing to Felix’s face, staying for far too long when he got to his lips. They were parted slightly, his breathing shallow and soft. Chris could smell his breath, and for some reason it smelled wonderfully sweet, enticing almost. He stilled himself, he knew he had said he didn’t mind Felix sleeping with him, but maybe he did mind. He minded because right now the only thing he wanted to do was lean in and kiss the boy sleeping near him, wanted to pull him closer and make him forget all the pain that he was experiencing. It was in that moment that Chris realized he may have had the smallest crush on Felix, something he wasn’t about to allow himself to admit just yet. 


	10. Past: FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix and Minho meet Jisung  
> Changbin and Felix celebrate their one year anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys really do be cute though.   
> Minho and Jisung are cute af, and Felix is sassy as always  
> Also hope you enjoy the cute anniversary they have :)

Felix hummed to himself absently as he scanned the coffee shop’s menu. Minho was standing behind him texting Chris that they were in line, and that they would be over in a few minutes. 

“What do I want?” Felix mumbled to himself, rocking on his heels before turning to Minho. “What do you usually get?” He looked lost. Minho laughed at this, placing a hand on his shoulder and stepping in front of Felix to order. 

“Yeah, can I get two iced americanos, one with extra sugar and cream in it. The other plain is fine. Also two banana nut muffins.” He smiled at the girl behind the counter as he paid, taking the muffins and walking over to the section where they waited for their drinks. 

“Why did you get two muffins?” Felix questioned, looking quizzically at Minho’s face. Usually he would only eat one, especially on days he was going to the gym. Minho glanced over at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Tell me you forgot we were meeting Chris’s co-worker today…” Minho blinked a few times at Felix’s face watching it fall. He mouthed ‘oh’ before looking away embarrassed. Minho shook his head and nudged his friend, giving him a smile. The boy was sometimes forgetful, but it was endearing. “I got it for him, as like an offering or something.” Minho shrugged, grabbing his drink as it was set down in front of them. Felix grabbed his own, shoving the straw into it and sipping, making sure it was sweet enough. Spoiler, it wasn’t. He grabbed more sugar packets and followed Minho to the back of the shop where Chris was sitting and chatting with the newcomer in a cozy booth. 

“Hey guys.” Minho said as he sat down next to Felix who had slid in next to Chris. Felix was already pouring more sugar into his drink, the new guy watching him and laughing lightly at his antics, his face saying how unsure he was of how to react to Felix. 

“Jisung, this is Minho and Felix.” Chris gestured to them respectively and they both smiled at the boy named Jisung. Minho looked over his features for a moment, finding he enjoyed them far more than he thought he should, so he looked away. He opted to stare at Felix who was adding yet more sugar to his coffee. 

“Don’t you think that’s en-” Minho stopped when Felix shot him a glare. “I suppose not.” He cleared his throat, sliding the muffin he had gotten for Jisung across the table to him. “I got this for you, hope the flavor is okay. It’s my favorite.” He glanced at Jisung who smiled at him, his cheeks rounding out more, Minho definitely didn’t find that absolutely adorable, of course not. 

“Thanks, I like this kind.” Jisung smiled gently, slowly ripping off a piece and popping it into his mouth, stuffing it into his cheek as he began to chew it. Minho watched this, internally groaning over how cute this guy was. It honestly wasn’t fair. Normally he didn’t feel things like this toward people he just met; something was definitely different about Jisung, though. 

“So how did you guys meet again?” Felix questioned, sipping his now overly sweet coffee. It was just the way he liked it. Jisung laughed lightly, glancing over at Minho for a brief second before turning his attention to Felix. 

“I recently started working in the same area as Chris, but I’ve actually worked there longer. I came in and listened to what he was doing and I wrote a joke rap and he loved it, and I guess we are going to produce music together? As long as the higher ups allow us to, usually it’s one person production but, we worked really well together. A month later and he asked if I wanted to meet you guys.” Jisung laughed and smiled as Chris looked at him fondly, already enjoying the younger boy's friendship. 

“He’s really talented,” Chris added in, smiling as Felix nodded and sipped his coffee. 

“That’s really cool. I’m still in school, no idea what I want to do though…” Felix looked at Jisung who was very obviously staring at Minho. Trying not to be too obvious when Chris started talking to Jisung about work, Felix glanced at Minho who lifted his eyes once Jisung looked away. The Australian smirked, leaning back to watch this unfold. Jisung turned back to Felix, smiling at him and leaning on his arms, picking at his muffin in almost the same fashion as Minho. 

“I’m still in school too, actually. I started a year early though, this is supposed to be a paid internship, but they already offered me a position so that was cool.” He grinned widely, giving Chris a high five. 

“Honestly you’re a genius, Jisung,” Chris said, picking up his own coffee and drinking from the cup. Jisung waved Chris’s praise away, glancing over at Minho who had happened to look up at the same time, their eyes meeting. They held one another's gaze for a few seconds before both turned away. Jisung surprisingly played it off well, acting like nothing happened while Felix caught Minho’s red face and ears looking away. The younger leaned toward his best friend, acting like he was just resting against him, and whispered with as much smugness as he could, “I saw that.” 

Minho turned to glare at him, his eyes promising the threat he wouldn’t say out loud. Felix stifled his laugh and sipped his drink, watching Chris and Jisung for a moment before engaging in conversation with them. Minho would eventually speak as well, but it didn’t take away from how flustered he was around Jisung, and how everyone noticed but refused to really mention it. 

>>>>

It had been two months of getting to know Jisung, and it was beyond obvious that Minho was smitten over him. He was over the apartment as much as Changbin was, not that Felix minded. Jisung and himself had already become great friends, finding out they were born only one day apart. The boy was sweet enough to be texting Felix as he sat quietly under an overhang in front of an ice cream shop, saying he hoped the rain hadn’t ruined his anniversary with Changbin. Felix smiled warmly, replying to say it could never ruin his day, and thanking Jisung for worrying like the good friend he was. Just as he shut off his phone and slid it back into his jeans, Changbin walked out of the shop holding two different cups of ice cream. He smiled at Felix and sat down, holding both out. 

“One is strawberry and chocolate, the other is blueberry and vanilla. Up to you which one you want.” Changbin gave him the same gentle and loving smile he always did. Felix bit his bottom lip and looked between the two, slowly taking the chocolate and strawberry one out of Changbin’s hand and giving him a sheepish smile. Changbin just grinned and put his own ice cream down, leaning on one arm as he spooned a small amount into his mouth. “So I was thinking…” He trailed off, looking at his ice cream and poking it with his small spoon as Felix stuffed a large chunk of strawberry and chocolate ice cream into his mouth. 

“Hm?” he said, his mouth full. 

“Well, I know we said no expensive gifts, so I didn’t get you anything really but...I did  _ kind of  _ do something for you, maybe?” Changbin looked up at Felix who blinked a few times, finishing his bite and swallowing. 

“What did you do?” He said, suspiciously as Changbin seemed to get more nervous as the seconds ticked by. The older boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a chain with a ring on it. He held it out to Felix for him to take, which he did so cautiously. He looked it over and then looked up at Changbin who just shrugged. “Isn’t this your ring?” Felix questioned, obvious confusion making its way onto his face as his eyebrows knitted together, his lips turning down slightly at the corners. This caused Changbin to chuckle, shaking his head, hair falling in front of his eyes before he looked back up at his boyfriend. 

“Yes, but you always play with it when I wear it, so I wanted to give it to you. Sort of as like a promise to always love you and try my hardest to be everything you want and need.” His voice was so full of emotion that Felix had to clear his own throat to not almost choke up at the sentimentality of it all. He nodded in response to Changbin and put the necklace on. Once he was done sliding it over his head, hanging down to the middle of his chest, he looked at his wrist. He took the metal bracelet that he always wore off, holding it out to Changbin. 

“Here, take it,” he said, shaking it a bit at the older boy. Changbin reached out and took it gently, immediately placing it on his wrist and grinning up at Felix, the boys just exchanging looks. “It looks better on you than me, and I love that.” Felix laughed, leaning his head on his palm and looking Changbin over as he admired his new piece of jewelry. 

“Guess we both have a little piece of one another now, huh?” Changbin asked, reaching out to hold Felix’s free hand, squeezing it a bit. “Today has been so nice, even if it is raining now.” Felix nodded in agreement, looking out at the rain that fell around them. He had been so wrapped up in the moment with Changbin that once again he hadn’t even noticed the rain or the sound it made. They sat there in relative silence, listening to the rain beat against the fabric of the overhang. Their fingers stayed laced while their other hands scooped ice cream into their mouths, glances being exchanged occasionally. Soft smiles were worn on their faces while they ate, just enjoying the company of one another. Eventually the ice cream was gone, and they were standing looking at one another then out to the wet streets where the rain was still falling. 

“Well, neither of us have an umbrella, we could try to run to a store and grab one or…?” Changbin looked at Felix who was already stepping out into the rain, a big smile on his face as it began to soak into his hair and shirt. The younger boy shrugged and turned to look at Changbin. 

“A little rain never hurt anyone. Come on.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Changbin just laughed, stepping out into the precipitation, grabbing Felix’s hand as they began the walk back to his apartment. The water ran down their arms, sliding between their laced fingers as they walked and laughed at how progressively soaked they were becoming. “If we get cold we can just take a warm shower together and snuggle in my bed,” Felix said, swinging their hands a bit, enjoying the weight of Changbins’ ring slightly bumping against his chest with each step he took. The raven haired boy smiled, nodding in agreement. 

“That would be nice, but honestly you’re always so warm, we could just get in the covers and you’d warm us both right up.” Changbin laughed heartily as Felix bumped into him causing him to stagger a bit. There were so many unsaid words between them, so many emotions that ran through both of their bodies and lingered with their connected hands. They had gone out to lunch, one of Felix’s favorites. Then it was off to Changbin’s favorite ice cream shop, and the plan for the rest of the night was to spend some quality time together, listening to records Changbin had brought over on Felix’s old record player. They had agreed to not do anything extravagant, seeing as they had so many more days and anniversaries to do that on.

Finally, even though completely soaked through all of their clothes, they arrived at Felix’s apartment. The younger boy pushed his dark wet hair out of his face and turned the knob, thankful it was unlocked. When they walked in, Jisung and Minho were sitting against one another on the couch, watching a movie. Chris was nowhere to be seen. Jisung looked over at them and smiled, before he laughed loudly at the state of them. 

“Wow, what happened to you two! Didn’t you think to buy an umbrella?” He shoved Minho’s leg and pointed at them, the older boy looking over to his best friend and his best friend's boyfriend. He eyed Felix and Changbin, one eyebrow cocking upward and a small smile making its way onto his face. One that said he was trying to hold back laughing at them the way Jisung was. He didn’t want to laugh, he could see that neither of the boys minded. That Felix was happy to be soaking wet and still holding his boyfriend's hand. So Minho opted to shove Jisung a bit, threatening him with a pillow that he placed on his own lap. 

“You guys should get dry. I’m sure you’ll be more comfortable like that. Happy anniversary.” Minho turned Jisung’s head back toward the movie, the younger boy eyeing Felix still and holding up a finger heart to him to show that he was only joking. 

The pair of them made their way into Felix’s room, shutting the door behind them. Felix slowly began to peel his shirt off of his body, Changbin stopping him for a moment and turning him around to kiss his lips softly. After the brief kiss they both undressed, pulling off each layer of sopping wet stuck to their skin fabric. Once they were in comfortable dry clothes, Changbin brought the clothes into the bathroom, stuffing them into the small washer dryer combo before going back to the bedroom. When he entered, a blue towel was tossed at his face, causing him to laugh, he lowered it and looked at Felix who was staring at him with slightly more dry hair, towel hanging on his head like a hood. 

Changbin walked over to Felix, pulling him forward by the towel and kissing his lips softly again. Whispering soft ‘I love you’s to him before he dried his own hair the best he could. Felix took it upon himself to hang his towel back up, beginning to card through the albums Changbin had brought over. He enjoyed most of the music there, but wasn’t sure what they were going to listen to. 

“Anything in particular you’d like to listen to?” Felix looked back at Changbin who pulled the towel down around his neck before looking at Felix. He looked so good with his slightly damp shaggy hair falling in his face, his lips slightly parted as he was lost in thought. 

“Something slow maybe? Calming? Soft. So we can still hear the rain.” He stood up, hanging his own towel in its usual spot on Felix’s closet door before wrapping his arms around the slender boy's waist, kissing his neck affectionately. Felix smiled, leaning back against Changbin as he continued looking through the copious amount of records now piled all around the record player. He finally settled on Blackbear, opting to put on a more lowfi kind of music for them to listen to. Once he started the music, Changbin released his waist, walking over to the bed and jumping into it, patting the spot next to him. Felix shook his head and walked over, laying on the bed next to Changbin, but instead of on his side like his boyfriend, he laid on his back, listening intently to the rain outside. His eyes wandered to the window near his record player, watching the water roll down on what glass he could see of his window, the blinds blocking the rest. 

Changbin was running his fingers through Felix’s hair, watching his face intently, a soft smile present on his lips as his hand traveled downward. Fingers lingering on the younger boy's jaw, before slowly caressing his neck, then his collarbones, finally moving to his shoulder only to trail down his entire arm until he stopped at his fingers. The older boy laced their fingers, moving closer to Felix. He picked up the boys hand and kissed it, Felix turning to watch the action. Changbin looked lost in thought, the soft smile still on his face, but his eyes looked so far away even though they were so full of emotion. 

“What are you thinking about?” Felix asked, his voice coming out softly, with an airy almost breathy feel to it. 

“You.” 

Felix laughed, “What about me?”

“Mm...well…” Changbin started, playing with Felix’s fingers, watching his own antics instead of looking Felix in the face. “Just how amazing you are, how special you are to me, that’s all.” His eyes met with Felix’s, the younger boy smiling, reaching up to gently cup his face. Felix’s thumb brushed against his cheek, sending warm tingles through Changbins face, he leaned into the loving touch. 

“I love being with you, I can’t imagine not being with you. You make me so happy.” Felix leaned up, gently kissing Changbin’s forehead before laying back, staring into his eyes with a smile on his face. He rolled onto his side and wrapped both of his arms around his boyfriend, much to Changbin’s dismay; he had still wanted to hold Felix’s hand, but hugging him could definitely be better. Felix held onto him softly, rubbing his back as he listened to his heart beat. 

“Honestly Lix…” Changbin paused, his heart swelling in his chest as he looked down at Felix who gazed adorably up at him. He smiled the same genuine, affectionate, cute smile he always did when they were together, one that made Changbin melt. There hadn’t been a moment since he had met Felix that he regretted them in any capacity. Changbin held Felix against him, rubbing his side before continuing, his voice soft and so full of emotion it showed how raw he was being with Felix. “I would spend the rest of my life with you.” 

Felix’s eyes went wide, a light blush making its way across his face as he buried it in Changbin’s chest, holding him tighter. His heart was beating in his chest as he felt his boyfriend play with the chain that was new to his neck, he felt the ring brush against his skin as Changbin toyed with it. This only amplified the emotions running through him, and how deeply he cared for the older boy laying in his bed with him. When he did speak, his voice was soft, gentle, almost meek. He felt happy tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, a smile breaking out onto his face as he buried it deeper into Changbin’s chest, curling into him. 

“Me too.” 

That’s all that needed to be said for the next while. Both boys laying there and gently caressing one another on their arms, sides, and backs. Often cute little kisses would be shared between them, and this would go on until the record finally reached its end. The rain still continues in the background as its own soundtrack to their little moments to the thick atmosphere of love that they were blanketed under, neither of them willing to move even after it had been hours. To say it was an exemplary anniversary would be to discount it, truly. They were in love, and that was enough.


	11. Present: Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris reveals his sexuality to Minho  
> Changbin and Hyunjin have their first sexual experience as boyfriends  
> Felix decides he isn't ready to date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter and the next one are more like summary chapters. They aren't really meant to convey much other than information you'll need for future chapters. Hopefully you enjoy them regardless!  
> Please ignore all grammar and spelling issues and such, I haven't edited these yet, so I'll update them once I have (editing takes me a million years)

Felix felt fingers dig into his ribs, a groan escaping his chapped lips as he rolled away from the pressure. 

“What..” his voice was raspy and harsh from sleeping. The fingers returned, but this time they were gripping him, yanking him closer. He groaned loudly trying to swat them away, but they were strong and held steady slowly sliding him closer until his body was being spooned from behind. Felix sighed, giving up and trying to fall back asleep. Eventually he did, only being woken up by the streak of sunlight coming in through the crack in the blinds. He groaned, loudly at that, displeased by such an awakening. His unhappy eyes fluttered open, watching the particles of dust dance in the stream of sunlight. He sighed, turning his head to look at the source of the light breathing next to him. 

Chris was fast asleep, his lips slightly parted as he breathed. Felix looked at him affectionately. This was becoming a habit, and whether it was good or bad neither of them knew. Most nights they ended up crawling into bed together. Sometimes Felix found himself sliding in next to Chris, and sometimes Chris quietly tried to creep into bed in Felix’s room. They didn’t really talk about it, it wasn’t sexual, there was nothing between them. Felix at least felt like this, it was comfortable with Chris. Comfortable when he would hold him until he fell asleep. Comfortable when they would lay there and laugh until they passed out from being over tired. Comfortable when Felix would fall asleep on the couch and Chris would carry him to his bed. 

The more time they spent together the closer they grew, the more comfortable they both felt. It had been eight months now since Changbin had left. Eight months of trying to find how to stand on his own two feet and come to terms with what his decision had done. Which meant it had officially been almost a year since he had broken up with Changbin. He looked away from Chris, taking a deep breath as he pushed himself up off of his friend's bed. He threw his legs effortlessly over the side of the bed, laughing when Chris grabbed his shirt and grunted. 

“Where are you going…” His voice was husky, he was still half asleep. Felix didn’t answer, only gently prying Chris’s hand off of his shirt as he stood, walking out of the bedroom. Their living room was bathed in sunlight, Minho sitting on the couch with his back to the windows, a cup of coffee in his one hand, a book on his lap. Felix heard the soft humming coming from the kitchen and before he knew it Jisung was rounding the corner, his own coffee in his hand. Felix smiled at them, and it wasn’t sad. His mind already wandering away from Changbin, his mind settling in on what he wanted to bribe Jisung with to convince him to cook; or Minho for that matter. It wasn’t that Felix  _ couldn’t  _ cook, he was actually rather adept at it, he just enjoyed watching them in the kitchen, something about the affection in the air soothed him. 

Before he could even ask, Jisung walked over to him, handing him his coffee, knowing they took it the same. Felix grinned at him, making his way over to their kitchen with Jisung. Felix leaned against the counter sipping the coffee while Jisung combed through the cabinets and fridge, turning to Felix with an expectant gaze. 

“Cook whatever you want, I just want to spend time with you guys today.” He set his cup on the counter, walking over to their coffee maker and grabbing what he would need to make Jisung his own cup. “Thanks for your coffee.” He said, while standing behind Jisung as the boy began to pull out ingredients for eggs and bacon. 

“No problem, you looked like you could use it. It’s pretty early for you to be up.” Jisung turned to smile at Felix, the same soft affectionate and bright smile he always had. Felix was thankful for this, thankful for the soft quiet morning, thankful for the soft sounds and the soft words. Endlessly thankful for the people around him that helped him be able to wake up on this day and feel nothing but a warm happiness buzzing in his chest. 

After breakfast Felix found himself taking a lazy shower. Chris had woken up just before the food was finished off, grabbing some for himself as he plopped down on the couch next to Minho, sighing heavily as he chewed on a piece of bacon, eyes glancing toward the bathroom. Jisung was in the kitchen washing the dishes, much to Minho’s dismay, having told his boyfriend he or Felix would do it. Jisung, however, always got his way. Now, Minho’s eyes were gazing over at Chris who seemed preoccupied. 

“You alright?” Minho questioned, shutting his book and putting it on the table in front of them. Chris shrugged, swallowing the bacon and then sighing. 

“If I tell you…” his voice was low, eyes gazing over toward the kitchen to make sure no one could hear, “you can’t say anything to anyone Min…” Minho nodded at Chris’s words. “I think...I think I might be...I don’t know...bi?” He looked away from Minho, his cheeks and ears tinting red. Minho laughed quietly, causing Chris to shoot him a glare. Why would he  _ laugh  _ at something like that? Chris was trying to be vulnerable, trying to explain that maybe he may have found out he’s attracted to men. That  _ maybe  _ he’s found himself attracted to Minho’s best friend, his roommate, his new best friend. He didn’t know what to do and yet here Minho was,  _ chuckling about it.  _

“Chris” Minho started, trying to shove his laughter away, “I’m bisexual, Felix is gay, Changbin is bisexual, Jisung is gay...I’m not really surprised to be honest.” Chris stared at him, his face twisted in a manner that said everything both of them needed to know. The realization dawned on him and he nodded, leaning back and thoughtfully chewing on his food now. Minho shook his head, grabbing his book and leaning back into the plush couch. “None of us care Chris, I’m happy you’ve figured it out, tell the boys when you’re ready to.” Chris nodded in response, smiling at Minho with his cheeks full of food, feeling relieved at the immediate acceptance and casualness Minho brought to him. He was glad that the reaction was so commonplace, it meant that the rest of them would likely not care as well. Something Chris had somehow been worried about. 

>>>>

Changbin pushed himself up off of his couch, walking to his door and opening it. His smile was soft and cute, he moved out of the way allowing a grinning Hyunjin inside. In his hands he held two bags, one full of drinks and the other full of snacks. The plan had been to just have a relaxing day at Changbin’s condo, not really needing to go out and do much on a lazy saturday. 

“Did you grab what I asked?” Changbin inquired, leaning on the couch as Hyunjin plopped down, opening the bag and handing him the peach drink. 

“Of course I did, how could I forget anything my cute boyfriend asked me for?” Changin chuckled at Hyunjin’s words, enjoying how the younger boy used any opportunity he could to remind him that they were dating now. It had only been a few days, but he felt ready to be in a relationship. This was largely because of who Hyunjin was. He was kind, compassionate, and he foremost was patient. He had taken everything at Changbin’s pace, slow and steady, unbothered by the snail pace that was needed for healing. So here they were, readying to have a lazy day of television and take out, more occupied by one another's company than the need for entertainment or conversation. Changbin leaned forward to peck Hyunjin on the lips before he took his drink, walking around the couch to sit next to him, grinning from ear to ear about getting his drink. 

Eventually they settled in, choosing a movie to watch as the day progressed. Changbin sat happily in between Hyunjin’s legs on the spacious couch. His back pressed firmly against the taller boy's chest. He felt content, he felt safe, and above all he felt understood. Changbin’s arm was resting on Hyunjin’s knee that was bent next to him. He felt fingers drag across his forearm mindlessly, his own body enjoying yet ignoring the pleasant sensations. He enjoyed the tender soft moments of affection, but when those fingers began to toy with the metal bracelet on his wrist, his mind snapped out of the loving haze it was in. His eyes slowly drifted to the silver bracelet on his wrist, watching the long gentle fingers he loved so much, toy with something that linked him directly to the painful past he was trying to overcome. 

“I’ll be right back.” Changbin said with a smile, lifting up Hyunjins hand to kiss it. He didn’t want him thinking anything was wrong. The younger boy just smiled and gave him a quick nod, returning his gaze to whatever movie it was he had chosen to put on. Honestly, Changbin hadn’t even really been invested in the movie, more interested in his mind lingering on the way he felt so comfortable and at home in Hyunjin’s lap. Once he was inside his bathroom he slipped the bracelet off of his wrist. He looked at it sadly, laying it on the counter while he contemplated what to do with it. Finally deciding, he walked into his room placing it in a small black jewelry box that held other similar bracelets. He picked one out, putting it on his wrist and making his way back out to his boyfriend. 

Easily they fell right back into the comfort, despite there being a small sadness painfully sitting in the middle of Changbin’s chest. It wasn’t because he had chosen to take the bracelet off, no, that definitely wasn’t it. It was that when Hyunjin had played with it, for a split second Changbin had thought he was Felix. Had remembered how Felix went from playing with his ring, to playing with his own bracelet that sat on Changbin’s wrist. It was always cute to watch Felix fiddle with it mindlessly as they talked while laying on the couch or in bed. Sometimes when they were holding hands he would use his free hand to play with it, and all of those memories in that split second had come rushing back. Had fooled him into believing the one person he knew he would never stop loving, was right behind him loving him back. 

He felt sad now, because he longed once more for Felix, and it hurt to think that he could even feel that while with Hyunjin. He was so sure though, or at least hoped he was, that these feelings would too pass. That with time they would heal, that as long as he focused on the now, on the present with his boyfriend currently, everything would be fine. It didn’t take long for Hyunjin’s long arms to snake around his torso, for him to lean back into the comforting touch. Hyunjin kissed the side of his head softly, snuggling into the couch, keeping Changbin against him. They both smiled when Changbin leaned back more, his head resting against the taller man's shoulder. It was quiet, both of them focusing solely on the movie playing on the television. 

“I’m happy you know.” Changbin said, honestly feeling that despite the tugging thoughts in the back of his mind. He moved himself to kiss Hyunjin’s neck softly, the taller boy moving away afterward and leaning in to capture his lips. The kiss was soft, loving, with a hint of neediness. Hyunjin moved him to kiss him more fully, deeper, his hands roaming down Changbin’s chest and stomach before going back up. Changbin sighed into Hyunjin’s mouth just as the taller boy was pulling away. He didn’t need to respond verbally, instead he slid his arms around Changbin again, kissing the side of his head as they snuggled more fully on the couch, both of them watching the movie comfortably. It was soft, calm, and warm. All things that made Changbin feel at home for the first time since his heart had been crushed. It was a nice feeling, having someone be so profoundly interested in being with him. 

It didn’t take long for the movie to end. It took a drastically less amount of time for Hyunjin’s lips to find their way to his neck, for the younger man’s hands to travel up and down his body slowly. Changbin relaxed into the ministrations, enjoying each and every place his hands and lips touched his body, his breathing coming out heavier, small groans escaping his lips when Hyunjin would nip at his skin instead of kiss it. 

“Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Hyunjin?” The older boy chuckled, grabbing both of the taller ones wrists as his hands moved toward the hem of Changbins jeans. Hyunjin mused, humming in response as his lips kissed down Changbins neck. 

“Maybe, do you want me to be?” His voice was huskier than usual. Changbin swallowed, they had made out so many times before they had started dating, oftentimes ending in them rutting against one another, but nothing else ever came of it. Now that they were officially dating, there wasn’t really anything holding Changbin back from allowing things to progress more. He swallowed thickly because the answer was yes. He did want Hyunjin to try and get a rise out of him, he wanted Hyunjin to continue, he wanted Hyunjin to press his luck. His answer wasn’t verbal, because it had been  _ so long _ , and Changbin felt less than sure of himself. Instead he just released Hyunjins wrists, resting both of his own hands onto the taller man's thighs, massaging them. 

Hyunjin smirked against Changbin’s neck, sliding one hand up under his shirt while the other rubbed his hip, ever so close to the spot they both wanted him to touch. A groan slipped from his lips as Hyunjin moved his lips up to kiss right behind Changbin’s ear, his hand slipping over the growing erection in his boyfriends pants. 

“Is this okay?” Hyunjin asked, nipping at the skin of the older man’s ear. Changbin could only nod, looking down at what was happening. He wanted desperately for this to go well, for this to help the tightness in his chest that refused to go away easily. Intimacy was always healing, so he hoped this type of intimacy would solve the problem. His head leaned back, a groan escaping his throat as Hyunjin squeezed his hardening cock. “Fuck...you’re so big…” Hyunjin nearly moaned as he rubbed his palm down Changbin’s length. It wasn’t that Hyunjin himself wasn’t blessed with a nice sized cock, it was just that Changbin was larger. Not many people expected this of him and Hyunjin had admitted early on to this as well. Before Hyunjin could continue Changbin leaned forward, pushing himself off of the couch and grabbing his boyfriends wrist, dragging him to the bedroom. Hyunjin wore a smirk the entire time, surprised when Changbin tossed his shirt and jeans onto the floor readily. When he was done he turned and looked at Hyunjin who shrugged and did the same, discarding his shirt, pants, and socks quickly, climbing onto the bed after Changbin. 

The older boy tossed Hyunjin onto his back, sliding in between his legs. He leaned forward pressing their lips together, and grinding his hips down into Hyunjins. Both of them groaned, there was electricity running through their veins, both of them ready for what was to come. Before Hyunjin could even comprehend what was happening Changbin was yanking his boxers off of his hips, tossing them onto the floor. The shorter boy looked down at him, gazing over his body while breathing heavily. 

“God damn Hyunjin, you’re breathtaking…” Changbin eventually met his boyfriend's gaze, seeing a pleased look on his face, one that was almost smug. They had talked about it a few times before, how Changbin greatly preferred to top, but something inside of him was slipping. Something was urging him to let Hyunjin dominate him. Maybe he thought part of it was that the dynamic had changed because it was a new relationship. Maybe he knew, though, that it was because he couldn’t bring his thoughts into the clear. He couldn’t keep his mind from wandering and comparing Hyunjin and Felix. He couldn’t remove the images of each intimate moment with Felix from replaying in his head. So the dominant top part of him slipped away, willing him to try  _ anything  _ to make this good for both of them. Before he knew what he was doing his hands and mouth were on Hyunjin’s aching cock. The taller man moaned loudly, roughly gripping Changbin’s hair as the shorter boy began to bob up and down on his cock. 

“Fuck you suck me so good.” Hyunjin’s voice was soft and complimentary, he wanted Changbin to know how good he was at what he was doing, something that the older boy was used to doing. Changbin made sure to use his hand and mouth in tandem, sucking when he should, rolling his tongue along Hyunjin’s slit, and hollowing his cheeks when he was pulling away. He had Hyunjin shaking, his legs twitching and breath coming out in ragged moans and gasps. The taller boy's slender fingers gripped his hair roughly, shoving him down to choke on the cock in his mouth. This action, despite what Changbin would have thought, made his own cock twitch in his boxers, aching for attention. Suddenly his mouth was pulled away from Hyunjin’s cock, spit connecting him to the twitching red member. “What do you want to happen?” Hyunjin eyed Changbin after asking, watching his boyfriend's eyes glaze over. 

“I want you to fuck me.” The words sounded foreign, but they felt more foreign falling from his own lips. His own voice sounded distant, like it wasn’t his own. He watched Hyunjin smirk and lean forward to kiss him roughly, sitting up to pull Changbin closer to him. 

“Prep yourself for me, I want to watch.” His voice was just above a whisper as he slid the skin tight boxers down off of Changbin, his heavy cock springing free and hanging between his legs, begging to be touched. A whimper left the shorter boy’s mouth as he went and retrieved the lube in his dresser, quickly returning to the bed and coating his fingers with it. He positioned himself on his back the best he could, maneuvering so he could circle his own entrance before pushing one finger inside. He knew he shouldn’t rush, but he just wanted to feel the pressure of Hyunjin on top of him, fucking into his body. Usually he took his time with the foreplay, took his time working his partner up until he fucked them to completion. Instead he was whining while he plunged another of his own fingers into his body, spreading them to stretch himself the best he could before inserting a third. The slight burn felt good, kept him grounded and focused on trying to be present in the moment. After five minutes of fingering himself he finally let out a low shaky breath, pulling his fingers out. 

Hyunjin watched from the end of the bed, stroking himself as he had been the whole time he watched Changbin finger himself. His pupils were blown, eyes glossy and focused on the fluttering hole that was begging to be filled. He slid forward, pulling Changbin by his legs to have him closer. He quickly lubed himself up, pumping his cock as he pushed Changbin’s legs back, his knees almost touching his chest. His lubed hand helped guide the tip of his cock to Changbin’s entrance. He looked up to see Changbin nodding quickly, not needing any further encouragement Hyunjin pushed forward. He moaned loudly at how tight Changbin was, the older boy beneath him wincing a bit, and reaching for his own cock. He pumped himself steadily trying to focus on the pleasure instead of the slight burn of being stretched wider than his fingers. After a minute Hyunjin was more than halfway in. 

“Just...start moving…” Changbin panted, he felt ready, felt like he wanted to feel the way Hyunjin was going to fuck him. When his boyfriend did begin to move, he realized maybe he wasn’t that ready. It wasn’t that it hurt him, it was that it was intense. Hyunjin began slow but rough, and then when his cock was easily slipping in and out of Changbin, he began to fuck rough and fast. Changbin had never heard himself choke out moans the way he was, and honestly the way Hyunjin leaned down to kiss him and tell him how good he was taking his cock was nearly sending him over the edge. Not to mention the head of Hyunjin’s cock grazing his prostate every time he would roughly thrust back into his body. Needless to say the act was over faster than either of them had imagined it would be. After five solid minutes of Hyunjin pounding into him relentlessly, Changbin came, shaking as his cum shot out of his cock and onto his stomach and chest. A few more deep thrusts and Hyunjin was spilling inside of him, panting and sweating on top of him. The taller man slowly withdrew himself from Changbin, going to get a damp warm washcloth to clean them both up. 

When the deed was done, Hyunjin plopped down onto the bed next to Changbin, both of them still catching their breath as the taller man laid his head on Changbin’s chest. They laid there like that, in silence soaking in everything that happened. While Changbin’s body was satisfied, his mind was not. 

“That was so nice.” Hyunjin said, his voice soft again, and full of the affection Changbin had grown so,  _ so,  _ fond of. He looked at Hyunjin, smiling. He leaned in to kiss him softly. 

“I enjoyed it too.” Changbin said. Said being the operative word. He said it, he didn’t believe it. He did enjoy it, but not in the same way. His body enjoyed it, but his eyes trailed back to the ceiling and his mind wandered right to where he didn’t want it to be. He thought about Felix, thought about all the times he should have been more gentle in bed, should have shown him more affection instead of immersing him in so many scenes and rough sex. He should have let Felix fuck him, he should have been more vulnerable. So while his heart had been the one shattered, maybe he deserved it. Even if he did deserve it, or at least think he did, it didn’t stop him from wishing so deeply that he hadn’t left. In that moment he had to will himself not to cry, not to allow these negative emotions wash over him. Thankfully, much like he always did, Hyunjin somehow sensed the change in Changbin. 

The younger boy wrapped his arms firmly around him, kissed his chest and then leaned up to nuzzle his neck. He rubbed soothing circles into his skin, and whispered encouraging words into his neck. It brought Changbin back to reality. Brought him back to how comforting it was to be with Hyunjin, how much he loved the boy's laugh, his smile, even loved when he was being over dramatic. It was a beautiful thing, the way Hyunjin cared about him too, and in that moment the thoughts of Felix were once again washed away. Washed away by Hyunjin, who was always so present, always so patient, always so loving. 

“Thank you.” Changbin whispered as Hyunjin smiled into his neck, kissing the skin gently before continuing to lazily rub circles into his skin and reassure him about everything. It was good, and it was going to be okay, even if right now it didn’t feel one hundred percent right, it would get better. It had to get better. 

>>>>

Minho walks silently into the apartment, slipping off his shoes before lifting his gaze. His eyes drag over the image before him. Felix’s head is resting on the arm of the couch closest to the kitchen, his body lying down. His legs are draped casually over Chris’s lap, the older boy’s hand placed just above the younger ones knee. Minho blinks a few times before the realization dawns on him. Just a few days ago Chris had expressed to him that he may have figured out he was bisexual, not something uncommon for people to experience, but now everything was lit in a different light. It may have just been that it was odd seeing Felix so close with someone other than himself, but it was possible Chris had found this awakening through developing something other than friendship for Felix. Minho opted not to dwell on it, knowing it was none of his business. 

“You two look cozy.” He said to them as he placed his bag down near his shoes. There was a bit of humor in his voice, a chuckle slipping past his lips when Chris quickly retracted his hand and placed it on Felix’s ankle. The younger blonde just laughed and opened his arms, making grabby hands in Minho’s direction. 

“I’d be more comfortable with my best friend crushing me.” Felix grinned widely, his sharp teeth peeking out past his lips as he opened his arms wider. Minho couldn’t help but smile, walking over and laying down on top of Felix, his own legs now somewhat on Chris’s lap. Chris just laughed, moving his hand to smack the back of Minho’s thigh lightly. Felix chuckled at that, squeezing Minho tighter than before. “Were you with Jisung?” Felix questioned, snuggling into Minho. The older boy hummed happily in response, telling Felix he was indeed with the boy they all felt such affection for. 

“You know Lix, me and Jisung were talking and...do you think you’re going to try and get back out there to date? It’s been a year, and you’ve been doing so well lately…” Minho pulled back, sliding off of Felix to sit on the floor, his back resting uncomfortably against the coffee table. Felix just looked at him, one arm resting above his head, the other draping down, his fingers toying with the carpet beneath the couch. He mulled it over in his head for a few moments. While he did so, Minho watched Chris fidget out of the corner of his eye, knowing Chris also wanted to hear the answer Felix was going to give. Minho may not have been willing to invade Chris’s privacy and outright ask if he had feelings for Felix, but he was going to get the answer this way and keep that information to himself. 

“No, I think right now I...I just want to work on me. I’ve been happier lately, more able to focus on everything else, it’s been easier to not think about him and everything that happened. Yet...I don’t feel ready. I feel like I need to figure me out, figure out what I want in life. Keep healing, then maybe I’ll really be ready…” A small soft smile broke out onto Felix’s face as he turned to look at Minho who stared back at him with all the affection in the world. It wasn’t that Felix didn’t want to date, he did. He wanted the safety of a relationship, the companionship, the affection, the love, and of course the sexy, but he knew that first he needed to figure himself out. He needed to repair what he had broken in himself, or allowed to continue to be broken for so long. Before Minho could reply Chris did it for him, a slight hint of sadness in his affectionate stare that only Minho caught. 

“I’m proud of you Lix. You’ve really grown up this past year, and come so far.” He patted the boy's leg and then looked away to his own lap, nodding to himself. Felix smiled at him and then turned back to Minho. What else was there to say? Of course Felix wanted more time, and of course Chris was obviously smitten with Felix. Nothing was going to change though, because Chris respected Felix, and Felix needed time. Minho knew this, he knew both of them far too well, so he didn’t dwell on it. Instead he stood up, offering to make dinner or buy dinner for them all. Wanting nothing more than to spend time with the two other guys in his life that he loved. Chris beamed at this information, since Minho never willingly admitted he loved anyone other than Jisung and Felix. 

None of the boys sitting in the living room that night eating Minho’s home cooked meal would imagine that their entire dynamic would change. They didn’t think about how different the future was going to be for all of them. This wasn’t in their nature, they were all living in the moment, enjoying the food, the laughter, and the companionship they had with one another. Felix was healing, Minho was learning, and Chris was evolving. 


	12. Past: SIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix breaks up with Changbin  
> Felix invites Changbin over for sex  
> Changbin decides to move on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the past where it meets the very first present chapter  
> I haven't edited this chapter either (wanted to just get them out) so I'll update it at a later time!  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well :)  
> Look forward to the next one! I promise the story gets more interesting >:3

No one prepares anyone for pain. No one prepares anyone else for something hitting you without touching you. No one prepares anyone for the way it can feel like you are drowning while you can still very obviously breathe. No one prepared Changbin for these things. 

He so desperately wished he could say it wasn’t out of the blue. He wished even more desperately that it was all a horrible dream, or a bad joke because Felix was trying out some new type of reality tv style prank. It wasn’t though. No, it was all far too real, far too painful, and far too late. He sat there bewildered as Felix paced back and forth, trying to explain without using too many words  _ why  _ he was leaving Changbin. They had argued about it, they were sure that Minho, Chris, and Jisung could hear. Changbin was sure this embarrassment wasn’t going to kill him, but the weight on his chest of losing Felix just may. 

“Why can’t we compromise?” He said this for the tenth time, not sure why it hadn’t worked the last nine. 

“What kind of compromise do you want from me Bin?” Felix asked, a pained look on his face. 

“I don’t know, you said you wanted to see other people, why can’t we see other people while still together? Or...or I don’t know...we can invite people into the bedroom? I don’t care about any of that, I just want to be with you...” Changbin could finally feel the tears of desperation welling up at the corners of his eyes. He was sure his eyes looked glossy, sure he looked on the brink of losing it all. 

“I just...I want to be with other people. We’re so young...I’m so young. I want to experience other people Bin. I just want to explore life, figure out what I want. Figure myself out…” Felix trailed off, he couldn’t even look at Changbin anymore, the pain evident in the older boy's eyes hitting him hard. 

He hadn’t intended it to go like this, he really hadn’t. It had been just a month over their two year anniversary, but when everything weighed on him, he knew it had to end. He knew he was blindsiding Changbin, he knew that the older boy was going to take it poorly, but he didn’t know what else to do. At first Changbin had laughed, he thought it was a joke, but when he realized it wasn’t, everything took a turn for the worse. He continued to ask about compromise, continued to look wounded, continued to look on the brink of sobbing. Felix didn’t know how much more he could handle. 

“Look…” Felix started again, “I’m not going to compromise okay? I’m sorry I just...I need to not be with you…” The words fell onto Changbin like a bomb. His sadness quickly turned into anger, fueling him into saying things he would likely regret. 

“If you end what we have, that’s it. Soulmates don’t have to be together Felix.” He steeled himself, staring at Felix who for the first time since he had mentioned ending the relationship, actually looked wounded too. It was obvious that he was thinking, staring at Changbin until it was all too much, until the weight Felix felt was so heavy he was sure he would literally be crushed. His words came out low, almost soft and apologetic. They sounded, at least to Changbin, like he didn’t mean them; at least not completely. 

“Then I guess that’s it…” He looked away, backing up and walking to his door. He placed a shaky hand on the doorknob, waiting for Changbin to beg him not to do it like he had before. To try and bargain with him, to try and get him to change his mind, but he didn’t. He didn’t, and somehow that hurt more than anything else that had happened. Instead Changbin stood up silently, walking past Felix after he opened the door. There were no words exchanged between Changbin and the three boys trying to act as if they were minding their own business in the living room. He slipped on his shoes, and promptly exited the apartment. 

Felix swallowed, shutting his bedroom door before collapsing onto the floor. His knees ached a bit, even though the floor was carpeted. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Changbin, he didn’t want to see the pain in his eyes, he just knew he needed to break up with him. Knew he needed to figure himself and his life out, and being with Changbin wasn’t part of that equation. That was the first time Felix shed a few tears over the boy he so desperately loved. 

>>>>

Things are never easy it seems. Most things end up complicated and messy. This was exactly that, only if you asked Changbin he would depict with colorful words how much more than messy it was. It was the forth time his phone rang on a weekend night with Felix’s showing on his screen. It was the forth time he found himself in Felix’s apartment alone with the boy, in his bed, once again having sex with him. He had told himself he could resist, that he didn’t need to be intimate with Felix, that he was doing fine and he would get over the break up. Yet here he was for the  _ fourth  _ time laying there next to Felix while the boy tried to catch his breath. Changbin looked over at him, looked carefully at the euphoric look on Felix’s face, looked at the smile the younger boy flashed at him when he sat up. 

“Do you want to get back together?” Changbin found himself asking, not intending on doing so until it was already over. Felix paused and then stood up, pulling on his boxers before turning to look at Changbin. 

“No...I’m sorry if I gave you that impression I just...sex is just better with you.” Felix exited the room, heading to the bathroom to clean himself up. Usually Changbin stayed, usually he was still laying in the bed, ready to wrap his arms around Felix upon his return, but tonight wasn’t going to be a night like that. The raven haired boy pushed himself up once he heard the shower turn on and rubbed his face. Tears were already falling. He had been so sure Felix was falling in love with him again. The cute texts, the overly intimate sex, but that’s all it was. Sex. 

_ “I can’t keep this up...I...this is over…”  _ Changbin thought to himself as he gathered his things. He pulled what clothes he had left in the drawers out and stuffed them into the back pack he had brought along with him. He stared at the records in Felix’s room, along with the other things he hadn’t initially minded leaving. He had some hope, it had seemed, that they would end up together again. That hope, along with his heart, was now sunk. Felix had broken him down, shattered his heart, and then used him for sex because it was  _ better  _ than with other people. That was the thing though, wasn’t it?

Everything was better when they were together. Changbin could feel it, and he knew Felix could too. Yet when he slipped out of the apartment before Felix could finish showering, Changbin knew that was it for him. He wasn’t going to speak to Felix anymore. It had been nearly a month and a half after they split, and it was time to move on. He managed to ignore the texts and phone calls. He had managed to ignore the questions about Felix from their mutual friends. In fact people figured he was over it by the way he barely even reacted when the boy was brought up. None of it was easy, but Changbin knew he needed to move on. His heart couldn’t take anymore of this, he loved Felix so much it hurt. Loved him enough that he would go back for that fifth time if Felix found himself calling on one of Changbin’s weak days. 

>>>>

Felix sat quietly in the living room, Minho leaning against him in a soft attempt to console him. It wasn’t working. It had been a month since he had seen Changbin. He had tried to reach out, but the older boy refused to answer. In that month Felix had managed to realize the gravity of his choice. He came to realize that he wanted nothing more than to be with Changbin. He had expressed to Minho how desperately it hurt when he would wake up and search for Changbin only to find his bed empty, or worse on some nights; he would find someone he hooked up with. A stranger he didn’t want to be so close to after waking up from a dream that was either sad, or overly full of love. His mind circled around Changbin, begged him to find the boy and confess how stupid he was, but he had made his decision. Changbin had told him that if they ended, that was it. He wasn’t positive Changbin had been serious before, but it felt like he was now. 

Christmas had been especially hard. He had wanted nothing more than to wake up in the morning and see Changbin sitting in his living room like he had both years before. That didn’t happen though, and now it was new years. It was new years and it was cold; just like how he felt. Minho had mentioned a party, one that Felix begged to know if Changbin was going to. Minho, not wanting to cause trouble between them reluctantly told Felix he would be, but to leave him alone. Felix had said he only wanted to speak to him, to apologize, to express his sadness over his own stuipd decision. Minho had sighed numerous times, explaining that it likely wouldn’t go well. Explaining that he should give Changbin more time, give him space and wait to see if they could work something out later. Felix never was good at listening it seemed. 

He walked into the party next to Minho, almost wanting to hold his older friends hand for comfort, but thought better of it. He didn’t want to give anyone there the wrong impression. They put their coats near the door with the mass of other coats hanging on old looking coat racks. Felix gravitated toward Minho, following him around and greeting some people that they knew, and speaking with others that they didn’t. His dark eyes scanned the room looking for Changbin constantly, looking for the boy he just wanted to apologize to. Who he needed to let know that he missed him every single day, and his decision to end their relationship was one made in haste and under stress. 

It was over an hour before Changbin had arrived, he happily greeted people he knew as Felix watched him. He quickly grabbed himself a drink and began to socialize, and Felix couldn’t manage to make his way over to him. It was like his feet were cemented into the ground. Minho had left him some time ago, socializing with others at the party. Eventually, when Felix watched Changbin walk toward the balcony of whoevers apartment this was, he made his move. He slowly made his way over, resting his hand on the slightly shorter man's shoulder. 

“Changbin?” His voice had to be loud, but it was soft, weak almost, when it came out. Changbin turned slowly, raising his eyebrows at Felix before his lips turned downward slightly at the corners. 

“Felix.” He went to turn back around but Felix let his hand slide down to Changbin’s wrist, both of them looking at the hold there. When their eyes met, Changbin could feel himself cave slightly. It hadn’t been easy for him, staying away like he did. “Did you need something?” This time his voice was softer, less annoyed. He didn’t want to stand there and look at Felix, he didn’t want to feel his heart beating faster in his chest, he didn’t want to feel weak around the younger boy, but he was. 

“Can I just...talk to you a minute?” Felix looked at the balcony and let go of Changbin’s wrist, slowly walking outside in just his sweater. It took Changbin a few minutes to exit onto the balcony, his expression grim when he did. He had thought beforehand to grab his coat, while Felix stood shivering slightly from the cold. 

“Talk.” 

Felix stared at Changbin for a moment, unsure of why his tone seemed colder than the wind blowing against him. Before he could speak, Changbin leaned against the wall, a sigh escaping his lips. He could barely look at Felix, his body language said that he didn’t want to be there. 

“I’m sorry about...everything I didn’t realize that I wanted you so bad...” Felix felt his eyes beginning to water with tears he promised himself he wouldn’t spill. He swallowed, trying to form more words, trying to get across what he needed to say, but Changbin stopped him. 

“I’m sorry Felix, I am, but...this could have all been different, you know? I wasn’t fully serious the first night...saying it would be totally over but…” He took a breath, continuing to look away out into the night, snowflakes beginning to gently fall around them. “You used me and...that was the breaking point. We...we aren’t going to fix this. I just want to move on.” 

Time stood still for Felix. It felt like the weight of the world had suddenly begun to crush him. It felt like his eyes were on fire, like his skin was going to burst into flames as well. It felt like his lungs were being torn from his chest while his heart was being crushed inside of it. He felt his hands begin to shake, he reached out for Changbin but dropped his hand down quickly. He was reeling, not knowing what to do, what to say. So he said the only thing that came to mind. He told the truth. 

“I’m sorry…” he said softly, his deep voice making it almost impossible to make the words out. “I just...I just miss you so much…”


	13. Present: SEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been seven long years from the day that Changbin left.   
> So much has changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where the time skip occurs - hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well!  
> Sorry I haven't updated as frequently, I've been back to work so my time for writing is rather limited now, I'm trying to finish the next chapter this up and coming weekend to make up for it~   
> As always thank you for reading x)
> 
> (didn't edit this one either so, any mistakes will be fixed in the future when I have time to go back and re-read/edit the chapters)

Changbin walked into the spacious entrance of his parents home, taking his shoes off and setting them in their rightful place. He took a deep breath, standing up fully to look at himself in the mirror placed so close to the front door. His eyes held dark circles under them, his face thin, body thinner. He grunted before walking away, carrying the few things his mother had asked him to fetch from the store. When he entered the kitchen he spotted his nephew sitting at the counter, eating cereal and watching a show on his phone. He ruffled the boys hair before putting the few things away, keeping the medication on the counter. 

“Where’s your mother?” Changbin questioned his nephew, turning to look at the boy that stared up at him. 

“With grandpa, grandma said he isn’t feeling well today.” The boy quickly went back to eating his cereal, ignoring Changbin’s existence for the children's show on his phone. The raven haired man just nodded, making his way to the newly renovated master bedroom on the first floor of his parents home. He held the medication in his hand, a bottle of water in the other. He knocked lighty, hearing his mother's voice beckon him inside. He entered, smiling at his family. His mother was sitting next to the bed in her designated chair, his sister sitting on the bed with their father who just looked  _ so  _ tired. 

“Hey dad.” Changbin set the medication and water down on his nightstand before leaning in to kiss his father's head. He had been home for all of two months, but it hadn’t been a pleasant two months. His mother had called and spoken to him about moving back in to help with his father who had been diagnosed with ALS, and had become worse rapidly over the last five months. Finally it was too much for her, and that’s how he ended up quitting his job, and moving back into their home to help. Thankfully his sister lived nearby and was a nurse, so she often stopped in to help as well. It wasn’t that they didn’t have care-takers that could help, it was that on certain days his father would reject them, annoyed they were letting someone take care of him like he was an invilid. In recent days he didn’t fight so much, seeing the toll it was taking on his family, and realizing he needed to rely on others now. 

Before Changbin could get far away from their room, his mother approached him. She put her hand on his shoulder and motioned for him to enter the living room with her. They sat down, and Changbin could tell something was wrong. He immediately began to panic, and she saw it in his thin face. He had become so raw, become so obvious and different in the last seven years than he had been when he left home. 

“It’s not about your father.” She watched him breathe. “Do you remember the Kims?” Changbin nodded. 

“Yeah of course I do, what about them?” He gave pause, swallowing as his fingers toyed with his jeans. 

“Their son died last night.” 

“Seungmin!?” Changbin nearly fell off of the couch, his heart suddenly drumming loudly and painfully in his chest. He felt every ounce of regret for leaving once again. For cutting Seungmin out of his life even though they had known one another for ages. He should have gotten back in contact with him. Shouldn’t have stayed away for seven years. Shouldn’t have cut everyone out of his life-

“No honey, calm down please. His older brother, Woojin passed away.” Changbin still felt sick, Seungmin loved his brother. He may not have known Woojin well, but he had been to Seungmin’s house enough as a teen to know that their family would deeply feel this loss. 

“When is the funeral...do you know?” He looked at his mother, holding back any emotions that threatened to spill out now, he hated how weak he had seemingly become. How tired he was of everything these days. 

“In two days sweetie, they invited all of us, I told them about your father. I said you’d likely be the only one to go. Is that alright?” She grabbed her son's hand, holding it tightly until he stood up to excuse himself. 

“Yeah that’s fine…” Changbin smiled a pathetic excuse for a smile before walking up the stairs to the room he was staying in. As soon as she shut the door his phone was in his hand. He didn’t even think before dialing the number and holding the phone to his ear as he paced back and forth, his hands shaking, face heating up. 

_ “Hello?”  _

“Hyunjin…” Changbin’s voice shook as he spoke, alerting the man on the other side of the line. 

_ “You okay Bin?”  _

“Not really, no...my friend’s brother died and I don’t know why but I’m freaking out. I...I barely knew him...I haven’t spoken to either of them since before I left...I…” Tears began to stream down his face as panic filled his brain, he couldn’t think straight, everything just seemed so hard to deal with. When his breathing began to pick up Hyunjin quickly took action. 

_ “I think you’re having a panic attack Bin, I need you to breathe, everything is going to be okay. Do you want me to come down and go with you? You know I’m always there for you…”  _ Hyunjin pressed the phone harder to his face, hoping that Changbin would accept. He didn’t care if they had broken up eight months ago, he didn’t care because it was mutual. He still cared deeply for Changbin, and he always would. 

“Please…” was all Changbin could get out before he broke down, quietly crying into his sleeve while Hyunjin kept talking to him on the other end of the line. 

>>>>

Hyunjin stood next to Changbin rubbing his back as the boy tried to get his suit to somehow fit him better. He had gone and bought one instead of having one fitted, not intending to spend a ton of money on a suit, but still somehow spending close to five hundred dollars. He still felt like he was swimming in the material. He had lost all of his weight, being nothing more than a whisper of his former self. He looked sick, that’s what he heard most often. He wasn’t sick though, he was just tired. He had worked himself so hard he forgot to eat. He had grown to hate his job, so he stopped going to the gym. He had worried endlessly about his relationship with Hyunjin until they mutually ended it. He worried about what people would think, worried about what he thought about himself. He worried most about seeing people he hadn’t seen in over seven years. People who he had cut from his life and left behind like they meant nothing to him. 

“It’s going to be fine.” Hyunjins voice cut through his thoughts once more, bringing him back down and grounding him. 

“Thanks…” Changbin mumbled. Hyunjin knew he was still the grounding force in Changbin’s life. Knew he could still help him even though they were just friends. He didn’t mind, they helped one another regardless. “I guess we should go…” He stopped messing with his tie, leaving his room and getting his keys before exiting his parents house. 

The drive there was near silent, Hyunjin just looking out the window while Changbin drove them to the cemetery. His stomach churned, he hated funerals. He hated more that he would have to look Seungmin in the eyes and express his sorrow for him and his family after  _ so long _ of not even speaking to him. They had practically grown up together despite the year age gap. Changbin took a breath as he pulled into the parking lot of the cemetery. They had decided to hold the wake outdoors, and then do the procession after. When they exited the car Hyunjin adjusted his jacket, taking in the slight warmth in the air. It was spring, and he enjoyed it. When he looked over at Changbin, who just looked out at the crowd of people already gathering where the casket would inevitably be lowered into the ground, he saw the worry and unhappiness in his expression. 

He didn’t have to say anything to Changbin, he knew it wasn’t going to help, so instead he put his hand on his shoulder and walked next to him toward the people. Some greeted him immediately, bowing and exchanging pleasantries, noting each time how long it had been. Hyunjin watched each time how he would tense up when someone mentioned the amount of time he had been gone. A few people expressed worry for him, having just disappeared, but didn’t seem too bothered by it. Changbin himself was more bothered that he had even left, it seemed. This went on for quite some time, talking to people, Hyunjin making small talk about how he was Changbin’s friend and was here for him as well as the family experiencing the loss. 

Then the moment Changbin had been dreading approached. Seungmin caught sight of him, his eyes growing wide as he walked over in an almost apprehensive way. As if Changbin could be fake, or maybe like he was some kind of deranged wild animal. Hyunjin watched as Changbin stiffened, his nervous habits coming out in him fiddling with his tie, or pulling his jacket sleeves down like they weren’t at their maximum reach. Finally, Seungmin was standing in front of him, staring at the slightly shorter boy. Hyunjin noted that Seungmin and himself were nearly the same height. Before Changbin could say or do anything, the fluffy blonde haired boy wrapped him in a tight hug, crushing their thin bodies together. Hyunjin watched as Changbin took a few moments before he registered what was happening, and hugged the boy back as tightly as he could. After a few long minutes of the tight embrace, the long time friends separated. Hyunjin introduced himself, knowing that Changbin was still catching up with his emotions. 

“I’m Hyunjin,” he said firstly, reaching out to shake Seungmin’s hand, “I just want to express my condolences for you and your family. I may not know you, or have known your brother, but Changbin often spoke of the two of you. Loss is never easy, and I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, you can ask Bin for my number. I don’t mind lending a listening ear.” Seungmin stared at Hyunjin in disbelief. The man barely knew him and was willing to be so helpful and compassionate. Not that it should have surprised him, at least not really, since Changbin himself was often like that. He was always willing to be supportive and truly listen to whatever was bothering someone so he could help to the best of his abilities. 

They all stood there, chatting for a few minutes together until Seungmin made his exit, mentioning that he needed to go and speak to other people as well. Hyunjin rubbed Changbin’s back, the man walking to the back of the row of seats, and standing there taking everything in. It wasn’t a stereotypical funeral. Woojin had passed away at a time when all of the cherry blossom trees were in full bloom. The cemetery littered with them. It wasn’t a normal funeral, it didn’t look overly sad. In fact the weather was pleasant, there was almost a peaceful lul in the air from the blooming trees and the obvious encroachment of spring. It was wrong, all of it. Then again, everything often felt wrong to Changbin lately, or more likely the past few years. He closed his eyes and felt Hyunjin’s hand squeeze his shoulder before taking a seat in front of him in the back row of seats. 

>>

Minho rubbed slow circles in Felix’s back as they all walked toward the cemetery. Seungmin had come into their lives a little over a year after Changbin had left. He had reached out to Chris who he had known by proxy but found out no one was on speaking terms with the raven haired man at that time. They had all hit it off, however, and now they were unfortunately arriving at his older brother's funeral. None of them had words for their sorrow and grief, most of all Chris who had formed a strong bond with Seungmin over the last few years. Felix smiled at Minho, his eyes thankful as they approached Chris who was already standing near the seating arrangement, staring forward at the empty grave. Felix reached out to grab Chris’s hand, the older man looking into his eyes and smiling at him. He leaned over, placing a small kiss on the blonde’s lips. Felix blushed lightly, like he always did at public displays of affection from Chris, and then looked over to Minho and Jisung who were standing side by side in matching suits. 

Felix pulled at his white button down, the top three buttons undone. He hadn’t found it necessary to wear a tie, knowing he looked dressed up enough to forgo wearing one regardless. Chris rubbed his back for a moment, trying to ease some of the anxiety and sadness that sat heavy in the younger ones chest. Minho was doing a similar action to Jisung, but Jisung was much stronger than people from the outside would know. In fact Minho rubbing Jisung’s back was a way that Minho soothed himself, touching the man he loved grounded him in a way, something Felix had grown to notice over the last six years. When more people began to crowd around the seating area and talk, Felix felt tears prick his eyes. He quickly reached into his shirt pulling out a thin chain that held a ring on it, rubbing the ring reflexively. He hadn’t even known why he had started wearing it again, but it had been a year now with him wearing it regularly. 

He figured it wasn’t anything to actively think about, and it gave him some amount of comfort when things became a little too much. The four of them stood there talking for a while, Seungmin making his way over with his parents to hug all of them and listen to the many apologies and condolences that fell from all of their fumbling lips. Felix had shed a few tears, Chris had held Seungmin in a bone crushing hug, while Minho and Jisung spoke softly to his parents. They all seemed to be taking it as well as one could imagine, Seungmin sometimes looking like he was going to break down, but reeling himself in just enough to show his sadness, but not break down in front of everyone. Felix had hugged him more softly, the two boys holding one another for a few minutes before the trio departed to talk to other people. In fact nothing had been registering for Felix until Minho smacked his arm once, lightly, then a second time harder to gain his attention. 

“Shit, what?” Felix snapped a bit, rubbing his arm as he glared at Minho who was staring at the seats on the other side of the area. Felix squinted, the sunlight that was beating down on them pleasantly still somehow blinding him when he needed to look at whatever it was Minho thought  _ his attention was necessary for.  _

“Is that….Changbin?” Minho’s voice almost seemed hoarse as he gestured lightly to the man standing a hundred feet from them, talking to a taller man that was sitting in front of him, his body turned in his chair so they could speak. Jisung had been staring too, not saying anything as he took in the man across from them. Upon hearing his old best friend's name Chris turned as well, staring at the thin figure. “It looks like him...but...only kind of…” Minho frowned a bit, puzzled. He was likely going to go say hello, if it was him the worst that could happen would be the man refusing to speak to him. If it wasn’t him, it would just be a friendly conversation. 

“If it is him...he looks so thin…” Felix heard himself saying as he rubbed the ring on his necklace a bit more. As he did this the figure in question turned to stare at him. When their eyes locked there was no longer a question of if it was Changbin, because he knew it was. He would know him anywhere, at any age. It had been so long since he had seen the raven haired man that he felt weak. 

“Who cares if it is him, it’s not like we’re going to go over there and be buddy buddy with him.” Chris interjected as he reached for Felix and pulled him against him, kissing his head for good measure. He wasn’t about to let his boyfriend go over to their ex-friend that hurt them both so deeply after so many years of non-contact. Minho rolled his eyes at Chris, staring at the slightly older man in disbelief. After six years Minho found it hard to believe that Changbin was still a sore subject for Chris, but then again he wasn’t often brought up. Shaking his head the brunette placed his hand on Jisung’s lower back and nodded toward where Changbin was standing, still staring intently at Felix even after the younger boy had looked away. 

“Let’s go say hi.” Minho said to Jisung who smiled brightly at him, nodding and leading the way over while Minho looked back at Felix and Chris who were speaking in hushed tones, but their body language said they might be having a minor disagreement.

>>

Changbin had been speaking to Hyunjin about Seungmin, the taller man seeming rather interested in his old friend. It was a casual lazy conversation to keep Changbin’s mind off of everything that was going through it. He had apologized a few times, admittedly, for asking Hyunjin to even come all the way down and then to a funeral no less. The taller man didn’t mind though, he would have driven through the night for Changbin had the man asked. They were still friends, and their bond was untouchable. They had been together for so long that it just seemed  _ wrong  _ to imagine life without one another. It was after Hyunjin had asked why Changbin had stopped speaking to Seungmin in particular - for which he had no real answer - he felt as if someone was looking at him. He blinked a few times, his eyes glazing over before he turned his head to the right. His eyes landed right on Felix. He would have known him anywhere, he hadn’t really changed that much. His face was thinner, his shoulders a bit more broad, he looked healthy. He looked shocked as well. Likely as shocked as Changbin looked as he stared dumbly at the man. 

He watched as Felix picked up a chain from around his neck and began to rub a ring on it. Even from this far away Changbin knew that was  _ his  _ ring, it was the ring he had given to Felix so long ago. Even when Felix turned away, even after watching Chris kiss his head and hold him protectively -- Changbin kept looking. He couldn’t look away, and he didn’t know why. His whole body felt like it was on fire, like somehow he had imagined he would never run into Felix again. They lived in a city, there were so many people, so many places to go, how would he run into one person with so many around? Yet here they were. As far as Changbin knew, when he left none of them were close with Seungmin, but if they were at the funeral, they obviously were. As he stared at Felix who was speaking to Chris, his back turned to where Changbin stood, Hyunjin watched him. 

Hyunjin watched as his body language changed, he watched as Changbin’s eyes glazed over, the expression in them softening and also looking sad all at once. He watched as the man reflexively swallowed then licked his lips. He did this when he was nervous, he always did it when he was nervous. They were both brought from their thoughts as a pair of men approached them, smiles on their faces. Hyunjin turned to them first, standing and smiling at them. 

“Changbin?” A somehow familiar voice called, despite him not having heard it for seven years. He turned to look at Minho. The man had aged well, he looked strong. Jisung had aged wonderfully as well, standing happily next to Minho, the same bright smile on his face as always. The shorter male blinked a few times before nodding. 

“Minho…?” Changbin was confused, not because Minho was there at the funeral, but because he was opting to speak to him after all the time he had been away. After all the time he had refused to speak to any of them despite them reaching out. He then looked at Jisung who was still smiling. He was the first one to move, the first one to wrap his arms around Changbin. The one to rub his older friends back comfortingly, telling him it was alright. Telling him they weren’t upset, that they missed him too. 

“You look thinner than I remember.” Minho jokes, patting the man's shoulder once Jisung let him go. Changbin smiled, he remembered the teasing tone, he remembered the mischievous glint in Minho’s eyes when he was teasing him. He was beyond thankful Minho was acting like the past seven years hadn’t created a massive divide between all of them. 

“No, why would I get thinner? Maybe you just put on weight.” He shot back, smiling before backing up like Minho was going to hit him. The older man just laughed and then let his eyes wander to Hyunjin. 

“And who is this?” Minho asked while Jisung leaned against him lightly. Changbin looked at Hyunjin who moved toward Minho and Jisung, extending his hand. 

“This is Hyunjin,” Changbin said first, smiling at both of the people he knew from so long ago. “He’s a good friend, came with me to make seeing everyone after so long easier. Plus...showing up to Woojin’s funeral alone, and seeing Seungmin so broken would have killed me…” His voice trailed off, showing how vulnerable and emotional he really was. Jisung reached out and rubbed his arm slowly, still the affectionate caring man he had known so long ago. 

“I’m glad he’s here with you.” Jisung chimed in, reaching out to shake Hyunjin’s hand. “I’m Jisung, and this is Minho, but I’m sure you picked that up already.” Minho rubbed Jisung’s back, smiling at him affectionately, but also like he was the only person left on earth. 

“I’m glad I’m here too. It’s nice to meet the people Changbin had spoken about so often.” Changbin looked sheepishly at Jisung and Minho who just gave him knowing looks. He rubbed the back of his neck as Hyunjin smiled and stroked his hair lovingly. Minho picked up on this, looking at the way Hyunjin looked at Changbin. 

“Are you two together?” Minho inquired, glancing back toward Chris and Felix who were, thankfully, not staring in their direction. Hyunjin and Changbin exchanged glances before turning back to Minho and Jisung. 

“Not anymore,” Hyunjin said with a smile. One that was real, not hiding a troubled break up or unsavory feelings. No, he was still very much a fan of Changbin. He still cared for him deeply, wanting to be whatever he could for him. Minho just nodded, turning his attention back to his raven haired friend. 

“You look good though, Minho,” Changbin said offhandedly, “how have you been?” All of them saw how desperately he wanted to make amends, without directly saying so. Minho smiled warmly at him, looking over to Jisung with the most affectionate stare Hyunjin had ever seen. 

“Well, I’ve been great, but I’m sure Jisung would say the same. We actually got married last week.” Both men held up their hands, fingers adorned with silver rings. “We learned about Woojin’s passing a few days later, so we opted to come home early from our honeymoon. It’s not like we can’t take one whenever we want...I would rather be here, able to support Seungmin rather than anywhere else.” He looked over toward where he had last seen the younger male. Changbin nodded, not really surprised that they had gotten married. Jisung turned around when he heard Chris calling his name, giving Changbin and Hyunjin an apologetic look as he left to rejoin the other two men. Minho watched him walk away, pulling out his phone before he took his own leave. “Give me your number. I want to go out and have lunch with you some time...that is if you’re in the area.” 

“I actually moved back not too long ago so...I’ll be around.” Changbin quickly put in his information, handing the phone back and smiling sadly at Minho. He did his best not to ask about Felix, not to even really look at him for longer than he already had. He was so sure that while Minho and Jisung may have forgiven him, it was likely the other two had not. It wasn’t something that would upset him, he understood that he had likely wounded them deeply, especially Felix. “Just, text me whenever. I’m free a lot, I don’t have a job right now so...really it’s just me helping my mom out.” Minho nodded, moving in to hug the slightly shorter man. 

“We’ve missed you.” The hug was comforting in a way Changbin hadn’t expected it to be. It made him feel, for the first time in a long time, like there was a small piece of home here. Like coming back was the right thing to do. That here, in this place where everything had fallen apart, maybe it would begin to be put back together again. Minho pat his shoulder before walking away, hearing a soft  _ ‘I missed you too…’  _ coming from behind him. 

>>>>

The funeral had been what you could expect of a funeral. The speeches had been beautiful, Minho had done his best to remain stoic, despite feeling his own throat tighten at some of the things Seungmin said. Jisung on the other hand held Felix’s hand tightly as they both cried. Chris had shed a few tears, but tried to remain stoic like Minho, not wanting to give away how they all felt the heavy hearts amongst the beauty of the cherry blossom trees. It was an odd thing, to see how beautiful everything was while they were mourning loss, Felix had commented on it, saying it made it feel fake. Like somehow the man laying in his coffin that they were lowering into the cold ground would pop out and laugh at them. An extensive prank is what they had been hoping for, but they all knew that’s just how their brains were trying to make sense of the situation. After the procession and funeral the four men piled into Jisung’s car, driving off to find food to ease their pain in some way. 

They ended up at a local small restaurant that reminded Chris and Felix of a diner back home. Felix ordered a steak and a strawberry and chocolate shake. He ate slowly, sipping his shake lazily as his mind wandered, everyone at the table aware of how far away he was. Chris leaned into him, nudging his shoulder. 

“You okay Lix?” His voice even seemed far away to Felix, but he turned to look at his boyfriend regardless, catching Minho’s worried stare on the way. 

“Yeah I’m fine...just thinking…” He sighed and sipped his shake away, aware of how intently Minho was staring at him. It was as if his best friend could read his mind - as if he knew  _ exactly  _ what he was thinking about. 

“Did the funeral get to you that much?” Chris questioned, slightly worried for his boyfriend. Before Felix could reply Minho cut in. 

“I don’t think that’s what’s bothering him, maybe leave him to his thoughts.” The brunette looked away from Felix to stare at his own food that was barely touched, he moved it around with his fork, stabbing the meat a few times before Chris spoke up. His face was scrunched up in confusion and annoyance. 

“He’s my boyfriend, why would I leave him to worry about whatever he’s worrying about alone?” He glared at Minho who licked his lips, putting his fork down slowly. He crossed his arms, leaning on them on the table slightly before lifting his head to look at Chris. Felix exchanged a worried glance with Jisung who reached under the table to grip Minho’s thigh lightly, trying to calm his husband down. He knew how protective he was over Felix, that hadn’t changed in the least bit over the years. If anything it had honestly just grown in intensity instead. 

“Because maybe you’re blind to what’s bothering him, and maybe what he’s worrying about would make you mad. So instead of prying, allow him to be a person and have his own private thoughts that you don’t need to know about.” Minho uncrossed his arms and leaned back to pull out his wallet, tossing down enough money to cover everyone’s food. He then motioned for Jisung to get out of the booth they were sitting in. 

“Oh, and you know  _ exactly  _ what he’s thinking about right?” Chris could hear his own anger come out, not even noticing when Felix put his hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. They were in public and Felix really didn’t feel like arguing. Not after their argument earlier which had led him to thinking about what he was currently pondering over. 

He had been thinking about the way Changbin looked at him. The way he looked so thin, looked so sick, in fact he mostly thought about the way he looked so fucking sad. It never occured to Felix that he would ever see Changbin again, not when it had been a few years of not wishing every night that somehow he would run into him again. He had managed to work on it so much, work on moving on, work on forgetting what it felt like to miss him. Now all of that was for naught. He wanted to go over, wanted to talk to him, wanted to hear his voice, touch his hand, ask if he was alright. That wasn’t allowed though, not with Chris. Chris had been explicit in never wanting to speak to Changbin again, not wanting either of them to engage with him seeing as the man had hurt them both so profoundly. Originally Felix had agreed, he had felt the same way. In fact it wasn’t until that afternoon that he believed he still felt like that. When their eyes met, however, those feelings were washed away by something. They were wiped from his body, and all he wanted was to talk to him again, to hear his voice once more. 

“In fact I do, Chris.” Minho said, a bit of venom laced in his voice as he turned toward Chris after standing up. “He’s thinking about Changbin. Worrying about him, in fact. Worrying about how skinny he is, about how he hopes the guy is alright. So yeah, I know. I know him too well, I know that he wants to ask to see him but he can’t because of you.” Chris immediately turne to Felix, an angry questioning look on his face. 

“You’re seriously thinking about  _ him? _ ” He shook his head, laughing angrily, “you seriously want to talk to him, don’t you? You are actually worried about the guy who messed you up so badly?” Felix felt sick. 

“I mean...I-I’m not going to say I’m not worried about him...I’m not going to lie…” He looked down, feeling defeated and like he had somehow let his boyfriend down. Before Chris could even speak Minho cut in. 

“You know, it’s pretty sad that this is an issue for you Chris. That you’re mad because Felix is worried about someone.” Minho shook his head, motioning to Jisung who was rubbing Felix’s shoulder for them to leave, no longer wishing to deal with Chris. 

“What are you even saying?” Chris snapped, trying to get Felix to stand up as well. Felix refused, trying to push Chris back down despite how angry the man was. Minho stopped. He had to remind himself that he still cared for Chris, that he was still his friend despite everything, but right now all he could think about was how much he loved Felix. How Felix was the reason he was even still alive. How Felix was always going to be tied for the most important person to him. Even Jisung jokingly teased him about how he was actually just in love with Felix. 

“I’m saying Felix shouldn’t be with you because you’re a selfish controlling child.” Minho glared at Chris intently, before turning and walking away. In his wake he left a stunned and angry Chris, hoping that Felix could forgive him later for his outburst knowing it was going to affect him for the rest of the evening. He was at least comforted by his husband, and the knowledge that Felix didn’t live with Chris, much to Chris’s dismay. 

There was an angry silence between the two of them left at the table, Felix slowly moving away from Chris and standing up, a look of shame and sadness on his face. When their eyes met Chris was shaking his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes before sighing and then returning his stare to Felix’s face. 

“Do you agree with him?” Felix stayed quiet, studying his boyfriends features. There was so much pain in his chest. So much confusion, so much heaviness. He was glad he had learned to deal with his emotions better over the years. 

“I think that...there are things you are unreasonable about...and you should think about them, think about how you try to control me and certain situations with me in them…” With that Felix left the restaurant as well, calling himself a taxi so he could get back to his own apartment. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Chris, he did. In fact it had been so interesting to him how they had fallen for one another, but maybe that was part of the problem. They had been together for three years, and maybe they had run out of time together simply because they decided to date because no one else felt right. They had spent so much time together to try and heal from the pain of Changbin leaving, that maybe - just maybe - they had become too dependent on one another. Minho had always objected to them dating in private, tried to talk Felix out of it, tried to explain why he thought it was a bad idea. Felix didn't listen though. It was only in the last year that he had learned to really appreciate Minho’s input, and this time he was thinking maybe Minho was all too right about his relationship. 

The blonde sighed and leaned his head back, shutting his eyes as he rode in the taxi. He wondered deeply about the conversation he was going to have to have with Chris in the coming days. He was more worried about how his thoughts wandered back to Changbin time and time again despite having greater things to worry about. Wasn’t being on rocky ground with your significant other more important than maybe being able to say hello to your ex? Even if your ex was your soulmate? Regardless Felix knew he would find out. 


	14. Past: SEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into why Minho loves Felix as deeply as he does.   
> The first moments of Chris and Felix's walk into their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO PLEASE READ THIS
> 
> TW//   
> Talk of suicide  
> Bullying  
> Homophobic language
> 
> Okay, now for my actual comment:   
> Once more - unedited because I am lazy and also just want to get this up for you guys (I might go back after its done and edit it).   
> I hope you all enjoy this update (just over 5k words so you know, a lil proud of myself).   
> I might try and throw up a few chapters of a MinLix story I've been writing to sort of apologize for how SLOW I'm being at updating  
> WiA.   
> I want you all to know it is NOT for lack of motivation or ideas (since I have an outline).   
> I just am back to work and work 40hrs a week and overnights - so I'll bring my laptop this up and coming  
> week in an attempt to write while there (since honestly I don't really do much).   
> PLEASE COMMENT I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS  
> Thanks again for all those who have read and gotten WiA to over 1k hits, it means the world to me!  
> I never thought anyone would like this story other than me, so I am SO SO SO glad people are reading it and enjoying it and sticking around to find out how it ends~

There was a light hum in the air as Minho stood behind Jisung, his arms circling around the man’s thin waist. Jisung just smiled, continuing to wash the dishes from their breakfast. Minho pouted a bit, wanting more attention that he was receiving, so he leaned in and kissed the slightly shorter man’s jaw where it met his neck. Jisung chuckled to himself, turning his head slightly to look back at his boyfriend. 

“Yes?” His tone was light and teasing, causing Minho to smile fondly at him. The older man tightened his arms just a fraction and shrugged, jostling them both ever so slightly. “You know we have to get all the dishes done, and at least vacuum before they come over.” Jisung eyed Minho before breaking out into another smile at how Minho’s eyes were shut, chin coming to rest on his shoulder. He looked so soft, but frequently now he  _ was  _ soft. He had put away the walls he had built up and tried so desperately to keep, now he was more open with Jisung, more forward with what he felt when he felt it. “How about you finish up these few dishes and I’ll vacuum before Felix and Chris come over? Did you want to go out to eat, or order in?” Minho reluctantly opened his eyes, groaning a bit. 

“Let’s go out, you know how much I love staring at only you in a room full of people.” Minho teased as he let go of Jisung, taking his place in front of the sink, beginning to quickly wash the dishes. 

“You know, you say that but you stare at Felix just as much.” Jisung mused, winking at Minho who gave him a soft glare that was really half a pout. He wasn’t inherently wrong, Minho did love Felix equally as much as he loved Jisung. It was just that he loved them in different ways. 

“I don’t mean to...he’s just…” Minho couldn’t finish his sentence, opting to shrug his shoulders and focus on washing the dishes. The only enigma left in their relationship was why Minho cared so deeply for Felix, and why their bond seemed unbreakable no matter what happened between them. There had been so many nights Jisung found them wrapped around one another sound asleep in his and Minho’s shared bed. He would smile fondly at them both before making sure they were comfortable, going to sleep in the spare bedroom. He never felt jealousy, and maybe it was because he saw the difference, he saw that there was just something more to the way he loved Felix. It wasn’t romantic, it was something entirely different. 

“You know, you can always tell me why you look at him like that. Or why you love him so much. It’s not like I’m ever jealous, and I know you worry about that.” Jisung noted as he pulled the vacuum from its location in the closet nearest to the kitchen. Minho quickly finished the dishes and began to dry his hands with the towel placed under the sink for just that. He walked over to Jisung and stood silent for a few moments. 

“It’s really not so much what you’ll think of my relationship with him, as much as I worry you’ll think differently of me…” Minho sighed and took the vacuum from Jisung, placing it back into the closet before walking over to the couch and patting the spot next to him. He had a different look on his face than usual. It was one of pure sadness mixed with a hint of apprehension. 

“You don’t have to tell me Min,” Jisung said quietly, “especially if you’re not ready.” He sat down next to his boyfriend regardless, reaching out to touch his shoulder comfortingly. 

“No it’s alright. It’s about time you know, we’ve been dating for so long already...I just hate remembering that this was a part of my life. Even if it brought me Felix.” Minho took a deep breath rubbing his palms, which were beginning to feel rather clammy, against his pants. “When I was younger, still in high school. I was bullied a lot. Someone figured out I was gay and...well even if I’m good at denying things now, I wasn’t then…” He trailed off, his mind wandering to a much darker time in his life. “Anyway, I got hit a lot, people would write horrible things on my locker, take my stuff and throw it in the trash, shove me in the hallways. You name it, and they did it, or said it. I lost the few friends I had...and I didn’t know how to cope.” He sighed heavily, his breath coming out shaky. Jisung noted this, reaching to massage Minho’s arm, moving closer to him for comfort as the older man’s eyes stayed locked onto the potted plant on their coffee table as he spoke. “This was my first year, it didn’t get better the second year either. I tried to stay strong but...it really took a toll on me. Then someone told my parents what the kids were saying, and I tried to deny it but I couldn’t. They were pretty disappointed at first. You met them so you know things worked out with them but...in high school it just all hit me so hard…” 

Minho had to breathe for a minute. Remembering how lost he had felt began to create the same hollow feeling in his chest, even with Jisungs fingers running through his hair softly, tracing lines of love on his scalp. Felix was the only bright thing mixed into those memories, the only beacon that beckoned him from the edge of oblivion. 

“When my final year came around...I just...I couldn’t anymore. Some guys ambushed me and well...they yanked my pants off and tried to grab at me. I hit a few of them but, eventually they hit back. I got kicked in the balls a few times too. They said I was lucky none of them were ‘faggots’ or else they’d fuck me right then and there.” Minho let out a shaky chuckle, one that showed he was trying to hold back tears. Jisung kissed his shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck and pressing his body as closely to Minho as he could. “I planned to kill myself...I was so alone, I was in so much pain physically and emotionally and...I just made up my mind that I wasn’t needed, that no one wanted me. So I decided to finish out the week and do it on the weekend. It was only week two of my final year and...god I was so tired Jisung…” A few tears slipped down his cheeks as he recalled the painful memories he so reluctantly spoke of. 

“It’s okay Min.” Jisung said, placing soft kisses under each of his boyfriends eyes as he continued to rub and touch him affectionately, showing him as much love as he could without interrupting him. 

“Then, on that Saturday as I was leaving the same guys came around, granted it was only three of them this time but still…” he looked at Jisung before continuing, “just as they were about to hit me, since I didn’t have it in me to fight anymore, some random kid I had never seen came running at us. He was screaming at them in horrible korean and slammed into the biggest guy. He hit him so hard the guy went flying.” Minho laughed despite his tears. “He was so fucking tan, so odd looking to me. His hair was messy and he was swimming in his uniform, it was almost comical. He literally beat the shit out of all three guys easily, then this kid that I didn’t know turned to me with his bleeding nose and knuckles and fucking  _ smiled. _ ” Minho leaned back, holding Jisung’s hand, and looking out into space, remembering just how odd the situation had been. “Felix introduced himself to me, and he was just so bright and...it just felt like the universe was sending me a message, saying that it sent the kid for me…” Minho’s mind drifted easily back to their first meeting, to the odd situation he was presented with that would prove to completely change his life

>>Flashback>>

Felix wiped the blood running down his nose and spilling over his lips with the back of his hand. His knuckles were bruised, a few splits in his skin bleeding lightly over his knuckles as well. He laughed cheerfully as the three guys ran away from him and the boy slumped down against the wall, staring at him with absolute bewilderment. He turned to him and gave him the biggest smile he could, his teeth looking even brighter white than they were because of his dark tan skin. 

“I’m Felix, just moved here so sorry if my Korean is bad, what’s your name?” He held his hand out to help Minho up, still smiling at him. The older boy cautiously took his hand and was rather surprised at how strong Felix was as he pulled him up effortlessly. 

“Minho...Lee Minho.” He said, dusting himself off and trying to avoid eye contact now, he was sure Felix probably heard all the things people said about him, and was just trying to be nice because he was new. 

“Oh cool, we have the same last name!” Felix exclaimed, wiping his nose once more, as the bleeding began to slow. “I’m sorry those guys were being assholes to you, it’s not okay to try and hurt someone because they are different.” He turned to Minho, motioning toward the gate of the school. “Do you live far from here?” Minho stayed quiet for a moment, sighing at how Felix indeed  _ had  _ heard what everyone was saying about him. 

“Thank you for fighting those guys but...you don’t have to talk to me just because you feel bad for me or something. I know you heard I’m gay and...I know that it’s not something you probably like...so I’ll walk myself home, I’m fine. Thanks aga-” Felix cut Minho off with his laughter that jostled his entire body. 

“You think I wouldn’t like you because everyone thinks it’s their business to tell other people your sexuality? I’m gay too, who cares? Who we are attracted to has nothing to do with who we are as people. If you’re a terrible person, then I won’t like you, so tell me Lee Minho, are you a terrible person?” Felix raised his eyebrows, a stunningly large and bright smile still plastered across his face. Minho regarded him suspiciously, he stared into the boys deep brown orbs that seemed to dance in the sunlight above them. He let his eyes drag over the soft facial features, the expanse of interesting freckles scattered across his face collecting mostly by his eyes and over his nose. He blinked a few times, noting now the striking contrast between his soft face and deep voice. 

“No...I’d like to think I’m a good and kind person…” Minho looked away, tears pricking his eyes. He may have been good and kind, but he knew that those things didn’t matter. That he was going to go home, and begin writing his apology note for his family. He wanted them to know that he loved them, that he was sorry, and that he hoped removing himself from the world wouldn’t hurt them too much -- knowing they were disappointed in him anyway. It seemed, however, that those event’s wouldn’t be occurring, not anymore. 

“Well then, let’s call us friends. How about you show me around and I pay for food for us?” Felix smiled at him, holding out his hand to be shaken in agreement. Minho needed a moment to process what Felix had said to him. Process that this boy who he just  _ met  _ wanted to be his friend. Wanted to go out and get to know him, wanted to spend time with him. Was similar to him, understood how he felt in some way. When he shook Felix’s hand he hadn’t anticipated the tears to spill from his eyes, and what’s more he hadn’t expected Felix to embrace him  _ so incredibly tightly.  _ He hadn’t expected to feel so safe in the thin, shorter, strangers arms; but he did. He felt so safe and so accepted for the first time in what seemed like forever. 

>>>>

Minho watched and smiled as Felix whooped loudly at Minho walking across the stage to accept his diploma. He may have blushed, but he wouldn’t admit that to his best friend, not in a million years. His family stood next to Felix looking happy and approving of their son graduating. Thanks to Felix his last year of schooling had been better than any before. People had decided he was old news and left him alone finally; mostly due to people fearing Felix’s fists more than any other repercussion. Felix had urged Minho to speak to his parents about his sexuality, and how everything had affected his mental health. In fact Felix had been the sole reason he was able to stave off wanting to take his own life long enough to be able to speak to his parents who saw the hurt in their son during a long talk. This spurred them into talking about therapy, which eventually became a regular thing for six months until he worked through the trauma and pain. 

He was so close with his family now, and even closer with Felix. At first he had assumed he was falling in love with Felix, but that wasn’t it. Now as he walked off of the stage, rolling his eyes at the cat call whistle Felix made as loud as possible at him, he knew the love he had for Felix was different. It was a deeply rooted love that would never fade for him. He would fiercely protect Felix the way he had once protected him. Felix was his life line to what he was heading into -- his future. Felix had changed his entire life, and he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to fully thank the younger boy for that. When he arrived at his parents they hugged him tightly, pulling out a rather professional looking camera and pointing it at the two best friends. 

“Come on Minho, let’s look our best for this, you only graduate from high school once!” Felix laughed loudly as he wrapped his arm around Minho’s shoulder, holding up a peace sign and grinning so wide his eyes were barely visible. Minho looked at him lovingly, the photo being captured just as that. It was the only photo of his graduation he kept, not knowing that when he was married to the man of his dreams it would still be hung up on his wall. 

>>End of Flashback>>

Jisung leaned over and kissed Minho’s shoulder, whispering soft thank you’s to him for sharing that bit of his life with him. Minho had told him before he had considered suicide once upon a time, but Jisung had no idea that the sole reason he hadn’t gone through with it was because of the kindness Felix had shown him. That Minho, to this day, felt like Felix was sent by the universe to him, was put there for him. Jisung had to admit that it was beautiful, he would also admit that it should have made him jealous, but it didn’t. In fact all he wanted to do was wrap Felix in the tightest hug he could, and tell him over and over how thankful he was for saving Minho. Even if he hadn’t done it intentionally. 

“Does Felix know?” Jisung asked as he played with his boyfriend's fingers. Minho nodded lightly. 

“I told him before I enrolled in University, over my break.” Minho looked at Jisung, smiling, “he thought I was going to confess to being in love with him. Since I had once told him I thought I had been in love with him but...I never was. It’s just a different type of love. If we have soulmates for romance, then we have soulmates for other things too. Felix is my soulmate in a different way.” Jisung nodded in response, fully understanding what Minho meant. 

It wasn’t long after their conversation, a few shared kisses and laughs to lighten the mood, that Jisung finished vacuuming. Moments later, cutting it rather close as Minho put it, there was a knock at their door. Jisung opened it and smiled brightly at Felix, a new found appreciation for the reciprocated smile given to him. 

It didn’t take long for all four boys to settle in. They really hadn’t made plans to do anything in particular, but they did know that they wanted to play some silly board games, maybe order food, spend the night just relaxing with one another. Jisung and Chris had recently opened their own production company, which was taking up a lot of their time as individuals. Minho was trying to survive veterinary school while Felix himself was back in university, following his most recent dream of what he planned to do for a career. All of them had been so busy it seemed nearly impossible to all gather together and just enjoy the night. Thankfully they had managed to snag one day where all of them had the night off, or forced themselves to push off whatever it was they had to do. 

After an exhaustive few hours of yelling over who cheated or who didn’t, laughter floating through Minho and Jisung’s apartment, as well as food being stuffed into their faces and being spilled onto the table, the night winded down. Felix whined loudly in Jisung’s ear as he slumped against his friends back, arms thrown around his shoulders. 

“I don’t want you to go to sleep Jisung.” Came the pitiful whine that Felix knew worked at least half the time. Jisung this time, however, was exhausted. He turned himself in Felix’s hold to wrap his arms around the blonde’s waist, hugging him tightly. 

“I love you Lix, I do, but I need to sleep. I’ve been awake way too long.” Jisung watched as Minho walked over after himself and Chris finished cleaning up everything. Minho wrapped his own arms around Felix’s waist, lifting him up and away from Jisung. Felix yelled and flailed in his arms. 

“Let my boyfriend sleep you leech.” Minho laughed, dropping Felix down so he could stand before going to bear hug his friends. Felix laughed, the infectious sound causing Minho to chuckle as well. Jisung and Chris looked on with affection for the pair, the four of them walking toward their respective bedrooms. 

“Fine, but we should make breakfast together, Jisung, before me and Chris leave.” Felix allowed himself to be dragged to the guest bedroom by Chris, waving to his other two friends as they disappeared into their bedroom together. “Tonight was fun,” Felix said as he pulled his jeans off, folding them before placing them on the bed next to his bag. He quickly stripped himself of the shirt he was wearing as well, making sure it was folded before pulling out his pajamas. Once the loose shirt and shorts were on his body he placed his other clothes into the bag carefully, a smile on his face all the while. 

“Yeah, it’s nice getting together like this. We’ve all been so busy.” Chris was already in his sleeping attire, having changed more quickly than Felix. He walked up behind his slimmer friend and wrapped his arms around him in a loose hug. One that from the outside would look far too intimate for them to be just friends. “Ready for bed?” Chris inquired as Felix smiled and put his bag on the floor at the end of the bed. 

“Sure.” Slipping out of Chris’s hold, the blonde walked over to the bed and slid in under the blanket and sheet, stretching out and humming in pleasure at how nice it felt to be in the soft bed. Chris licked his lips, nervousness taking hold of him due to what he was planning. He quickly turned off the light and slid into the bed next to Felix, the younger boy snuggling up against him immediately like he was used to. His fingers played with the fabric of the long shirt that hung against the slimmer boy's hip, his eyes looking into the deep chocolate orbs across from him. They sat there, staring at one another, Felix smiling and occasionally holding in a laugh at how intense Chris looked. “You okay?” He finally asked, his voice quiet in the silence of the room. 

“Yeah just…” Chris pulled him closer, watching a slight blush creep up on the younger boys cheeks as he did so. Their bodies were all but flush together. Then, slowly as he watched for any negative reaction the older of the two leaned in. His plush lips pressed lightly against Felix’s, waiting to see if the younger boy would pull back. Much to Chris’s surprise, he didn’t, instead arms snaked around his neck, pulling him in as Felix pressed harder into the kiss. They moved in unison, Chris’s fingers digging into the hip under his touch. Finally, after a minute of kissing, they parted. Chris was only blushing while Felix looked flushed, almost drunk. “So I...I know this might be out of nowhere but...I’ve kind of…” he had to take a moment, unable to speak the secret he had hidden away for so long, “for a while I’ve been interested in you.” He swallowed, hoping Felix received what he was saying well. 

Felix just stared at him, thinking it over in his head. He wasn’t opposed to seeing where things could go with Chris, but he also wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. Not that kissing him had felt wrong, in fact it had felt rather welcoming, it sent fire burning just under his skin all over his body. He didn’t really have a verbal response, so instead he leaned in again. It was almost too quickly, he pressed their lips together, gripping Chris’s dark hair to tilt his head. He felt the intensity that hummed between them, felt their bodies heat up. This time the kissing lasted longer. It lasted until he felt more tired than before, more drunk than sober, and more hot than anything else. Felix may have whispered to Chris he wanted to process it all, think about it before deciding if going anywhere with this was right. He may have also whispered into the quiet of the room how he too might have had a small crush on his friend before falling asleep wrapped in the familiar warmth and scent that was Chris. 

>>

Waking up had been pleasant, the smell of coffee wafting through the spacious apartment had lured Felix from his slumber. He smoothly removed himself from Chris’s tangled embrace and padded out into the living area where Minho sat coffee in one hand, book in another. Felix smiled blindly at him, walking over and sitting down with his head resting comfortably against his friend's muscular shoulder. 

“Sleep well?” Minho asked, sparing an affectionate glance before going back to his book. It wasn’t a book for leisure like Felix had originally thought, it was one for his schooling. Minho was always so diligent, something Felix could find himself proud of time and time again. 

“Yeah…” His voice trailed off at the end, mind wandering to the fully intoxicating kisses he shared with Chris. He snaked an arm around Minho’s, cuddling closer to him as he scanned the pages for interesting information, most of it feeling more foregin than usual to him. “So...Chris kissed me,” he looked up with only his eyes to watch the way Minho’s face would move. Much to Felix’s dismay, Minho really didn’t seem that surprised. He gave a soft noise of acknowledgement before sipping his coffee, eyes scanning the book, mouth moving slightly when he found information he was trying to sear into his memory. “Then he told me he’s interested in being with me.” He watched his friend again. This time, however, Minho stopped reading, his lips tightened into a thin line while his eyes seemed so far away while staring at the book in his lap. He slowly shut the book, setting it down on the couch next to them, turning slightly to look at Felix. When he moved, Felix picked up his head, watching the way Minho’s eyes wandered and mouth opened for a moment before shutting again. He was trying to find words, but was failing horribly. After two or three minutes he finally spoke. 

“Lix I just...I don’t think that’s a good idea…” he seemed almost wounded to say this. It was as if his own words were a sharp knife digging into his chest as he spoke to Felix. Eyes betraying his steady voice as they filled with worry and other emotions Felix couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“Ah...why?” Felix was curious. It wasn’t that he inherently wanted to be with Chris more than anything else, but he wanted to know exactly why his best friend thought this wasn’t a good idea. 

“You guys...bonded over pain and...maybe are a little dependent on one another. That doesn’t usually make for a good relationship I just…” Minho had to sigh, shutting his eyes and taking a moment before continuing. He felt the swell in his chest that told him to protect Felix, to wrap him up in a safe little world where no one could hurt him again. Where he didn’t make poor decisions, where he was the only one that loved him and cared for him - even if he couldn’t love him the same way a partner could. “I don’t want you to get into it and find out you guys don’t work. I don’t want it to be just because you’ve grown close and no one else is fitting the bill you’re looking for...you know?” He looked so,  _ so  _ sad to say that. Felix could tell, he could see that Minho meant the best, that his intentions weren’t out of jealousy or malice, that he was just looking out for him. 

“I understand.” Felix smiled at his friend, wrapping his arms around the older boy's neck and kissing his cheek affectionately. Minho groaned and pushed him away playfully, shaking his head before opening his book back up. 

“There’s coffee in the kitchen, Jisung said he’ll cook when he gets up, he had a hard time sleeping last night so he’ll probably be another hour or so.” Minho glanced at Felix who pouted for a moment before shrugging and snuggling back up into his side. He rested his head back against the muscular shoulder it was on before, making sure to get as comfortable as possible before allowing himself to drift off into a light slumber. He listened to the sound of Minho’s finger dragging across the paper. The soft noise of coffee sloshing into his mouth. The wisp of noise as the pages of the book were turned. He indulged in the scent of his best friend that gave him an endless amount of comfort, and he’d be awoken by Jisung and Chris arguing playfully over who got to use the bathroom first. Breakfast would be made, laughs would be had, showers would be taken, and eventually two of the four boys would depart. 

It was only nearing noon when Felix walked up to his apartment door, Chris following in tow. Before he could put his key into the lock to gain entrance into his home, Chris grabbed his hips, turning him slowly. Felix watched him lean in, welcoming the plush lips that threatened to suffocate him with the slow pace being set. It wasn’t until his back was pushed into his door that he realized they were still in the hallway of his building. Felix pulls away from the kiss slowly, leaning his head back and looking at Chris with great intention. The car ride home had been pleasant, nothing out of the ordinary, they talked about what Chris had planned for the week; his schedule always seeming so hectic and busy. They took turns complaining about things, Felix mostly moaning about how much schoolwork he had to do and catch up on after just taking one day off. 

Slowly he ran his hands down the older boy's arms, holding onto them just where his forearm met his bicep. They stayed like that, in a still silence while Felix stared solely at a small freckle on Chris’s collarbone. Eventually the older of the two leaned in, kissing him one more time, pulling away after only a few seconds. 

“Any possibility you’d like to be my first boyfriend?” Chris smiled, his forehead resting against Felix’s, both of their eyes closed. It took Felix a moment, running over the way Minho had acted. Trudging through all of the emotional ups and downs that Chris and himself had been through together. He didn’t need Chris, in fact Felix would wager that he needed Minho more than he needed Chris, even Jisung for that matter. But Chris was still a source of comfort. He loved laying in bed in his arms, loved even more the kisses they now shared. He loved his smell, his voice, and the way it just felt okay to say yes to him. His breath came out shaky, a half laugh and half sigh before he spoke. 

“I think I’d like that…” His voice was just above a whisper, deep and husky like usual. Once more in the poorly lit hallway of his apartment building Felix was being kissed against his door, only this time it was more of a bruising type of kiss, one that had his head spinning wanting more. It was the beginning of the relationship that would mold him more than he could imagine. 


End file.
